Younger cousin lives with me, is irritating (girlfriend, father, person)
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My girlfriend and I live together in Philly. My cousin Kirsten and her parents live nearby, about 10 minutes away. Things have been pretty rocky in their marriage, they're at each other's throats and in counseling( both marriage and individual) so what the family( Kirsten+ her parents agreed) decided is have her, live in our apt, for as long as needed. so her parents can focus on fixing up the marriage and not have her in that environment and seeing anything more than what she has( there's no physical abuse though).
Even though her parents are going through this problem and she’s probably shaken by it, It was decided between my girlfriend and I that she will pull her own weight, do chores, get up a decent time( even if it is summer). We talked to her parents before we took her in and they basically gave us " parenting power" and if Kirsten ever pulled the " you're not my parents" card, they'd back me up. Coming into this I thought it'd be kind of fun and we'd get along and hang out, but no.
Since May when she moved in, we've grounded her several times, taken away her phone, laptop, etc, but she's persistent in talking back( even to my girl), cussing up a storm, and rolling her eyes. Her parents have tried talking to her, she ignores it. I suspected her acting up was just pent up anger and sadness from her parents situation, tried talking to her, to no avail. My other thought was "maybe this is just the run of the mill, teenage rebellious stage". My girlfriend and I like to go out on dates, we can't anymore because we can't trust her. 3 weeks ago, when we were out for date night, she drank 3 beers, we had 3 in the fridge before we left, 0 when we got back, and her breath smelled like booze. Last week we went out, came back, she had a guy over, a guy we never met, her excuse was " I was bored". I don't feel like a cousin anymore, I feel like a worn out middle aged father.
Dump her back on her parents. You guys are too young for this BS. You were sweet for having her. She is intent upon screwing up. At the end of the day, her parents are responsible for her - no matter their own personal screw-ups.
Dump her back on her parents. You guys are too young for this BS.
We've discussed that, not only between ourselves, but with my parents as well and we came to the conclusion that it's best if she's not in the house with her parent's 24/7 bickering. Why do you think she's acting up? Even when we ground her and give her chores, she just does the chores without any effort put in.
It seems unfair to me that the teenager loses her home because her parents refuse to stop fighting in front of her. It's the parents who would seem to benefit more from a temporary physical separation while they work out their issues in therapy. Why was the daughter chosen to leave the family home instead of one of the parents?
You're making your relatives problems your problems.
I don't see an upside to this for you, your girlfriend, or your cousin. It's a set of responsibilities which you aren't capable or prepared to deal with.
It was nice of you to try to help out, but the parents here need to step up and be parents to their daughter. If there's a family split in the making, it's all theirs to make and they get to deal with taking care of their child who apparently doesn't view your efforts with any appreciation or respect for your kindness.
Time, IMO, for you and girlfriend to get on with your own lives. Kudos for trying to help out, but you've taken on an impossible situation which is detrimental to your interests. There's more here than simply a teenager playing games at your expense.
Now you know why their marriage was rocky. Someone needs to get her into family counselling so she can adapt to a healthy family situation, if there's one available for her to live in. btdt. Look up narcissism - she may fall into that or borderline personality disorder.
We've discussed that, not only between ourselves, but with my parents as well and we came to the conclusion that it's best if she's not in the house with her parent's 24/7 bickering. Why do you think she's acting up? Even when we ground her and give her chores, she just does the chores without any effort put in.
There are worse thing things than listening to your parents bicker 24/7.
Being ejected from the family is one.
Part of what she is doing is typical teen behavior--sneaking beers, talking back, doing chores without effort...
But part of what she may be acting out is the hurt she is feeling at being rejected by her parents.
And part may be her clumsy attempts at getting back with her family.
Her parents are abdicating their responsibility and demonstrating by their actions that they don't love her all that much, certainly don't love her enough to keep her home. Even when children misbehave, they need to now they are loved beyond reason.
She's their kid and they need to finish raising her. If they can't stop 24/7 bickering, then at least limit it to when she's out of the room. Which is plenty of time given that most teens spend a good deal of time in their room or out with friends.
You've given the Bickersons a brief break to settle their differences. Good for you. Time for them to step up.
Good luck.
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