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Old 07-23-2014, 09:31 PM
 
35,120 posts, read 40,064,647 times
Reputation: 62035

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Personally I think you have done more than enough for your son and his wife so I would back away from this issue and leave it up to your son to get a loan for the home he wants.

It appears you think if you offer to help and follow through your son will be better for the long term and I would venture to guess that is not true and I think you know it is not true, it is just very hard to admit.

Settle the estate to the exact specifications of the will and be done with it, if your son can get a loan great then he gets the house. If he can't get a loan great, he doesn't get the house.

He is 38 years old and honestly should not even want his Mother's financial help to purchase something that is a want not a need.
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,943 posts, read 17,243,367 times
Reputation: 40993
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
(snip)

But, my son has not asked me for a loan. I offered to lend him the money for the difference between his share and the cost of the rent house. Same with his home loan. I offered.
Has your son been making regular payments to you for the money that you loaned him for his house?
Or has he "forgotten" to make payments to you the same way that he "forgot" your birthday and Mother's Day over the last ten years.

If he has been making regular payment and he treats you with respect and he insists that his wife treat you with respect, then maybe you could loan him more money.

Frankly, he probably should use the inherited money to pay back the loan that you gave him for his house, if he hasn't repaid all of the money yet.

If he wants to buy a rental property he can do it on his own. After all, he is not a 22 year old young adult just starting out after college he is a 38 year old married man.
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:35 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,665 posts, read 4,381,744 times
Reputation: 11628
My son has been making regular payments. He has never once been late in the 9 years since I gave him the loan.
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,943 posts, read 17,243,367 times
Reputation: 40993
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
My son has been making regular payments. He has never once been late in the 9 years since I gave him the loan.
That is great news, in a way. In another way, he forgot your birthday and Mother's Day but remembered to make his loan payments?

I still feel that you should ask him to repay the loan out of the money that he inherited from your mother and not loan him more money.
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Old 07-23-2014, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,665 posts, read 4,381,744 times
Reputation: 11628
The loan for his house specifically comes due at the time of his inheritance and it will be repaid to me.

I am listening to this advise and if I do lend him any money to bridge what he needs to get the rent house, it will be for a small amount and at market interest rate.
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:43 PM
 
Location: Our own little Loonyverse
238 posts, read 185,370 times
Reputation: 819
I'm in the minority on this one, not on whether you should loan your son the money- that is strictly up to you.

I think your brother should mind his own business. And I say this as the kid with the dad EVERYONE loved. And I mean every single person. Kids, adults, co-workers, you name it. Except for the people who lived with him.

No one knows what any given situation is unless they are living it. Your brother has your version of events, and your version only. You may or may not have been a great parent, obviously you think you were. So did my dad, he couldn't understand why his kids feared, resented and hated him (until I, at least, made peace and realized even though it was a crappy way to parent, he was doing the best he could at the time, then pretty much separtated myself from him) and kept the grands away.

I am just saying that until / unless your brother gets your son's version of events, it's not his business at all. He has no right to tell you what to do with your money, assuming it is your personal money and not the estates, which is how I read it.

However you decide to handle the situation, don't let anyone tell you what type of relationship to have with your son. I am a random stranger on the internet, and from a latter post, I got that while you think you were a great parent he felt you were not there for him when he needed you, and if you were crazy busy making the bucks to provide things, I get his point, at least to an extent.

You are where you are now, and you need to figure out what type of relationship you want to have with both your son and your brother, but though you love them both, don't let either of them tell you what to do or how to act with the other.

Just my 2cents, take it for what it is worth. I wasn't going to comment at all, but since no one else offered anything but your brother is right and your son is wrong, I thought I'd offer a different (possible) perspective.

Best of luck to you with your family.
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Old 07-23-2014, 11:49 PM
 
10,812 posts, read 8,029,154 times
Reputation: 17006
OP, I wish you peace and clarity in this situation. There appears to be a lot of hurt in this situation with your brother and son. Have you considered counseling for yourself to deal with this it? Please do so, there are free / low-cost options in Dallas.
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Old 07-24-2014, 01:56 AM
 
18,304 posts, read 23,445,474 times
Reputation: 34251
the truth shall set you free - you know the truth, so don't marinate in falsehoods or false accusations....

treat your son as an adult, as he treats you, and not as a misguided 12 yr old boy, you are tripping over your kind heart.

thank your brother for doing the right thin,,, and id stop using the word hate- your brother is being the adult, being responsible, if he is treating his nephew as his nephew treats him or you,,,then that's ok,,,sounds like your son needs maturing


DO NOT THINK THAT IF YOU PLAY NICE NOW, things will be different- you are feeding a monster, and get hurt worse ....... hoping and hoping...

your son did the misdeeds, caused this pain and b.s. he needs to man up and apologize
all this is in the past, he still should apologize today


your brother is protecting you- thank god!!
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Old 07-24-2014, 01:59 AM
 
6,891 posts, read 3,822,810 times
Reputation: 14606
There's an awful lot going on here and a lot that's been unsaid. Your outline doesn't give enough detail for judging who's right and who's wrong (probably everyone involved.)

But there is one absolute and unequivocal fact: Your brother doesn't get to tell you how to spend your money!
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Old 07-24-2014, 03:21 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,454 posts, read 3,297,202 times
Reputation: 13663
Your brother may be 100% correct. But even if he is, IMO he ought to butt out of you and your son's relationship and let you work your interpersonal problems out yourselves. It's one thing if someone is being abused or untenably taken advantage of - that requires intervention. Thinking someone is an ungrateful brat does not. Basically, you have a relationship with your son, you have a relationship with your brother, and your brother has a relationship with your son. The only ones of those that are your brother's job to manage are the two that include him.
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