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Old 02-23-2017, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,022 posts, read 516,451 times
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Demeaning & offensive? Absolutely. But unless it's someone I'm going to interact with on a regular basis, I don't bother saying anything about it. I know they generally don't mean to offend.
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Old 02-23-2017, 09:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMetal View Post
Demeaning & offensive? Absolutely. But unless it's someone I'm going to interact with on a regular basis, I don't bother saying anything about it. I know they generally don't mean to offend.
What on earth is so demeaning and offensive?

I think people these days have really thin skin. lol.
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Old 02-23-2017, 09:17 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,220 posts, read 41,812,025 times
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Originally Posted by TUMF View Post
Especially in the south, it's very common for 'hon, sweetie, baby, darling' type 'names' be used when greeting people.
Yep, and I love it!!

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Old 02-23-2017, 09:23 PM
 
Location: So Cal
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I'm always taken back at how many people tend to find fault in these little terms.

America has gotten to a place where it's like some kind of prize winning contest to be the first to exclaim how they are outraged at some kind of perceived social slight.
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Old 02-23-2017, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,022 posts, read 516,451 times
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Originally Posted by .sparrow. View Post
What on earth is so demeaning and offensive?

I think people these days have really thin skin. lol.
It implies a level of intimacy & familiarity that you do not have with me. It is also infantalizing the recipient, which is demeaning & attempts to create a position of superiority or power by the person using the language that refers to you in childish & familiar terms. It is a sometimes unconscious, oftentimes very conscious attempt to make yourself superior to the person you're speaking to. Thereby creating an unequal power dynamic. Especially egregious in customer service situations, when in fact, the one being referred to in infantalizing, familiar language, is actually the one with more power in the transaction.

It's the same as using "girl" at work, to speak about an adult woman, thereby infantilizing her & giving you a perceived power over her. She's just a child, but you're an adult. The same people who use those terms would never think to refer to an adult male at work, as "boy". By equating them with children, you help to ensure gender inequality for everyone

"that girl in accounting" you hear all the time
"that boy in accounting" you'll never hear in a million years.

It has nothing to do with thin skin. It's a transparent attempt to create an unequal power dynamic, where one does not exist. Since I am an adult, it is demeaning to refer to me as a child. Since you don't know me, it's offensive for you to use terminology that only someone intimately familiar with me, should be using.

I know some of the people who use these terms don't have this intent, but the end result is the same. You may as well be patting them on the head.
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Old 02-23-2017, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
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Doesn't bother me a bit. My personal fave is darlin'...said with a deep southern drawl.
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Old 02-23-2017, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Chicago. Kind of.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I'm always taken back at how many people tend to find fault in these little terms.

America has gotten to a place where it's like some kind of prize winning contest to be the first to exclaim how they are outraged at some kind of perceived social slight.

Golf clap for you, hon!

Some folks take themselves WAY too seriously!
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Old 02-23-2017, 11:22 PM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,469 posts, read 14,312,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMetal View Post
"that girl in accounting" you hear all the time
"that boy in accounting" you'll never hear in a million years.
Nope, and you will rarely hear "that man in accounting" either, at least not anywhere I've lived. Instead you'll hear "that guy in accounting" but never "that gal in accounting"
Maybe you should consider that they aren't trying to feel superior by using an 'intimate' term but are instead trying to make you feel like someone they care about in a friendly manner.

I find the infantilizing comment intriguing in light of the fact that these are also terms used by adults with their romantic partners, so indicative of a power struggle within the relationship do you think?
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Old 02-24-2017, 12:38 AM
 
Location: Colorado
1,022 posts, read 516,451 times
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Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Nope, and you will rarely hear "that man in accounting" either, at least not anywhere I've lived. Instead you'll hear "that guy in accounting" but never "that gal in accounting"
Maybe you should consider that they aren't trying to feel superior by using an 'intimate' term but are instead trying to make you feel like someone they care about in a friendly manner.

I find the infantilizing comment intriguing in light of the fact that these are also terms used by adults with their romantic partners, so indicative of a power struggle within the relationship do you think?

I have heard "that gal in accounting" & "that girl in accounting" many times. Obviously the sentence changes, but I have heard adult women, oftentimes in professional, even executive positions referred to as "girl" & "gal" more often than I can count. Mostly at Fortune 500 co's :-(.

I think you bring up 2 good points. Obviously context & place is important. I do think at times service may well be trying to indicate they care about you in a friendly manner, as you say. The problem with that is that they don't. They don't know me, they can't possibly care about me. They may respect me as a fellow human being or as a customer, but they do not have the the necessary familiarity to actually care about me. But I can & do certainly agree that there are times & people who use these terms without ill intent. Which is why I usually let it go :-) There is a subset who have just grown up calling people hon & sweetie of both genders & they truly have no ill intent.

In romantic relationships, partners often see & refer to each other in infantilizing ways. Look at the popularity of the term "babygirl", though you rarely hear its counterpart. It's not always gender biased, as often both partners call each other "baby" & you can't get more infantile than that. Sometimes there's an implied or explicit power imbalance (if she's a babygirl, then I can be the great he-man protector). I don't necessarily think it's indicative of a power struggle though. It may indicate an imbalance, it may simply be a pet name too. The difference for me is, that those are 2 adults in a close relationship who have defined their power dynamic & are both okay with the terminology they choose to use. I have no problem with power-imbalanced romantic relationships, as long as it's what both partners want & agree to. It can be freeing & relaxing to be the 'babygirl' & let 'daddy' take care of everything or vice versa 'you just relax & let 'mommy' do all the work. If that's what both partners want - have at it. That's completely different to me, than a total stranger or co-worker, trying to create a power imbalance, where there isn't one.
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Old 02-24-2017, 02:32 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
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I don't care for it either. If I am not dating the woman who says that I'll politely tell them my name and they can say that. I am not your hon or sweetheart so I'd appreciate it if it wasn't said to me.
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