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Old 07-24-2014, 12:02 PM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,594,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aneye4detail View Post
Not sure if this should go in parenting? I put it here because there is no longer any romance, has not been for 14 years. Here it is in a nutshell:

Man impregnates woman he was seeing for a very short time. She gets butt hurt when he dumps her (because he didn't like her all that much), and he moves on to someone else and gets married. Man takes total responsibility for baby and from day one, wants to be involved with baby as much as possible. They go to court several times about custody and each gets about half. I believe the mother got maybe 60%. She went after him for child support and got as much as she could squeeze out of him.

Over the years, when he wants his son for maybe an extra hour or two, a different day, pick him up a little early, all the mother ever says is no, no, no. If he does anything to rock the boat, she threatens to takes him back to court to see if she can squeeze any more out of him for child support, or actually does it. If it was up to him, he would gain 100% custody.

Fast forward to present time. The boy is now 14 years old and he is in the custody of his mother this week. It's his cousin's (on his dad's side) birthday party, and by some miracle, the mother actually lets him attend without too much fuss. But when he asks if he can spend the night at his cousin's, the mother says, tell your father I'll allow it, BUT....he must give up a night with you to make up for this night you're spending with your cousin.

How selfish, immature, self-serving, stupid is this????? Can the 14 year old simply just go to a birthday party and can she not make it about custody?? Is she going to do this when he's 16? 17? When will it stop? On his 18th birthday???

The father truly believes she will never change and is just continuing to hold on to a grudge from 14 years ago. I think this is so ridiculous, it just infuriates me!!!

You totally contradict yourself. How does he take total responsibility from day one(your words) if she had to go after him in court?
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,409 posts, read 52,403,598 times
Reputation: 70378
Two people are so irresponsible that they cannot keep it in their pants or take precautions so that a person you don't even like that much doesn't get pregnant... screws a kid over in the meantime and then asks why everything isn't cool?

Seriously?
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:08 PM
 
3,955 posts, read 3,183,098 times
Reputation: 12864
Quote:
Originally Posted by aneye4detail View Post
As far as people's advice to butt out. I haven't butt in.

I'm simply posting a post on City Data Forum to get confirmation that this mother is annoying and immature. It is my business when it affects my son's ability to spend quality time with his cousin. It is my business because I choose to make it my business. However, I have not even talked to the mother in 14 years, with the exception of talking to her on the phone last week to ask her about her son's attendance at my son's birthday party. It was a totally amicable conversation.

I also posted to see if anyone had any knowledge about what the son can do if anything when he gets older. Like can he say he would prefer to spend more time with his father and would the courts "hear" him?
There is no way to tell if this mother is annoying and immature. We only have one side of this situation. I have a strong feeling that if we heard the other side of the story, it would sound far different.

You may choose to make it your business, but it is NONE of your business. Find something else to do instead of meddling.
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:12 PM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 6,400,105 times
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@MmeZeeZee

Oh zing, i agree childsupport is given to the mother via the child. Hmm interesting that childsupport isnt designated to support the child by law. And even more interesting is how half of the non custody mother are not ordered to pay child support.

But never the less, it obvious that you really don't have a clue of what the real issue is. Most men don't have a problem with financially supporting there children. My brother and my divorced non custody friends all worked two jobs when the children were born to bring more to there children. Gee wonder what the problem really is? Could it be that we as a society and the system is more concerned with finding someone to be responsible then to be a parent? How much government money goes into enforcement of childsupport and money then enforcement of parenting time or just parenting rights? How many government agencies are setup for childsupport? Will the government provide you with free representation to get,

Continue on my next post:
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:16 PM
 
3,311 posts, read 3,530,199 times
Reputation: 5565
OK People ----- Pardon my wording, OK??? For cripe's sake, I was just trying to paint a picture.

I have asked him for a few more details. The baby was born, his paternity was established and he began paying child support. What I meant to get across is that she has taken him to court several times over the years just to be a ***** and milk as much money out of him as possible. She doesn't need to be a ***** and keep trying to get more and more. Especially when he has 40% custody!

This thread is about how she is acting today, present time, with regard to letting her 14 year old go places while in her custody. Not about child support!
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:21 PM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,608,301 times
Reputation: 41111
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Two people are so irresponsible that they cannot keep it in their pants or take precautions so that a person you don't even like that much doesn't get pregnant... screws a kid over in the meantime and then asks why everything isn't cool?

Seriously?
Hammer, meet nail.
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Ohio
5,626 posts, read 5,030,224 times
Reputation: 6765
Ok well Child Support is usually paid to the residential parent despite if its 50/50 set up or not with custody. Its also based on how much money you make (or state minimum or min wage mattering on your state). Support can also be recalculated every 3 yrs. So no i dont believe your bullhonkey that she is milking and milking for more money- thats just not possible unless his pay has gone up and then it IS fair! Your child support shouldnt stay the same just because you want it to.
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:28 PM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 6,400,105 times
Reputation: 3122
@MmeZeeZee

Continued from last post:

Enforce or collect childsupport or paternity? Yes. Will the same government help you with enforcement of parenting time or custody issues? No.

I believe i can say that people get tired of the attitude that us males are here just to be responsible. We create the deadbeats.

If your looking for a guy just to be responsible, don't bother me. If your looking for a guy to be a father, parent then be responsible? Im here.
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:32 PM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,608,301 times
Reputation: 41111
Quote:
Originally Posted by aneye4detail View Post
OK People ----- Pardon my wording, OK??? For cripe's sake, I was just trying to paint a picture.

I have asked him for a few more details. The baby was born, his paternity was established and he began paying child support. What I meant to get across is that she has taken him to court several times over the years just to be a ***** and milk as much money out of him as possible. She doesn't need to be a ***** and keep trying to get more and more. Especially when he has 40% custody!

This thread is about how she is acting today, present time, with regard to letting her 14 year old go places while in her custody. Not about child support!
Most of us understand what the thread is about. You are here complaining about something that is not your business and is not happening to you. He is your nephew, I assume he is a grown adult, and he is perfectly within his right to get an attorney if he sees fit. What you appear to want here is for someone to say, "You are right, she is a *****."

Well, we haven't heard her story. We don't know if your nephew is "one of those dads" who purposefully works low-paying jobs, quitting whenever she takes him to court for money, so he doesn't have to pay a lot of child support. We don't know if he pays it on time. We don't know if he gives her attitude because he doesn't even like her and she saddled him with this kid, so in turn, she feels defensive.

Why do you need confirmation that she is a ***** from anyone? That's apparently what your opinion is, and it's your right to have one, but it seems quite strange to come here and call her names and ask for our opinion, when it's not about you in the first place.

What do you hope to gain here? Sympathy? You know, there are other forums with less mature adults that would happily jump on the bandwagon with pitchforks and crosses afire, but here, we pretty much keep it real.
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Old 07-24-2014, 12:34 PM
 
7,360 posts, read 13,175,744 times
Reputation: 8919
Quote:
Originally Posted by aneye4detail View Post
This thread is about how she is acting today, present time, with regard to letting her 14 year old go places while in her custody. Not about child support!
But that's just the thing. Circumstances has lead to this kid spending time with his paternal side of family ON HIS FATHER'S TIME. If anything, given to the mother's history, she's actually bending backward by letting the boy go to the party on her watch. You and your nephew should be glad she's actually working with you guys on this. It's fair that she sets the trade terms on the spending the night. Nephew could just say no to the spending the night now, and wait until its his watch to let the boy spend the night at your house-- either way it's a block of time he'll sacrifice for his son. Given to the furor that you and your nephew display, I don't see why she should sacrifice the time herself. It doesn't sound something that would be appreciated by you guys anyway.
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