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Both my own parents were from small families. Family, however, was very important to my own father and he made sure we all got together for all the happy times. If one of us was out of town, we got an airplane ticket and we were there.
Now that we have families of our own, all of us realize what a nice thing our father taught us. Now, we have to keep doing the same.
As you get older, you may realize that life is too short and relationships with your family are important.
I've always believed in not sweating the small stuff - usually in a year, you won't remember what the big deal was but show up at the happy times!
One of my nieces is getting married this year. We recently had her bridal shower and her birthday was the same weekend. Both sides flew in to celebrate (groom's side/her side/all of us) - tons of us live nearby and it's important to be a part of each other's lives. I cannot tell you what a lovely weekend it was - the glow of that weekend has stayed with me - it couldn't have been done better. (OK, Dad, I see you in Heaven smiling!)
If you put effort into it and cultivating a relationship even if there is a small one, you never know what may happen. You and your cousin may click more now that you are adults, you just never know. Ten years from now, you may find yourself interviewing for a job in your cousin's city; you just never know. Life is a bunch of different seasons and you just never know what's around the corner.
My own children know their cousins well (most live within 15-30 miles) but it's nice; if I was not here, they have each other and I love that.
I would tell your parents to help you with the expense and go to the wedding. Weddings are usually fun!
If you can afford the airfare, and only need to take a single day off of work, I don't see why not, but you seem like you don't care about reconnecting with your uncle and cousin, or even your other relatives that will be there.
If I were you, I'd look at it as a fun change of pace and and chance to catch up with people that I haven't seen in ages- people that I may be able to become closer to. I'm the type that thinks family is worth the effort. YMMV, of course, but I bet that you'll have a great time if you go.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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How about this? Send a gift along with an note to connect via Skype, phone, whatever so at least you can say you acknowledged his wedding and tried to reach out to him. Perfect way to save cash and your PTO and clear your conscience.
I guess it depends on how close you are. I've been to many cousin weddings and I never see those cousins otherwise. I don't "regret" going to those weddings but in retrospect I wouldn't have missed much by not being there.
The OP clearly stated that they were 24 and hadn't seen or spoken to this male cousin in 14 yrs. How close are you to people you have had absolutely no contact with in well over a decade?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minethatbird
This alone would have settled the matter for me. Not only did they not know your address but couldn't be bothered to get it from your Dad and mailed it themselves?
Agree, this sounds like nothing more than soliciting for a gift.
I had a cousin send out an invite to his second wedding which was in NC(I'm in CA), the last time I saw him or talked to him was his first wedding 12 yrs earlier. We were never close, but I went out of obligation the first time. Lesson learned.
It's one thing if you're close or have at least some type of contact(a few phone calls during the year), but that's not the case.
It was also wrong of the OP's father to "assume" the OP would go. I would tell dad "well I assume you're paying for my airfare/hotel in Atlanta".
I've skipped weddings that were close by when they were for family members I barely knew (children of cousins I maybe met when they were 2 years old or whatever). I look at the big picture, who is going to be there is will I enjoy being around those people. Sometimes, depending on the branch of the family, the answer is NO so I don't go. The opposite is also true, I once crashed a cousins wedding I wasn't invited to when my brother, who was invited, couldn't go at the last minute. He had already RSVP'd and there was dinner and drinks and all sorts of fancy schmancy goings on so I figured why not? Everyone was surprised and happy to see me and I had a blast. I wasn't invited because I'm generally the loner in the family, the one who doesn't go to things, so folks tend to forget about me. That's ok, popping in when I want and staying away when I want has worked out well.
Our family is spread out across the country, and it isn't unusual for years to go by without seeing each other, especially for the generation that is now young adults. When my oldest got married 3 years ago, only two of the cousins attended. I was pretty annoyed, because we had traveled far and wide to some of their weddings, but I realized the difference was that these kids were now out on their own, and would have to foot the bill. Attendance was guaranteed when the parents were paying.
But, despite not seeing each other often, they do enjoy getting together when it happens. They planned a reunion for this summer, and everybody is going, except for us! The plan is to meet every two years, so hopefully by 2016 we can work things out. Family is family, and I think it's worth making an effort to stay in contact, when you can.
I think some are making too much of the fact that the cousins haven't seen each other in 14 years, when they were kids much of that time. If the adults in their lives didn't make it possible for them to spend time together, then how could they have grown close over the years? If the OP really just doesn't want to be bothered with the travel and expense, that's one thing; but I see it as a good opportunity to reconnect with his cousin as adults, and develop a relationship going forward. Besides, weddings are fun.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Thank you. I speak from the voice of experience - something some of our younger posters here can't quite appreciate.
Life is short. Invitations like these can be real opportunities for personal and family growth
Like Ceece said above, you have to try to look at the big picture!
Im sure at least a couple of posters who said nay are older posters but nice way to be condescending.
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We were never close, but I went out of obligation the first time. Lesson learned.
