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Old 07-18-2014, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Wallingford, CT
1,063 posts, read 1,088,285 times
Reputation: 1220

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhiilySue View Post
Tac-Sea, she's currently a stay at home mom. Her husband supports them.
Sounds like she's just bored. Tell her to find a busy-work kind of job in a high-stress environment.

I'm one of those people who always has wild ideas too, I just don't have funds. Which is why they stay ideas and not reality and then failures. The only thing that keeps my mind off of it is my job.

And don't give me the "being a stay at home mom is a job" spiel. If her husband wants to continue being the only source of income, have her do some volunteer work somewhere. She just needs to keep busy.
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Old 07-18-2014, 08:52 PM
 
47 posts, read 60,933 times
Reputation: 160
Wow, I just had a chance to get back to this thread and I truly appreciate each and every response! Ok, maybe the ones that kicked my butt, not so much.
When I said my dtr was over 35, I was too embarrassed to say she is actually 45, with a 7 year old girl. I am retired thus the move closer to the family and the increased time together.

Best things I took from posters: no more money!
Help steer her towards business resources if asked (I have a background in contracts and budget analysis and have done work ups of various scenarios at her request) -otherwise steer clear of involvement.
Continue to grow the relationship and appreciate her creative nature.
My own personality is such that I benefit from a splash of cold common sense, otherwise I overthink things to an absurd degree. Many thanks.
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Old 07-18-2014, 10:58 PM
 
37,656 posts, read 14,620,386 times
Reputation: 23894
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhiilySue View Post
Wow, I just had a chance to get back to this thread and I truly appreciate each and every response! Ok, maybe the ones that kicked my butt, not so much.
When I said my dtr was over 35, I was too embarrassed to say she is actually 45, with a 7 year old girl. I am retired thus the move closer to the family and the increased time together.

Best things I took from posters: no more money!
Help steer her towards business resources if asked (I have a background in contracts and budget analysis and have done work ups of various scenarios at her request) -otherwise steer clear of involvement.
Continue to grow the relationship and appreciate her creative nature.
My own personality is such that I benefit from a splash of cold common sense, otherwise I overthink things to an absurd degree. Many thanks.

With a 7 year old daughter, she is probably looking for something to do to help with the family finances now that she has more time available.

Explain you no longer have the financial resources to pay for lessons, licenses, food trucks, etc. but you're willing to help any other way you can, such as budget analysis, etc.

Continue to appreciate her creative nature and love her to pieces. She sounds like a delight.
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Old 07-19-2014, 02:41 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,420 posts, read 3,276,144 times
Reputation: 13529
I actually know someone who makes a decent living doing equine massage, lol.
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Old 07-19-2014, 03:42 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
7,628 posts, read 14,323,314 times
Reputation: 18705
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhiilySue View Post
Tac-Sea, she's currently a stay at home mom. Her husband supports them.
I am starting to get the message that I'm not doing too good with boundaries, and it's resonating with me.
I have gotten better about not reaching for my wallet so easily, so no more investments in 'hamster psychology' or such like.
May I recommend and EXCELLENT book that helps us understand how to deal with such "ties" to our older children...."Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children" by Allison Bottke. Available on Amazon.com, very reasonable in price (paperback or Kindle version) and it will REALLY help ANY parent of adult children struggling with enabling, blame, money flow as well as helping you implement rules and boundaries and teaching YOU to trust YOUR instincts.

With so many parents struggling with adult children that are having difficulty transitioning to independent-functioning adulthood for whatever reason (because of the economy/wild dream chasing/Peter Pan Syndrome)... it really helps to learn that YOUR version of successful and happy is something your adult child may not be interested in for themselves, and it helps you understand how to deal with it and remain sane.

Hope this helps!

Last edited by Paka; 07-19-2014 at 04:57 AM..
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Old 07-19-2014, 08:17 AM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,958,928 times
Reputation: 3702
If she wants to contribute and doesn't mind watching kids, get licensing to have an in home daycare. My mom did this for many years and was able to 1- be at home with the kids, and 2- earn income. It didn't cost much to get started, and then she was advertising on Craigslist, the PennySaver, etc. At first she was committing to nights and weekends to build clients, but eventually her daycare hours turned to 6:30 am to 6:30 pm (she had maybe 1 or two parents who had to come early or late). Ten years ago she was making like $3k/month with a full load of kids, and she was part of a state nutrition program so the food she gave to the kids was free (it had to be NUTRITIOUS FOOD and she had to document daily what she fed the kids). Well free in the sense that she was reimbursed for her costs.

Hubby and I have dreamed of owning our own food truck. We have a fabulous idea, but we started out testing the food on family and friends, and then perfecting our recipes, we even applied to "Great Food Truck Race" and almost got in. We were rejected one round and the next round when they contacted us we had to say no as I'm pregnant!

Opening up a food truck takes a lot of time and a decent amount of money, can be up to a $30k to $50k investment and it's a job where you work long days and have to rush around to find good spots to sell, etc. The poster who said she'd have to sell 200 sandwiches/month to make payments, try more like 200/day. You also have to look into your local government because they only give out so many permits/year, there are lots of food restrictions and food handling licenses you need, not to mention you have to know where you can and can't park your food truck, etc.

We researched a lot and even now have put that dream on hold, we still have our business plan, our recipes, our ideas, we still make the food at home now and then, tweaking recipes, considering how the food will hold up, etc. But we both work full time jobs, make good money, and now have a child on the way.

Maybe she should watch a few episodes of food truck race to see how much these people bust their butts. She doesn't sound like the type of person who wants to work 12+ hour days outside the home.

Last edited by beera; 07-19-2014 at 08:26 AM..
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Old 07-19-2014, 08:41 AM
 
4,351 posts, read 3,212,974 times
Reputation: 7346
All you can do is listen to her ideas and let her do what she wants. Don't damage your relationship with her by shooting down her ideas. Just listen and do not offer any opinions.

At 45, and has every right to pursue her dreams, however unrealistic they may seem.

But like others have come to realize, do not give her any more money.
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Old 07-19-2014, 09:20 AM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,172 posts, read 15,394,579 times
Reputation: 64027
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhiilySue View Post
I have one daughter, over 35, with a family of her own. She has always had unrealistic expectations of how her life would turn out, and comes up with some (to my mind) outlandish schemes: horse massage therapy - she made about $50 total after I foolishly paid for the course. Then a bakery business that I'm sure lost money.
Now that I live closer, the great thing is that our relationship is growing closer. What I struggle with is how to react when she talks about some scheme that I know is never going to work out. At first I would be 'gently' discouraging. Now I do better by saying " gee, that's interesting, how would you go about getting started with that?"
Her current plan- buy a food truck and serve organic vegan (or something) food. I can hardly hold back from screaming "do you know how many $7.00 sandwiches you have to sell to make payments on a food truck??"
There must be a better way to handle her out-loud dreaming. Any ideas?
Tell her to make a list of the pros and cons for any business ideas she shares with you. Ask her if she has written a mission statement, and has a business plan. As far as the food truck idea goes, it is a current trend, tell her to examine another recent trend, the cup cake craze... Crumbs, a well known cup cake store is now closing it's doors.

People used to call truck food vendors "roach coaches", and now foodies think they are all the rage. The secret to riding trends is to know when to get in, and know when to get out. Can she rent a food truck instead of purchasing one? You can ask her a lot of hard, realistic questions about her latest business idea, and also kindly mention that you will not invest or loan her any money, due to her track record of failed business ventures.

Your daughter is an adult, and she deserves to be treated like one. To see how entrepreneurs and investers hash out ideas, I'd suggest both of you start watching the TV show "Shark Tank."
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Old 07-19-2014, 09:35 AM
 
2,087 posts, read 2,351,698 times
Reputation: 1527
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhiilySue View Post
Tac-Sea, she's currently a stay at home mom. Her husband supports them.
I am starting to get the message that I'm not doing too good with boundaries, and it's resonating with me.
I have gotten better about not reaching for my wallet so easily, so no more investments in 'hamster psychology' or such like.
I would have suggested that.

Having a spouse work and take care of you and then you can pursue whatever silly dreams you want without needing of making $ for food.
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Old 07-19-2014, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,016 posts, read 12,357,360 times
Reputation: 18928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chubsworth View Post
She will have to sell 200 sandwiches a month to make payments on a food truck.
There are a lot of variables there. Assuming she can find a used food truck in good condition for $50,000 and can get by on $800/month insurance, gasoline and maintenance, her total payment will run around $1800/month. Food is normally calculated as 1/3 materials, 1/3 overhead and 1/3 profit. At 3x $1800, she would have to move $5400 worth of product a month. Divide that by 20 working days, and that's $270 in sales a day. That's 38 $7 sandwiches a day, though she would be moving other product too. Coffee is a high profit item, soft drinks not so much. In any case, it would be more like 700 sandwiches a month to handle her overhead.

Of course, $1800/mo. would put her in the "working poor" income bracket, but that's her choice.
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