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So I'm really missing the point now of why you came here looking for advice. I was the first to ask why you gave out your number to the neighbor a week after he moved in. I exchanged numbers with my neighbors after I got to know them first. You only seem to agree with posters who don't mention anything about you giving out your number...but yet you said he calls and texts all the time. So if that's one of your complaints why is it an issue if someone here says you shouldn't give your number out so quickly?
You see, the OP only wants to hear that they have no responsibility in the situation.
OP, I gotta agree that you were wrong to give this neighbor your phone number so quickly. You asked how to keep these things from happening, and you have to be open to hear the answer.
Answer #1) Don't give your phone number to your neighbors.
People like you and I need "rules" that are cemented in our head, so that when a predator/vulture catches us off guard, we don't immediately say "yes."
It feels wrong and mean, if you've been brought up to be accommodating. We are the suckers they look for.
I do think they regularly troll the masses. They get lucky when people like you and I take the bait.
"Sorry I don't give out my phone number."
"Sorry I don't cook other people's chickens." Yes, I have a story about a guy in my building who brought me a chicken one day, shortly after I moved into this senior apt bldg. My friends fondly/hysterically refer to him as Chicken Man. I open my door and he says, here's a chicken I had in my freezer.
WTF? So, my nice girl training kicks in, and I say, "Um, well, how about I cook it and give you back half?"
Yes, those of you with healthy boundaries are laughing your butts off, aren't you?
So, I cook it and give him half, thinking, that was weird.
How long do you think it took for him to bring me another chicken? Less than a week.
This time, I took the chicken, then about a week later told him it was bad, and I had to throw it out. (Which happened to be true, but I let him wonder.)
He never brought me another chicken.
But, my point is that I needed a new "rule." I don't cook other people's chickens.
Or at least, I don't give them back half anymore LOL!
So, take the advice to heart. New rule: I don't give out my cell phone number to neighbors. Ever.
Or, if you must modify the rule: You at least don't answer their calls or texts. Ever.
So I'm really missing the point now of why you came here looking for advice. I was the first to ask why you gave out your number to the neighbor a week after he moved in. I exchanged numbers with my neighbors after I got to know them first. You only seem to agree with posters who don't mention anything about you giving out your number...but yet you said he calls and texts all the time. So if that's one of your complaints why is it an issue if someone here says you shouldn't give your number out so quickly?
Hi Bella,
I think there's a line between giving advice (which I asked for and appreciate) and insulting and belittling me for things the belittler really knows nothing about.
I probably should have clarified I only gave my # to the first neighbor after seven years, so I really think it's out of line to make fun of me and assume I paper the neighborhood with my phone number and think I'm BFFs with everyone I meet. That's just really lame behavior.
I really don't care if people have my phone number. I am well known in the community and googling my name will pop up my phone number and address first thing. There is no point in trying to not give it out like it's some sort of secret. People who want it can find it really easily. I don't care if they have it, I only care if they abuse it. And in my experience, people who will abuse it will try harder to get it if you try to hide it from them.
OP, I gotta agree that you were wrong to give this neighbor your phone number so quickly. You asked how to keep these things from happening, and you have to be open to hear the answer.
Answer #1) Don't give your phone number to your neighbors.
People like you and I need "rules" that are cemented in our head, so that when a predator/vulture catches us off guard, we don't immediately say "yes."
Well, read my reply above re: my number. My phone number is not a secret in this city. Pretty much anyone can get it easily, it's not a matter of just plain not giving it out and having that solve the problem.
Aside from that, I'm totally open to advice (I asked for it) but not to being belittled and condescended to (you didn't do that, though, just the person I replied to).
I think the difference is that by giving them your number, you are giving them permission to call you. If they ask for it, and you say you don't give it out, even if they can find it online or whatever, now they are on notice it's not cool to call you.
I think the difference is that by giving them your number, you are giving them permission to call you. If they ask for it, and you say you don't give it out, even if they can find it online or whatever, now they are on notice it's not cool to call you.
I hope you can see the difference.
Yeah, fair enough. It's not as if every person one gives a number to is going to act like this though. No one else on the street does. Maybe it's just the vibe in that one house!
I think there's a line between giving advice (which I asked for and appreciate) and insulting and belittling me for things the belittler really knows nothing about.
I probably should have clarified I only gave my # to the first neighbor after seven years, so I really think it's out of line to make fun of me and assume I paper the neighborhood with my phone number and think I'm BFFs with everyone I meet. That's just really lame behavior.
I really don't care if people have my phone number. I am well known in the community and googling my name will pop up my phone number and address first thing. There is no point in trying to not give it out like it's some sort of secret. People who want it can find it really easily. I don't care if they have it, I only care if they abuse it. And in my experience, people who will abuse it will try harder to get it if you try to hide it from them.
mizzile, here's the thing--you're not giving all the details at once and you're clarifying after people made comments lol...I don't think anyone is intentionally trying to insult you
Personally, I wouldn't give a brand-spanking-new neighbor my phone number the hot second they move in. Like I said, I need to get to know them first. Unfortunately we don't get to really see how the neighbors are until we move in. Sadly, my block is very unsociable and I am close with only 4 other families.
You won't know if someone abuses your number until you give it to them. Let them ask for it and then you can decide if they should have it or not--feel 'em out a little. Do they seem clingy and/or annoying?
I've lived in my current home for 4 years now. The only neighbors that have my phone number are the ones across the street, who we are friends with. The neighbors on either side of me are not social at all (one home is being rented, so it's a new neighbor every year or every two years). Even with the neighbors across the street, it was a good 6 months to a year before we gave them our phone number. I've found that with good neighbors, I don't even have to ask to borrow things, my neighbor offers if he sees I need something, and I do the same.
Giving your phone number out right off the bat to a neighbor (a stranger who just happens to live next to you) is sending the wrong signal. It takes time to figure out whether you'd even want to socialize/talk with them at all.
Figure out what kind of person your neighbors are before giving them your personal information.
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