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Okay I'll use adams definition of a friend. I have 2 good friends that will help me move a body/bail me out of jail, etc - the kind of friends who I would trust with my life.
I have acquaintance friends who I see occasionally - maybe have a bbq once every 2-3 months.
So, maybe less than 5 total friends.
As an introvert, I'm not interested in surrounding myself with people. Some people like that sort of thing, I do not. Too many relationships sucks the energy right out of me. In fact, I go out of my way to NOT make anymore friends as the ones I have are enough. It's cliquish, I know. The friends I have (with 1 exception) are high maintenance and if I had 20 of these types of friends I'd probably lose 5 years off my life. Some of them have had major life issues - divorce, disgruntled ex's, serious health issues. I take the title of "friend" seriously, so I'm there for them but it can be really taxing. I can't imagine having 20 friends who - at any one time - may need my help. And as you get older, life issues begin to crop up. Friends die, they get debilitating illnesses, etc.
I had a good friend (who passed away) who had WAY more friends than I did. She knew a lot of people. But when it came down to it, after she got her diagnosis and her health started fading, those people who were supposed to be her "friends" were nowhere to be found. She told me, she felt abandoned by them. And all those "friends" who showed up and cried at her funeral, weren't there when she needed help. Her real friends were though and she knew that I would never abandon her under any circumstances.
So I guess, I think, that people can call themselves a friend. But you really don't know if they truly fit that title until something bad happens. A real friend will help you get through things, even when you're dying. They'll stand by you regardless of the obstacles. The rest will just fade for whatever reasons. To me, they're just fair weather friends... or friends for now. Not that they don't have value, it's just different than having a friend who will stand by you thru anything.
Life is so much more enriching when you have a really good, solid, loyal friendship... even if it's only one person. To me, that's enough. And I'm lucky to have two.
It has been my observations that people who ARE friends HAVE friends. Many do care to put themselves out there.
EXACTLY! I always said in order to have good friends, you have to know how to be a good friend.
I also have more than 20. And those are people who, if I called at 3am needing them, would be there for me.
Me too..
I have loads more not on that level.
Same here.
My oldest friend goes back 50+ years... my newest just a year.
My oldest friend goes back more than 20+ years, and my newest is just 3 months ago.
When I read posts here on CD where people complain about not having friends, or it's harder to make friends when you're older, I can't help but wonder what are they doing wrong?
Sometimes my "dance card" is so full, that I have to beg off just so I can get my chores and errands done.
OP here. I made this because I have 0 friends and I was curious about how many other people are like me, or like my brother and sister who would both answer 20+.
I'm shocked that at that this point 20% are like me. I figured us lone wolves would not even total 1%.
I see that some dont understand people like me, think we are broken or doing something wrong, cuz they have dozens of friends so why shouldnt everyone? Well If I count all the friends I have ever had it would not add up to 20. In the best of times I've had 3 friends. Other times 2 or 1. They never last, longest was about 12 years, most 3-6, but they all fade away. Guess this means I'm damaged - even tho I often made the effort and the friend kept their distance.
I am very much a loner and IRL, I have only 1 person who is a friend that I see occasionally. I have another person that online that I talk to everyday, and I counted them, but truth be told, I am sure my 2 friends would not count as real friends by most peoples' definition. I do have a roommate and we sometimes hang out, but I don't consider her a friend. Honestly, I am fine with my own company.
(I am also not counting estranged husbands, past and present, as friends, even though we interact).
OP here. I made this because I have 0 friends and I was curious about how many other people are like me, or like my brother and sister who would both answer 20+.
I'm shocked that at that this point 20% are like me. I figured us lone wolves would not even total 1%.
I see that some dont understand people like me, think we are broken or doing something wrong, cuz they have dozens of friends so why shouldnt everyone? Well If I count all the friends I have ever had it would not add up to 20. In the best of times I've had 3 friends. Other times 2 or 1. They never last, longest was about 12 years, most 3-6, but they all fade away. Guess this means I'm damaged - even tho I often made the effort and the friend kept their distance.
I noticed the zero friends is catching up to the 20+.
My 6 friends is better than average according to the poll. Neither is no surprise to me. I'm not the only one who finds this difficult. Excluding a temporary person who I thought could be a friend (didn't work out) I have not made a new friend in 23 years. Maybe that will change this Saturday night.
I do respect the fact that many are content with their low number. I am not and have tried to do something about it.
Real life people you can calll freinds, not facebook or other online only people.
This is kind of a loaded question. There are many factors that enter the answer. In my experience, as you go through life, you lose friends at a faster rate than you gain them so I think in many cases, age can be relative to the amount of friends you count. Factors also include, family, spouses, children, work, physical well being, not to mention mental well being. Then you have to consider how people define friends. Each person has a little different way of delineating friends from acquaintances. My ex wife for example is brash and boisterous and would count her friends in the dozens. I, on the other hand, given the same set of people would count less than 3 as friends. Obviously, the word has different meaning for each of us.
Work, whether you do or not, what your position is and how many people you work with will widely vary too. When you're in a supervisory position, it can be a slippery slope when you're friends with those who labor under you........those friendships can make you hesitant to address indiscretions at work and could possibly effect job performance. That being said, some of my best current friends were staff at the retirement complex I managed with my wife 5 years ago and those friendships were forged over a span of a couple of years......... conversely, I no longer have contact with any of the guys I spent nearly 20 years with while in the construction business.
It's also up to what kind of individual you are. I'm a more private person and would be perfectly content if the only person I ever interacted with was my wife. I'm betting that many of the older respondents that answered 1 were counting a spouse, partner or S.O. .........which leads to one more question. How many of those answering 0 count themselves as friends? After all, if you can't come to terms with and be comfortable with yourself, how available can you be with others? I feel that as you age and become more relaxed in your own skin, the need for friends begins to diminish...............but again, it's all very relative.
As a side note: I had a counselor years ago that posed the OP's question to me and when I answered at the time I had 5 close friends, he told me I was lucky. He said that based on his experience and teaching, once the average person gets into their late 20's they're lucky if they can count 2 close friends. That however was over 20 years ago and the world is a much smaller place now.
Interesting question - I'd love to see the demographics on the respondents.
I know several shy people (used to be one myself), and they have many friends.
Shyness CAN be overcome. I did not mention it, as it does not deserve mention.
Not everyone you meet will be your friend. It seems you think that, with your multiple rejection comment.
Friendship is not aggressive... it starts naturally and grows as it is nurtured..
True.
My brother was PAINFULLY shy.
I mean cowering painful.
He worked his ass off, took risks, and has a social life I couldn't keep up with.
We have to do things...despite our insecurities.
The rewards are too great not to risk.
I do have a small "social circle", but I wouldn't call any of them friends. Honestly, I think we are just friendless people who can go places that it's sometimes uncomfortable to be alone
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. I have 2 good friends that will help me move a body/bail me out of jail, etc - the kind of friends who I would trust with my life. 
So true....
