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I think it's natural to grow attached and feel jealousy if someone you like is giving someone else or others their attention or more attention than to you. I've felt jealousy in the past when some of my female friends I grew too attached to gave sexual attention to guys, even though I'm asexual.
I think it's best to keep such feelings to oneself and act like there's no problem if you don't want to lose the friendship, especially if you're married and don't have a sexual interest or serious sexual interest in your friend.
Did you get from my post that I was feeling jealous? Interesting. I wasn't associating it with jealousy, but I guess when someone stops paying as much attention to you the emotion is a little like jealousy, bcs they are obviously turning that attention to someone else. See, this is why I love message boards...so many different perspectives. And it really helps me look at it more deeply.
At the height of our "friendship" (a couple of months ago), if I didn't respond right away or if I wasn't texting him, he'd ask where I was and if something was wrong and at one point even asked me pls not to disappear on him. Which always surprised me, bcs I could never imagine saying things like that to him without coming across as needy and high maintenance. I guess that's why it was so weird when I stopped hearing from him regularly.
Doesn't matter anymore. Things are normal now. We are waaaaaaay past all of that. I think independently we came to the conclusion that it was all too much, we both stepped back. No huge conversations about it. (youre right about keeping some things to yourself). Just a step back. We are still in contact, but with much less intensity and much less familiarity. I think it was just an extended "honeymoon" period of a new found friendship. Which happens with same sex friendships too. It just gets confusing when it happens with a friend of the opposite sex.
Did you get from my post that I was feeling jealous? Interesting. I wasn't associating it with jealousy, but I guess when someone stops paying as much attention to you the emotion is a little like jealousy, bcs they are obviously turning that attention to someone else. See, this is why I love message boards...so many different perspectives. And it really helps me look at it more deeply.
At the height of our "friendship" (a couple of months ago), if I didn't respond right away or if I wasn't texting him, he'd ask where I was and if something was wrong and at one point even asked me pls not to disappear on him. Which always surprised me, bcs I could never imagine saying things like that to him without coming across as needy and high maintenance. I guess that's why it was so weird when I stopped hearing from him regularly.
Doesn't matter anymore. Things are normal now. We are waaaaaaay past all of that. I think independently we came to the conclusion that it was all too much, we both stepped back. No huge conversations about it. (youre right about keeping some things to yourself). Just a step back. We are still in contact, but with much less intensity and much less familiarity. I think it was just an extended "honeymoon" period of a new found friendship. Which happens with same sex friendships too. It just gets confusing when it happens with a friend of the opposite sex.
I thought you were implying it because of the title of the thread and where you mentioned he doesn't always keep in touch with you and that it probably wouldn't bother you if he was a female friend of yours, but I don't really know you well enough to know what's in your mind and was guessing through my experiences I thought might be relative. I hope I didn't offend you.
If a woman uses a man for his own purposes, and sleeping and making love with another man?
then let that man with whom she sleeps, and helps and befriends her.
I was friends with a girl and help her, but then she met a pilot who flies on big planes and earn big money.
Naturally she became friends with the pilot.
But for me the girl said, I'm not very promising ))))): D
I'm sure this has been discussed to death before. But I'm new here, so I missed it. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. I keep in touch with a handful of guy friends from before we started dating, but over the years those friends have kind of fallen away. He doesn't keep in touch with ANYBODY from his past. And although we are friendly with each other's friends, I wouldn't say we are FRIENDS with each other's friends (I will very rarely exchange texts with a friend or two of his, or talk to them on the phone if they call and he is not available, but that is about the limit of it). But I will say that being brought up with three brothers and studying in a male dominated field, I really do LOVE the company of men. I just don't bother pursuing new friendships with men because it seems inappropriate somehow.
Well. And then this happened. I reconnected with an old, old friend. We were never anything but platonic, as he was five yrs older than me at a time in our lives when five years was an eternity. But we've been in touch for the past year and a half (our fathers both passed away around the same time). Hubby knows about him and is occasionally threatened by it, but said friend lives 2,000 miles away and we have no plans to see each other. Our kids email on occasion and I've talked and texted (rarely) with his wife. Except he's gone from being a very consistent friend to disappearing for a week or two at a time. If it were a "girl" friend, it probably wouldn't phase me at all. I am a very low maintenance friend. People get busy. But for some reason, with this friend it feels like a rejection. Nothing "happened". He just doesn't text as often anymore, and when he does initiate he doesn't stick around long enough for it to turn into a conversation. When I check in I never know whether he will respond or not. I'm taking it personally. What gives? Did I accidentally form an inappropriate attachment to him?? Is this why male/female friendships are so tricky?
Lol of course you formed an attachment to him. And the fact that he is "unavailable" at times makes you want him more. That's a female trait that I've never understood. The less attention a girl gives me, the less I think about her. It sounds like something is lacking in your current relationship.
Did you get from my post that I was feeling jealous? Interesting. I wasn't associating it with jealousy, but I guess when someone stops paying as much attention to you the emotion is a little like jealousy, bcs they are obviously turning that attention to someone else. See, this is why I love message boards...so many different perspectives. And it really helps me look at it more deeply.
At the height of our "friendship" (a couple of months ago), if I didn't respond right away or if I wasn't texting him, he'd ask where I was and if something was wrong and at one point even asked me pls not to disappear on him. Which always surprised me, bcs I could never imagine saying things like that to him without coming across as needy and high maintenance. I guess that's why it was so weird when I stopped hearing from him regularly.
Doesn't matter anymore. Things are normal now. We are waaaaaaay past all of that. I think independently we came to the conclusion that it was all too much, we both stepped back. No huge conversations about it. (youre right about keeping some things to yourself). Just a step back. We are still in contact, but with much less intensity and much less familiarity. I think it was just an extended "honeymoon" period of a new found friendship. Which happens with same sex friendships too. It just gets confusing when it happens with a friend of the opposite sex.
Honeymoon period? Stop the drama. You are texting and building it up as more in your mind. Everyone has done it. This is why people love text, Facebook, etc. You can live a pretend relationship (be it romantic or platonic) without actually . . . living it. You keep the good and never see the bad. I think you are kinda fooling yourself on this one. Let it go.
Honeymoon period? Stop the drama. You are texting and building it up as more in your mind. Everyone has done it. This is why people love text, Facebook, etc. You can live a pretend relationship (be it romantic or platonic) without actually . . . living it. You keep the good and never see the bad. I think you are kinda fooling yourself on this one. Let it go.
Regarding the bolded parts in pink...
A former female friend of my husband did this while we were dating as well as when we were engaged.
He only wanted to be her friend. She wanted much more. She developed an emotional attachment towards him while we were in a relationship.
Lol of course you formed an attachment to him. And the fact that he is "unavailable" at times makes you want him more. That's a female trait that I've never understood. The less attention a girl gives me, the less I think about her. It sounds like something is lacking in your current relationship.
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
Exactly what is a man who is either 1) in a relationship with someone else, 2) engaged or 3) married supposed to do about that?
A former female friend of my husband did this while we were dating as well as when we were engaged.
He only wanted to be her friend. She wanted much more. She developed an emotional attachment towards him while we were in a relationship.
The two of them were never on the same page.
He ended their friendship for several reasons.
Why are you and your husband going that far on text with other people to the point that it even gets to that level?? I have a couple married female friends, one of which I hang out with a lot at work. But our post work texting is like one or two back and forth, and sometimes involves me asking about her husband. Neither of us would ever become remotely confused. Whatwver either of you (yourself or husband) are doing or saying to other people is going too far. I've had tons of platonic female friends but never had this issue - ever. Bottom line is you shouldn't be conversing on such a deep or continuous level with someone that you are not involved with.
Exactly what is a man who is either 1) in a relationship with someone else, 2) engaged or 3) married supposed to do about that?
He's not supposed to do anything. I was talking about what you are seeking, not him. Sounds like he is or was seeking a little thrill on the side too. Quit acting naieve. I've done it, my neighbor's done it, you are doing it now. No grown adult wastes that much time on the phone or text for a "close friend". It's your lil kick that real life is not currently providing.
Why are you and your husband going that far on text with other people to the point that it even gets to that level?? I have a couple married female friends, one of which I hang out with a lot at work. But our post work texting is like one or two back and forth, and sometimes involves me asking about her husband. Neither of us would ever become remotely confused. Whatwver either of you (yourself or husband) are doing or saying to other people is going too far. I've had tons of platonic female friends but never had this issue - ever. Bottom line is you shouldn't be conversing on such a deep or continuous level with someone that you are not involved with.
My husband's ex female friend was the one who texted him.
I never texted her.
Where do you get the idea that I am texting other people? I did not mention that in my post.
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