Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am confused about the "rehearsing in the house" part though. Rehearsing in who's home? If they are neighbors and you only share a wall why would they want to rehearse in your home?
Yeah sorry, that was unclear. They were asking which room I use the least so they could set up their band in the room that shares a wall with the "unused" room. I said "I use my entire house."
That's what really boggles my mind. If you're in a band, surely you know you have to find a place to rehearse that is not in a place that violates noise ordinances?
It also is what gives me pause about being really rude to these people because they could really make my life hell.
^^^ Too bad you can't learn to nicely rebuff people with a polite "no" rather than getting to the point where you have to conjure up excuses and alternate scenarios laced with rude, rather "holier than thou" comments. But maybe you just like the drama.
LOL! I am making this my mission. I thought of this thread just a short while ago.
I think rainierman is right on the money with this poverty culture business. This is definitely the case in my low income senior apt building.
[edit]
I just don't know.
You know, my mother stayed at my place while my husband and I were on vacation once. She said the original neighbor (the alcohol abuse one) came over at 9pm and asked her for a ride to the liquor store because she'd been drinking and couldn't drive, and my mom, who is a 35+ year teacher, just said, "no. I have had a glass of wine as well."
That was the end of that, somehow.
I think the advice on this thread advising "no" without excuses is really right on. The excuse is just a minor obstacle to overcome. It's completely true. You give them an excuse and they have a ready way of getting past it.
Thanks, you two...I really thought I was doing the "polite distance" thing already. Guess not...
How do consider what you were doing as "polite distance"? Both neighbors had your cell phone number in order to contact you.
Second one had your cell phone very quickly.
"Polite Distance" is you wave or honk the horn if you're driving off and they're outside, and every couple of months a brief conversation OUTSIDE for a few minutes.
I do my socializing at church and at hobby groups.
This is key for anyone considering moving into a senior apartment "community." Granted, the one I moved into is for low income seniors, so it may be worse. But, I have learned that when I move (and oh yes, I will be moving eventually) that the next place I move into, I will not participate in any of the activities, and i will not get friendly with anyone in my building.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Perhaps, you should tell your fellow apartment dwellers, "Sorry, I can't talk (help you, give you a ride, etc.) because I think that I'm coming down with the bubonic plague". Perhaps, it will cause them to stop and puzzle about it long enough for you to get away from them.
Good luck to you.
I LOVE IT! Some of them are such busy bodies that they will go tell the management that they think I'm losing my mind. That would be pretty funny if the manager came to check on me. They do "wellness checks" here, if nobody has seen someone in awhile, to make sure they aren't dead or something ha ha.
I moved from one unit into another one here in the same building, because of a horrible noise problem from the wine bar that was below my first apt. When I moved out of it, and we did the walk-through, I told the manager, whoops, I forgot to hook the doorbell back up. She said, why did you disconnect the bell? I said, because the woman across the hall would come over and ring it until I would answer, and it was driving me nuts. She just rolled her eyes. LOL!
I think I'll make a list of weird comebacks and rotate them. Tomorrow will be bubonic plague day. This could be fun! LMAO!
How do consider what you were doing as "polite distance"? Both neighbors had your cell phone number in order to contact you.
Second one had your cell phone very quickly.
"Polite Distance" is you wave or honk the horn if you're driving off and they're outside, and every couple of months a brief conversation OUTSIDE for a few minutes.
Not exchanging cell phone numbers.
Seriously, why? What's the big deal? Tons of people have my phone number. My neighbor on the other side has it too, as do a few down the road, and it's really come in handy to know each other's numbers. Some people abuse it, some don't, but it's not weird for neighbors to have each other's phone numbers. One of my best friends is a former neighbor who was a stranger at one point.
Once I rented a place and the owner had the entire neighborhood charted out with everyone's phone numbers on it for ease of contact. I really think that's normal. When people abuse it, it sucks, but exchanging numbers is the way of the world.
Seriously, why? What's the big deal? Tons of people have my phone number. My neighbor on the other side has it too, as do a few down the road, and it's really come in handy to know each other's numbers. Some people abuse it, some don't, but it's not weird for neighbors to have each other's phone numbers. One of my best friends is a former neighbor who was a stranger at one point.
Once I rented a place and the owner had the entire neighborhood charted out with everyone's phone numbers on it for ease of contact. I really think that's normal. When people abuse it, it sucks, but exchanging numbers is the way of the world.
You tell me? LOL. You're the one on here complaining about drunks texting you in the middle of night, you get rid of that nightmare and turn right around and give the replacement neighbor your phone number.
Kind of like the woman who breaks it off with loser boyfriend #1, who turns around and starts dating loser boyfriend #2.....didn't learn her lesson. Apparently you didn't either.
BTW, I am not the first poster who commented on that.
You give out your phone number VERY QUICKLY and do a lot of interacting very quickly with the new neighbors than you wonder why you have issues.
There is no reason to give out phone numbers that quickly to a new neighbor.
Are you one of those people who hangs out with someone 3 times and now they're one of your closest friends.
You don't put up boundaries from the start and than complain about a situation you helped create.
Learn from your mother. She nipped it right in the bud with your former neighbor "NO_______(fill in the blank)"
If they didn't have your phone number they would have to knock on the door or speak to you when you're outside. You can be polite but firm and get your point across, and unless they have the hide of a rhino and are completely clueless, they will get you want to be a "hi, bye" neighbor.
That's not the message you send when you start giving out your phone number.
You tell me? LOL. You're the one on here complaining about drunks texting you in the middle of night, you get rid of that nightmare and turn right around and give the replacement neighbor your phone number.
Kind of like the woman who breaks it off with loser boyfriend #1, who turns around and starts dating loser boyfriend #2.....didn't learn her lesson. Apparently you didn't either.
BTW, I am not the first poster who commented on that.
You give out your phone number VERY QUICKLY and do a lot of interacting very quickly with the new neighbors than you wonder why you have issues.
There is no reason to give out phone numbers that quickly to a new neighbor.
Are you one of those people who hangs out with someone 3 times and now they're one of your closest friends.
You don't put up boundaries from the start and than complain about a situation you helped create.
Learn from your mother. She nipped it right in the bud with your former neighbor "NO_______(fill in the blank)"
If they didn't have your phone number they would have to knock on the door or speak to you when you're outside. You can be polite but firm and get your point across, and unless they have the hide of a rhino and are completely clueless, they will get you want to be a "hi, bye" neighbor.
That's not the message you send when you start giving out your phone number.
I just skimmed this thread, but I pretty much agree with what you wrote here.
I'm a hardcore introvert I live in a major major busy city in a large condo complex with neighbors all around us and don't have all this drama that the OP has... and trust me.. condo living can be a bit of a challenge keeping your distance from your neighbors... don't get me wrong.. I chit chat a bit with them, but it's "polite distance" or something like that the was mentioned in this thread... no drunk texts or constant borrowing of things.....
I forgot about this effective tactic, it can definitely work. Start asking to bum stuff off of them, and usually they'll be the type not to hesitate to say no. Then all of the sudden they'll figure it's a waste of time to ask you anymore since they turned you down already.
I thought about that with my neighbor but I couldn't make myself do it. I can't stand to borrow anything, ever or even pretend I want to enough to ask someone.
I think I'll make a list of weird comebacks and rotate them. Tomorrow will be bubonic plague day. This could be fun! LMAO!
And, don't forget "coming down with leprosy day" and "mad cow disease day" and "head lice and scabies day". No one will want to ride in your car of bum a cigarette from you ever again.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Both neighbors had your cell phone number in order to contact you.
