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Old 03-01-2017, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,022 posts, read 508,028 times
Reputation: 2076

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Actually, M'Dear, I'm an elderly man who's been around long enough to have ascertained that all too many look for things to be offended by. To my mind that's no way to live but if for some strange, unbeknownst reason it makes them feel better they can certainly have at it. As for me, I much prefer to find things to smile about. It's ever so much more pleasant.

As always, just one man's opinion.
We can agree to disagree :-). For the record, I'm LMAO at answer you posted in another thread, I positively love it Just happen to disagree with you on this one. I'm okay with my DH getting long hugs, as long as there's no grinding LMAO. Actually, I'm ok even with grinding, as long as he consents LOL. I'm easy going that way, just don't call me hon

Oh & also, I knew you weren't a "boy", was just trying to make a point.
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Old 03-01-2017, 06:30 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,316 posts, read 14,179,441 times
Reputation: 22679
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMetal View Post
If I paid someone who called me honey or sweetie, I'd fire them, it's really that simple. If someone called me those names in a workplace, I'd file a complaint with HR. So I guess if those of us who care, fire enough people who use terms we find offensive, then maybe they'll get the message.
Ok, now you have me curious. What would you do if by chance you found yourself being the one paid by someone who called you hon? Maybe your company takes on an important new client with old school southern ideas, or you were promoted to an area in the deep south where this is relatively common. Just as an exercise in imagination.
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Old 03-01-2017, 09:12 PM
 
Location: some where in the old USA
160 posts, read 117,863 times
Reputation: 212
Same older people call me honey etc I don't care. Is better as same people calling me a b*** etc.
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Old 03-02-2017, 01:13 AM
 
Location: Colorado
1,022 posts, read 508,028 times
Reputation: 2076
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Ok, now you have me curious. What would you do if by chance you found yourself being the one paid by someone who called you hon? Maybe your company takes on an important new client with old school southern ideas, or you were promoted to an area in the deep south where this is relatively common. Just as an exercise in imagination.
Well, that's a good question. I'll have to give it some thought. IRL, I have always worked for Fortune 500 type corporations, so there would be policies in place to file a complaint. Tho' I never have, even the time I got my ass patted in the hallway

It would of course depend on what the job paid & how much I liked it too :-). But in all seriousness, I'm certain I would try to address it with them & explain why I found it offensive. If that didn't work, I would try to explain by using similar terms that that person might find offensive, like I did with Curmudgeon, so for example..."Mr X, you know I love working here & I respect you very much, but when you call me 'hon', it makes me feel like you think of me as a little girl, instead of a capable [atty/actuary/IT consultant/professor]. To me, that's a term that is used between sweethearts or to a child...it's the same as if I called you a boy, when you're an adult man & a professional. I feel like it means you see me as a child, rather than a professional". Would you please refer to me as Mary, in the future?

My first line of defense is usually to talk it out & I usually find it to be very successful. Especially if there is mutual respect in the relationship, as I would assume there would be here.

If I wasn't successful, I imagine I'd have to suck it up, assuming no HR dept to contact & that all else was good & that the boss really DID respect me, but it was simply a habit for him. I would hope out of respect for me, he would at least try to break the habit. If he tried & couldn't, I imagine eventually there would have to be humor involved. If we had a good relationship, I'd call him 'sweetie' or 'boy' each time he used a diminutive with me & we'd laugh about it. If it was too formal a relationship to do that, I'd probably have to put up & shut up. Everyone has to make compromises in life.

Thinking of my friend who moved to the deep south from a liberal city & some of her students call her Miss instead of Dr, what can she really do? She tried to educate them abt why it's inappropriate or offensive, but she's certainly not going to leave a tenured professor position at a top school, that she likes, b/c of the jerks, kwim?

IRL, I have someone I pay twice a week who calls me Ma'am. I don't find it offensive b/c it's not a diminutive & I know it's intended to convey respect (I live in a military town), but I hate it nonetheless. I have tried to get him to call me by my name & he DID try. It got to the point, where he would screw up so often, we'd just laugh every time. I finally had to give it up & decide if he was worth having in my life, despite that. He is, so I compromised & told him to forget about it. He is an asset to me & my life & he's a genuinely great person. I know he'd stop on a dime, if he could. He cared enough to try. I do still occasionally rib him from time to time b/c I know he has other female clients my age & they hate it too. I realized one day when he was talking abt his mom, that she is actually younger than me. Despite how painful that realization was (I'm old enough that I could have a kid in his 30's? ), I now understand where he's coming from & I am willing to be ok with the fact that he tried. Life is full of compromises.

ETA; in the boss scenario, I would also be sure to point out that he does not call the male workers hon or sweetie (assuming he doesn't ;-), so that he is treating male & female co-workers differently. Even in non-corporations, I would think that would make the average employer think twice about the legality of doing that.
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Old 03-02-2017, 09:52 AM
 
Location: PA
2,084 posts, read 1,830,661 times
Reputation: 5374
I don't really care. There are much worse things to be called than "hon". I don't like to waste my energy being offended ny something that insignificant.
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Old 03-02-2017, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,117 posts, read 44,644,028 times
Reputation: 12655
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
It doesn't bother me but what bothered me recently was a young male cashier calling me "momma." WTF?
That's different, he was trying to pick you up.
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Old 03-02-2017, 05:52 PM
 
519 posts, read 241,168 times
Reputation: 2080
Each of us has different things that set us off. I don't mind "hon" as I realize that it's a regional thing. What I do mind is being addressed as "young lady", said in such a way that I guess I'm supposed to be flattered since I'm obviously not young.

I was in line at the package store when the clerk said to the older woman ahead of me "Now, young lady, I'm going to have to check your ID", She tittered as though that was just the cutest thing.

I thought to myself, "he'd better not try that with me", and gave him a look when I stepped up to the counter that conveyed "Don't you dare".

We had a perfectly business-like transaction.
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Old 03-04-2017, 02:05 PM
 
49 posts, read 29,516 times
Reputation: 99
What about when it's women doing it to men? I have had many instances where I have ordered food at a diner or such and the waitress has said things like "Need anything else, hon?" "How you doing sweetie?" etc. and this coming from both younger and older women and I am 30 year old guy.
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Old 03-04-2017, 04:02 PM
Status: "Stranger than Fiction" (set 6 days ago)
 
8,482 posts, read 10,737,578 times
Reputation: 12462
I get called Hon, Babe, whatever. I roll my eyes internally and keep moving.
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Old 03-04-2017, 04:09 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,130 posts, read 39,678,894 times
Reputation: 41571
Quote:
Originally Posted by swgirl926 View Post
I don't really care. There are much worse things to be called than "hon". I don't like to waste my energy being offended ny something that insignificant.
Some people just love love going through life looking for ways to be offended. You're right, it takes too much energy and it should be directed to places where offense was truly intended. Hon or whatever in the right context is actually a term of endearment.
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