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I would call her and tell her that you are going to be in her town for some specific reason (make one up if you have to) on some specific date and would it be alright to stop by because you haven't seen each other in so long and it would be great to get together for coffee (or whatever). See how she reacts. If she says fine come on over, there you go. If she makes up an excuse then just say that you miss her and would like to get together soon and what day is good for her? If she's depressed you probably need to be this pro-active to make this happen and see if she's doing okay.
Call her, send her flowers, send her cards telling her that you're thinking of her. What she's been through is unimaginable. There are ways to hold her hand without actually physically doing it.
Having been through the loss of one husband I can not even imagine what your friend is going through. But she is probably battling some very severe depression. When people are very depressed it is very difficult, almost impossible, for them to reach out to people eve those who love them, for help.
Don't give up on your friend. She needs you even if she does not know it.
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