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I've been kind of peeved about a situation that occurred with a friend a few weeks ago, and I wanted to get others perspective on whether I'm overreacting. So I have a friend I met through work, who works in a different department from me, but we text/chat nearly every day, so I would consider them a pretty good friend. Anyways, I proposed to this friend on a Saturday that we get brunch the next day, Sunday, since we hadn't hung out in a while and they agree, but they also ask if we could invite a mutual friend who had also wanted to hangout, which was fine. That Saturday night I have to go into work and the 3 of us start a group text to figure out the next day's plans. Well I can't get to my phone because I'm busy working, but when I do at midnight, they've already made reservations at some place for 10am the next morning. My friend knew I was working that night, and knew I'd be working late, so I end up getting home a few hours later and text them I won't be able to make it as I'd rather sleep. So I was a little peeved that I basically got squeezed out of a plan that I initially proposed. Yes, I could have woken up early to make it, but I feel that my close friend should have been more mindful of my schedule and that I wouldn't be able to respond to they're texts. Also, there wasn't any reason we had to have reservations or go to that particular restaurant, any restaurant at anytime would have been fine. Now, I am certain that my friend didn't do it intentionally, but I feel like if the roles were reversed I would have handled things differently. What do you all think? Am I overreacting by being a little annoyed?
What really got me too, was that in the midst of this group text, when I was unable to respond, they basically starting making plans to carpool together, despite the fact that we all live in the same area, as if they already knew I wasn't going to make it.
Did you REALLY want to sleep, or were you just throwing a fit because they planned without you?
10 is not exactly early, and it is pretty much the time for brunch. YOU also knew you had to work the night before when you proposed the plan. What time did you imagine y'all would meet??
I would have been annoyed...that day only. The fact that it's still bugging you after a couple of weeks does mean that you've crossed into "overreacting" territory.
Brunch means different things to different people, but 10am on a Sunday is not an unreasonable time for a brunch. Since you met your friend at work, I assume that you work the same schedule -- even if on different days? So maybe your friend figured that you would be fine with the 10am brunch because s/he would have been fine making it at that time if s/he had been working the night before. It's also possible that one or both of the other people had Sunday plans that would have prevented them from meeting later, thus canceling the brunch entirely.
Next time you make plans like this, just try to be clear on any time restrictions you might have -- if you're working late the night before and don't want to meet before, say, 11am -- mention that up front. Otherwise, it's not unreasonable to assume that most people would be fine with a 10am brunch -- you really can't expect your friend (or anyone) to read your mind.
I think your last sentence is definitely overthinking/overreacting. People make plans to carpool frequently -- that has nothing to do with them making an assumption that you weren't coming.
Here's what I would have done -- I would have, like I said, been a little annoyed on that day because I'm human. Then I would've texted them both with "I hope you guys have fun! I'm sorry I'm going to miss it. Let's try to meet up next weekend a little later in the day so I can get my beauty sleep and still see you guys!" (or something similar to that)
And then I would've let it go. People make mistakes, people make wrong assumptions, life goes on.
I've been kind of peeved about a situation that occurred with a friend a few weeks ago, and I wanted to get others perspective on whether I'm overreacting. So I have a friend I met through work, who works in a different department from me, but we text/chat nearly every day, so I would consider them a pretty good friend. Anyways, I proposed to this friend on a Saturday that we get brunch the next day, Sunday, since we hadn't hung out in a while and they agree, but they also ask if we could invite a mutual friend who had also wanted to hangout, which was fine. That Saturday night I have to go into work and the 3 of us start a group text to figure out the next day's plans. Well I can't get to my phone because I'm busy working, but when I do at midnight, they've already made reservations at some place for 10am the next morning. My friend knew I was working that night, and knew I'd be working late, so I end up getting home a few hours later and text them I won't be able to make it as I'd rather sleep. So I was a little peeved that I basically got squeezed out of a plan that I initially proposed. Yes, I could have woken up early to make it, but I feel that my close friend should have been more mindful of my schedule and that I wouldn't be able to respond to they're texts. Also, there wasn't any reason we had to have reservations or go to that particular restaurant, any restaurant at anytime would have been fine. Now, I am certain that my friend didn't do it intentionally, but I feel like if the roles were reversed I would have handled things differently. What do you all think? Am I overreacting by being a little annoyed?
What really got me too, was that in the midst of this group text, when I was unable to respond, they basically starting making plans to carpool together, despite the fact that we all live in the same area, as if they already knew I wasn't going to make it.
If you knew you were working the night before, why suggest brunch of all things, which IS supposed to be between breakfast time and lunch time. Would it have made that much difference if they made it at 11 instead of 10? I feel maybe you were just hurt that they continued planning without you, and saying "no" to the eventual plan seems a bit martyr-ish to me and designed to make them feel bad. Also, this was the night before the brunch and no concrete plans had been made yet? When did you expect they would be made? Sounds like you suggested the outing but then dropped leading the plan to fruition.
Did you ever actually express your preferences, or expect them to assume your preferences? Were they supposed to wait until you were available to make plans? If you had specific preferences, you should have texted before going to work "Would prefer X, Y, and Z. Going to work now, will be unreachable until Sunday AM. Pls let me know what you decide."
I think you're overreacting, and not owning that you weren't communicative enough, and that's really what caused the issue.
Sorry love but yes you were over reacting. What's wrong with getting up early and having brunch? You could always take a nap later. You kind of remind me of one of the shorties that came for regular sleep overs with the two sisters that have adopted us as family. She was constantly pouting and wanting to go home if things didn't go her way. She was with us less then an hour before her father had to drive all the way out to get her to take her home. I told him that I was sorry but she couldn't come back. She also lost the friendship of the other girls as well. Sometimes life isn't all about us and it's better to be flexible then so self centered. I get up nearly every Friday after sleeping only 5 hours or so to go roller skating with my husband and some really sexy seniors. Many of those Fridays I have to work the afternoon shift as well. Sometimes it's torture getting up but well worth the discomfort for all of the fun we have doing it. You missed a great opportunity to go out and have some fun. You can sleep forever when you leave this planet, in the mean time grab all the gusto you can.
Thanks for your replies. I know it was a fairly minor thing, and if it were just that, or if it happened with someone else, I don't think it would bother me, but there is a bit of a backstory and history with this friend, which is a bit long and complicated so I didn't want to get into it and I was only interested in perspectives with this particular situation. In any case, I think I now realize that the situation above put me at a tipping point with things that have been building up for some time now. Also, with this particular friend, historically, a typical "brunch" is casual and involves figuring out a place to eat the morning of, not necessarily at a traditional brunch place at a "brunch time." We would rarely actually make reservations somewhere, let alone reservations the night before, so that was a bit unexpected.
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