U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-25-2014, 03:09 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,171 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

First of all I'm not engaged or dating I'm just a single man who is straight and I’mgoing to attend a friends’ wedding in a few weeks alongside my cousin who is also straight but there is also another friend of mine also attending the wedding and I have feeling he will be making homophobic remarks towards me andmy cousin even though he has never met my cousin and who I haven't spoken to in years.

What should I do should I tell my friend that I’m not going to their wedding because of this person that could disturb their special day over their remarks towards me and my cousin being gay when we aren't or just go with my cousin and avoid the person at all costs at the wedding?

And another question I have is this, how would you handle a guest that is just like my friend who is homophobic towards guests who are LGBT would you ban them from the wedding before the wedding happens or just ask them to leave if they make remarks towards guests.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-25-2014, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Rural Central Texas
3,605 posts, read 9,277,630 times
Reputation: 5448
I would not worry about it. If you do not attend and this friend does, who is to say he wont make similar comments about someone else? His behavior will not be modified by your lack of attendance. Why let him ruin your experience? If he does mouth off, then treat it as any other rude behavior and avoid him.

Unless you have given him cause for his opinion of you and your cousin, I am not clear on why you feel responsible for his poor behavior. Permit him to own his own actions and assume the reputation he earns. Do not take responsibilty for someone else in this respect.

To your last question, you cannot control the world and rude people will always abound. Deal with them the best you can and avoid them when practical. Unless the wedding party or guest list is above average in LGBT representation, what would cause such a person to cause a confrontation? If the person is just a known troublemaker, then the best approach would be to not invite them. Otherwise, avoid them and allow everyone else to deal with the person on their own. Everyone is adult and can handle their own issues until such time as the behavior demands intervention by the party owner.

Don't go borrowing trouble. You might be surprised how smooth things can go if you are not looking for trouble.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-25-2014, 05:21 PM
 
13,158 posts, read 20,772,581 times
Reputation: 35402
Why can't you just introduce your cousin to your friend? It sounds like a lot of manufactured drama to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-25-2014, 10:18 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
735 posts, read 729,232 times
Reputation: 922
First of all, I'd kick the homophobic friend to the curb because who needs a "friend" who's an abusive POS???

If I wanted to be at my decent friend's wedding, I'd go then if the POS started crap, I'd ignore him but maybe later on let the newly wedded friend know how great the wedding was except for that one POS instigator there who was trying to ruin the occasion. You're not me, though, so do whatever you think is best for you.

I sometimes have to deal with homophobic relatives who think I'm gay and judge me for their stupid thoughts & fears, but I try to avoid them when possible. It would be better to sever ties, but I don't want to lose them all.

Frienemies are much easier to dump, but I don't know how your relationship is with your friend(s). If they choose the POS instigator over you, then it would mean they weren't a good friend toward you either.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-25-2014, 10:29 PM
 
2,727 posts, read 2,272,046 times
Reputation: 4065
Moderator cut: snip
You're going to a wedding with your cousin, and may not go bc you are assuming someone is going to make gay remarks? May be over reacting a bit

Last edited by 7G9C4J2; 07-06-2014 at 07:21 PM.. Reason: removed unnecessary remark
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2014, 08:38 AM
 
2,060 posts, read 1,303,416 times
Reputation: 10017
How about a simple, "Hey, this is my cousin Bob. Any pretty girls at this wedding?" while Bob grins and looks around.


Really though... if you know some guy who randomly makes fun of people for being gay just because they happen to be seen with another man (what? he has no male friends?), just stay away. And if you can't, speak up... but respectfully.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2014, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
7,846 posts, read 10,814,591 times
Reputation: 9199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caleb Lakefield View Post
First of all I'm not engaged or dating I'm just a single man who is straight and Iímgoing to attend a friendsí wedding in a few weeks alongside my cousin who is also straight but there is also another friend of mine also attending the wedding and I have feeling he will be making homophobic remarks towards me andmy cousin even though he has never met my cousin and who I haven't spoken to in years.

What should I do should I tell my friend that Iím not going to their wedding because of this person that could disturb their special day over their remarks towards me and my cousin being gay when we aren't or just go with my cousin and avoid the person at all costs at the wedding?

And another question I have is this, how would you handle a guest that is just like my friend who is homophobic towards guests who are LGBT would you ban them from the wedding before the wedding happens or just ask them to leave if they make remarks towards guests.
Sounds like you're the homophobe, Caleb. You're more worried about some immature idiot who might make remarks. If this is a same-sex wedding and this person was invited, I would imagine that they wouldn't be making remarks. I also think you're the homophobe because you're actually contemplating NOT going to the wedding.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2014, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,005 posts, read 17,320,800 times
Reputation: 41259
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
How about a simple, "Hey, this is my cousin Bob. Any pretty girls at this wedding?" while Bob grins and looks around.
(snip).
That sounds like it will work.

It isn't unusual for friends or relatives of the same sex to go together to a wedding. Since weddings are so expensive, unless someone is engaged or living together the invitations aren't normally for a "plus one".

I'm thinking back to my son's wedding and there were a number of straight people who came with someone else straight who also was invited to the wedding. It was not a big deal at all.

Don't worry about it and have fun at the wedding, If someone makes an inappropriate remark just handle it politely and respectfully.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-06-2014, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Foothills, California
6 posts, read 5,809 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caleb Lakefield View Post
First of all I'm not engaged or dating I'm just a single man who is straight and I’mgoing to attend a friends’ wedding in a few weeks alongside my cousin who is also straight but there is also another friend of mine also attending the wedding and I have feeling he will be making homophobic remarks towards me andmy cousin even though he has never met my cousin and who I haven't spoken to in years.

What should I do should I tell my friend that I’m not going to their wedding because of this person that could disturb their special day over their remarks towards me and my cousin being gay when we aren't or just go with my cousin and avoid the person at all costs at the wedding?

And another question I have is this, how would you handle a guest that is just like my friend who is homophobic towards guests who are LGBT would you ban them from the wedding before the wedding happens or just ask them to leave if they make remarks towards guests.
[mod]snip[/mod] Everyone has their own values and morals they live by, you can't ban everyone which doesn't fit in with yours from attending a wedding. It doesn't make sense. Most of this seems like you are taking it more personal than it is, I know that can really hurt. easy for me to say just ignore it or set them straight. HOpefully you can tell them to back off, if they do not, call the police for verbally harassing you. Also avoid alcohol, even being around it. it'll only make things worse. Sorry you feel he might be a rat, it's his problem to deal with. Maybe he's jealous of you

Last edited by 7G9C4J2; 07-06-2014 at 07:25 PM.. Reason: Removed unnecessary remark
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-08-2014, 09:58 AM
 
28,905 posts, read 46,707,147 times
Reputation: 46025
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Why can't you just introduce your cousin to your friend? It sounds like a lot of manufactured drama to me.
This.

If the guy says something offensive, have the stones to say, "Hey, that's uncool, man." Then change the subject.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top