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One of my long time friends has had issues maintaining steady employment over the years. He's 27, never finished college, and has only had steady employment at Sprint retail stores. His family situation is not the best, and his off-and-on girlfriend has a rare disease that only a few people in the world have, so she has significant disabilities.
I texted him this afternoon just to see how he was and what his summer plans are. He said he's planning to return home, but that he "wants to go somewhere and be productive." Granted, some of the issues are of his own doing, but he just can't seem to catch a break in school, work, or relationships.
How would you provide some comfort to someone in that situation?
You know what? I work several jobs, run a business, do volunteer work, am active in my local community, and I frequently feel that it's all pointless and I'm just wasting my time trying to contribute and be productive. Things are just designed to bring people down and when you have issue after issue, it can just weigh on you. Poor guy.
I would advise him to try to just make things better a little bit at a time. Doesn't have to be a lot better, just a little bit. Those little bits add up.
Not everyone desires to run the corporate rat race. I myself have gone from welfare to low wage job and back again. I always find myself bullied out of any job I get due to my awkward demeanor and naturally poor social skills. The truth is in the future with more jobs being eliminated a lot of people will be living on government checks on a near permanent basis.
One of my long time friends has had issues maintaining steady employment over the years. He's 27, never finished college, and has only had steady employment at Sprint retail stores. His family situation is not the best, and his off-and-on girlfriend has a rare disease that only a few people in the world have, so she has significant disabilities.
I texted him this afternoon just to see how he was and what his summer plans are. He said he's planning to return home, but that he "wants to go somewhere and be productive." Granted, some of the issues are of his own doing, but he just can't seem to catch a break in school, work, or relationships.
How would you provide some comfort to someone in that situation?
I dont think comfort is the answer for him. i think in his case he maybe needs information/teaching to be able to know how to make better choices. He may never have learned how to be an adult where he knows how to handle problems and how to avoid the things that he may be falling into.
if you say some of the issues are of his own doing, then i'd say - teach him a better way, or let him keep on making mistakes till he learns from them. i dont mean to be mean, but i swear sometimes if a person makes enough mistakes, they will be so miserable or uncomfortable that they will learn right quick how not to go there.
so not knowing him in person, these are what i would suggest.
I think a lot of people who have trouble finding a place in life and feeling "productive" get stuck by thinking that it's an "all or nothing" issue. Like there's a switch they can flip somewhere and magically have all of the pieces fall in place -- and then get very discouraged when change doesn't happen that way.
The truth is that sometimes life does change all at once, but mostly it comes in small steps -- small steps, but they have to be taken in order to get anywhere.
In his case, I would offer a listening ear and support, but also a suggestion that he make a list of what he wants to accomplish in life. Something way more specific than "be productive." Does he want to finish college? What sort of job does he envision himself having? What interests him?
From there, perhaps help him come up with a series of smaller steps he can take to achieve those goals. Breaking up big goals into smaller ones can help navigate the mountain, and crossing items off a checklist is satisfying to almost everyone, I think.
He isn't going to go from aimless to CEO overnight, but helping him see that small steps will still get you a long way with continued effort is kind of the modern equivalent of "teaching a man to fish..." versus just giving him the fish.
I am handicapped so I know how yours friend feels. I can not stress enough how hard it is to get a real break. I am college educated well liked and social. Yet I only land temp work here and there. Some part time work have volunteered worked as unpaid intern. People do not want to hire the handicapped only 17.9% work maybe half of them full time. Handicapped people all are limited in some way. Take me can not stand for long blocks of times. I can not type very fast thus shuts me out of a lot of work. Seems tons of jobs have typing tests I could never pass. Thus I end up with very dead end jobs. Yet I want so much more. Real job with good pay benefits a future. Now on to dating marriage kids. People say their is someone for everyone. But few handicapped people date or marry. It is very rare for us normal people marry and date all the time. Being handicapped puts you at the bottom of dating pool. It is much like the job market. Thus some handicapped people grab anyone just not be to alone. Often these people are not healthy have issues. Leading to more stress in their lives. The problem with handicapped people is finding happiness. When you know the odds are a good job wife kids are out of reach. You must find happiness in other ways. Friends travel college books movies a sunny day. Find happiness in little things. Because the big things may not be on table in the future. Be a good friend he will need one.
You know what? I work several jobs, run a business, do volunteer work, am active in my local community, and I frequently feel that it's all pointless and I'm just wasting my time trying to contribute and be productive. Things are just designed to bring people down and when you have issue after issue, it can just weigh on you. Poor guy.
I would advise him to try to just make things better a little bit at a time. Doesn't have to be a lot better, just a little bit. Those little bits add up.
One of my long time friends has had issues maintaining steady employment over the years. He's 27, never finished college, and has only had steady employment at Sprint retail stores. His family situation is not the best, and his off-and-on girlfriend has a rare disease that only a few people in the world have, so she has significant disabilities.
I texted him this afternoon just to see how he was and what his summer plans are. He said he's planning to return home, but that he "wants to go somewhere and be productive." Granted, some of the issues are of his own doing, but he just can't seem to catch a break in school, work, or relationships.
How would you provide some comfort to someone in that situation?
Wow, I don't know. I am in the same boat, just graduated college with my masters and I am applying everywhere...even fast food places so I can get some money in my pocket. My family situation is not the best and I don't have a girlfriend and I also a roommate that is a complete basket case.
I would say this...don't give up on your friend..i had people give up on me and think that I couldn't do it. I did finish school so that is something. Just being there for your friend is enough, maybe taking him out and having fun somewhere. You could also offer support and let him vent. As for taking him somewhere, it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. A park, a museum, something to just distract him from his issues would work wonders.
I wish there was more people like this out in the world.
I dont think comfort is the answer for him. i think in his case he maybe needs information/teaching to be able to know how to make better choices. He may never have learned how to be an adult where he knows how to handle problems and how to avoid the things that he may be falling into.
if you say some of the issues are of his own doing, then i'd say - teach him a better way, or let him keep on making mistakes till he learns from them. i dont mean to be mean, but i swear sometimes if a person makes enough mistakes, they will be so miserable or uncomfortable that they will learn right quick how not to go there.
so not knowing him in person, these are what i would suggest.
He's had issues with his family off and on. His dad is very religious and he is not, so they've had a bit of a hard-go over the years. He's closer to his mother, but doesn't get along with his brother, who also had a host of personal issues, but is now a nurse and seems to be on the right track.
He also got into some drug related trouble with a fraternity and was expelled from school a few years ago. The only way he got back in was the dean who expelled him died and was replaced.
Personally I think he needs some sort of structure and a job. I asked him if he would be interested in going to Nashville where the job market is healthier and he didn't respond. As far as I know, he's neither working nor in school in the summer, and it's easy to get into trouble with that much time on your hands.
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