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I totally get what you are saying. My father does this all the time. He'll say "remind me to xyz". Well I always say ok, but I always forget. Then he says "you forgot to remind me to xyz" and suddenly it becomes all my fault!?
I'm more than happy to help people. Like the the mail scenario, I'm not just going to go over there and get their mail. They have to make arrangements first. But just expecting me to get their mail while they are away. I might have work or I may not be home for some reason. I may have gone on vacation also. Don't just assume I'm going to get your mail because we are neighbors.
Once my neighbor was going to be away for the day. She just came over and asked me if I would pick up her mail that day and she was also expecting a large package. I explained to her that I had a 12 hr shift at work and could probably do it when I got home. I said if she had another person to get the mail sooner she should ask them first and I would check when I got home. After work, a group of friends invited me out for dinner. So I didn't get home until after midnight. Well she was home before I got home and the next day I see her and she asks me why I was unable to get her mail. I told you that I might not be able to do it and it somehow becomes my fault?!
Another example is while I was going to school, a classmate always wanted me to help her with the homework. By help, I mean do it for her because she was either too lazy or stupid to do it herself.
Perhaps you never heard the phrase "one hand washes the other"
I suspect many who don't want to "care and feed monkeys" simply don't want to be bothered with other people and are just downright selfish.
So would you be ok if your relatives or friends just dropped their kids off on you without a moments notice and then got mad at you if you had to be at work or had other plans?
Or how about doing someone else's homework for them because they are either too lazy or stupid to do it themselves? And then getting mad at you when you don't have all the correct answers?
When people ask you to remind them to xyz and you don't. Somehow their failure to remember their own responsibility becomes your fault.
It's not about not helping people. You aren't being selfish. The other person expecting you to drop what you are doing or remind them of something they can't remember is selfish.
I totally get what you are saying. My father does this all the time. He'll say "remind me to xyz". Well I always say ok, but I always forget. Then he says "you forgot to remind me to xyz" and suddenly it becomes all my fault!?
I'm more than happy to help people. Like the the mail scenario, I'm not just going to go over there and get their mail. They have to make arrangements first. But just expecting me to get their mail while they are away. I might have work or I may not be home for some reason. I may have gone on vacation also. Don't just assume I'm going to get your mail because we are neighbors.
Once my neighbor was going to be away for the day. She just came over and asked me if I would pick up her mail that day and she was also expecting a large package. I explained to her that I had a 12 hr shift at work and could probably do it when I got home. I said if she had another person to get the mail sooner she should ask them first and I would check when I got home. After work, a group of friends invited me out for dinner. So I didn't get home until after midnight. Well she was home before I got home and the next day I see her and she asks me why I was unable to get her mail. I told you that I might not be able to do it and it somehow becomes my fault?!
Another example is while I was going to school, a classmate always wanted me to help her with the homework. By help, I mean do it for her because she was either too lazy or stupid to do it herself.
Than you should have just told the neighbor "sorry, but I can't do it, I have no idea when I will be home that day, better ask someone else". Instead you said you would do it and than blew it off to go have dinner.
That will most likely be remembered if you ever need a favor.
It is interesting about how many people mentioned how their friends & co-workers would ask them to remember something for them and then get angry if they weren't reminded about it.
Just to show you how ridiculous that is I want to give you a real life example. My husband has a type of progressive brain damage which results in serious problems with his short term memory. Does he ask me or other people to remember things for him or to remind him of dates or activities or other things? No, he doesn't.
He keeps detailed lists and calendars to remind himself of important dates, times and things that he needs to do. So, if someone with an actual memory disability can do it why can't your lazy & inconsiderate friends and co-workers handle it for themselves, as well.
Holy crap.
Read post 1 again.
Then read post 48.
Wtf.
LOL...how about you go back and read post 98, easier to find.
I said the OP should have mentioned in her FIRST POST that the neighbors had a habit of asking for things, not several pages later.
She gave a partial story in her OP. Adding another sentence with some background information would have been helpful, not adding it 47 posts down the road.
Some of you may have heard of this concept, but apparently it's a new one to a lot of people, ...
Count me in that group. The thread title drew me in, thinking this may belong in the animals forum.
I've had these experiences too, albeit not exactly, but very similar. Relatives who think nothing of having me drive them to the next county on a very bad weather day to buy one thing, but then can't give me the courtesy of a phone call when another family member is hospitalized or passes away. They can remember my phone number to request my husband get them into a club for a dance, but can't relay important life events when they occur. Oh, I get this concept completely. Then they are pissy when I don't call anymore.
^^^ Exactly this. I never have a problem just saying no. Whatever it is that they are asking is just a request and not an order that I have to obey. No need to get all complicated and have to explain what was meant about them having a monkey.
And recovering alcoholics and druggies commonly use that monkey on the back phrase... so what would that be saying about the OP or me taking about others having a monkey?
And it would be extremely non PC to talk about monkeys if it were a situation of a black friend asking for some favour of babysitting their child!!!
Perhaps you never heard the phrase "one hand washes the other"
I suspect many who don't want to "care and feed monkeys" simply don't want to be bothered with other people and are just downright selfish.
I tell you what. First, you wait for the time I ask you a favor. Then you can ask me for one.
And, don't go holding your breath now...
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I told you that I might not be able to do it and it somehow becomes my fault?!
