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wait, so she just went through a break up and expects her friend to be there for her? And she's emotionally needy right now? You're kidding!!
And she wants to spend time with you??? A person she thinks is her friend? Craaaaazy!!
Maybe she "doesn't get it" because you don't explain it to her.
There's a toxic friend here, but it doesn't sound like it's her. Just sounds like she needs someone to lean on. I feel bad that her only option is someone who complains about her very existence.
I have this one friend who just broke up with her boyfriend, who doesn't have any girl friends only guy friends.
So everyday she calls me early morning and night does not want to get off the phone. Makes plans for me, always wants to go out and eat at restaurants, i'm on a budget, so i try to be frugal. It just seems like she is overly needy and clingy and i don't know how her boyfriend dealt with her, it's like she is taking over my life. And even worse i'm a single parent and i don't have time for any drama in my life and she is single without kids, always trying to invite me out for drinks. She is nice and i do feel for her, but i feel like i can't get nothing done. And she is always bragging about how she spent 2 hrs at the gym each day. I feel like some things she says is insensitive to my situation and that is why i don't hang out with younger single females with no kids, they just don't get it.
Let her know she's not really a "friend" and you don't care about her drama. Then she'll go away and find some "friends" that actually care about her and have the time. Problem solved. Honesty, don't ya think?
Well, speaking from experience, when my husband left me, I didn't take over other people's lives to prop myself up. I was fortunate and had friends and family who looked out for me, came over to spend time with me or invited me out. I didn't impose myself on them on a daily basis and expect them to fill in the void he left behind, to the point they resented me for taking over their lives with my issues.
Looks like this lady is not fortunate, as she obviously does not have a "friend" who looked out for her, or came over to spend time with her.
How might it have gone if the OP was your "friend"? Just sayin.
Inviting someone out a lot doesn't sound all that toxic to me. Just set boundaries with her. If you're busy and don't feel like talking on the phone, then don't answer it. If she wants to grab drinks and you can't afford to, then just tell her you're busy with your kids or on a budget or whatever.
I always look at intention. Is it her intention to purposefully drive you crazy or is she just lonely and wants someone to talk to and hang out with. Why are you friends in the first place? Would she be there for you if you were going through a tough time? I think people take their friendships way too seriously sometimes. Just like relationships, sometimes friendships don't last forever. If you feel she's a user and takes from you without giving back, then stop being her friend. It isn't as complicated as people make it.
If you truly think she's toxic and don't want to hang out with her, then just ignore her or blow her off for awhile. She will move on to someone else that will bend to her every beck and call. If you tell her that you don't want to be friends anymore and get into a discussion about it, it will probably get long and drawn out and cause more drama. Probably best to just keep things simple.
If you still sort of want to be friends with her, then just hang out once in awhile, and blow her off the rest of the time.
Not a big deal. If she questions you or whines, just say you have kids and you're busy. Its not going to kill her to be told no.
Well, the suggestion to "just say no" is an easy one to make, but it certainly doesn't solve the problem long-term.
Instead of complaining that your "friend" is calling at inappropriate times, tell her you can't talk just now and suggest, nicely, that you can call her back - perhaps later in the week?
Invitations for dinner or drinks should be met with the response, nicely, that you're on a budget and can't afford the expense and your time is also at a premium because you're a single parent who needs to attend to your child's needs.
You don't have to hurt her feelings by being abrupt or by hoping she'll go away. Just be honest and limit the time you spend with her. Eventually, she'll find a new boy friend and you'll be off the hook.
There are givers and there are takers, but some where in the middle is the happy medium. It sounds like you haven't found your happy medium yet back2MD. I wouldn't diss the friendship because she wants to be with you all the time. It seems you offer her something she desperately needs right now. The conflict comes with your inability to say no. You have the power to direct people to treat you the way you want to be treated. Needy people may need a ton of bricks to hit them on the head before they "get it." Find a way to build that emotional brick pile.
So how can your friend make plans for you? Not unless you let her control you. Just tell her the truth. Tell her your lifestyle is so different from hers that you just don't have the time to do these things with her. Tell her that you cannot take early morning and night calls as you are busy with your family then. If she gets you on the line, tell her that now is not a good time to talk and that you will get back to her sometime later in the week. Let her know that you have a family and that you are on a budget. Tell her right out that you are not free to run off to do things with her whenever she wants because of your family responsibilities.
Suggest that she try some meetup groups to meet new people.
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