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Old 08-13-2014, 07:24 AM
 
246 posts, read 408,340 times
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Hi everyone. I'm a 27 year old married male. My parents were divorced when I was 1 year old. I've only seen photos of my father. Apparently it was a bad divorce that ended with my family hating him and him threatening to take me from public school in kindergarten.

I've never thought of him really, just alway left it alone. My wife has been curious since we got married and can't understand me not ever trying to find and talk to him. He's now a well known doctor I see.

I was wondering if I should contact him. My wife and I will soon be trying to have children and she wants to know his side medically. I am just worried about my family finding out and what they will think after me never knowing or asking about him. Thanks guys.
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:35 AM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
6,534 posts, read 7,798,922 times
Reputation: 15971
What do you want to do? Put aside what your family thinks or wants. Put aside what your wife wants or thinks. If it was just you alone, would you contact him? That is your answer. It may sound selfish, but it is YOU that will have to deal with any potentially negative reactions from him or others.

As far as the medical issues go, there are other ways of gaining that information.
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,653 posts, read 1,231,149 times
Reputation: 6066
Sure, why not? You're only getting one side of the story so why not let him explain his side. He may have been to blame, but people do change.
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Under the Milky Way
1,150 posts, read 804,231 times
Reputation: 4538
It is completely up to you. If you would like to know about any hereditary medical conditions, but don't want to necessarily initiate a relationship, a brief and businesslike email would probably suffice. I think that both your wife and your family members should respect whatever your decision is regarding this matter. If you would like to get to know your father, that is a choice you have every right to follow up on. If not, you also have every right to take no action beyond trying to learn about your father's medical history.
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,695 posts, read 4,415,996 times
Reputation: 11670
I had a close friend whose bio dad allowed her to be adopted at age 5 by her stepfather. But when she was an adult, she became curious. Her dad was a minister and she was conflicted about approaching him or just attending his church to see him. Finally she decided to drop him a note and let him decided if he wanted to meet. He responded and asked to meet her at Town East Mall in Mesquite. (She lived not too far from there, so I guess he thought that was the best public place). So he took her to lunch there at the mall and gave her a bracelet as a gift. They had a nice visit and hugged goodbye. She decided he could contact her again if he wanted to stay in touch; he must have decided the same. They never reconnected again but she was glad she did get to see him.
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Old 08-13-2014, 08:04 AM
 
2,563 posts, read 2,925,354 times
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I like the replies here already: and I am echoing what a few said: that decision is yours OP. I would be curious to meet my Dad if I had not and I have been estranged my father and barely know him. There really is no right or wrong answer, but were I in your situation, I would be interested in making contact.
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Old 08-13-2014, 12:38 PM
 
Location: North America
19,634 posts, read 12,438,698 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aparker2005 View Post
Hi everyone. I'm a 27 year old married male. My parents were divorced when I was 1 year old. I've only seen photos of my father. Apparently it was a bad divorce that ended with my family hating him and him threatening to take me from public school in kindergarten.

I've never thought of him really, just alway left it alone. My wife has been curious since we got married and can't understand me not ever trying to find and talk to him. He's now a well known doctor I see.

I was wondering if I should contact him. My wife and I will soon be trying to have children and she wants to know his side medically. I am just worried about my family finding out and what they will think after me never knowing or asking about him. Thanks guys.

If you know his address, write him a letter. See how that goes.
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Old 08-13-2014, 11:34 PM
 
9,778 posts, read 16,975,296 times
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You've only got one side of the story. Divorce filings are public record, so you can always look it up.
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Old 08-15-2014, 02:44 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,136,312 times
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My Dad was killed when I was two. Yes if I could I would contact him. This in spite of rumors that he was not a perfect man.
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Old 08-15-2014, 02:55 PM
 
13,677 posts, read 13,587,189 times
Reputation: 39892
OMG, OP, please please please do not worry what your family will think. Unless there was extreme physical abuse involved, there is no reason not to look this man up. You do not owe your mother's side of the family ANY explanation.

I am the biological daughter of a sperm donor. While my situation is different, I can say that just finding out that there was another genetic contributor in my background beyond the parents who raised me was extremely helpful. I'd always felt a little out of place in my family, and learning about my bio dad in my 20s totally explained everything.

One truly minor issue of confusion for many was that I have a pretty buoyant badonkadonk, lol. On both sides of my family, I come from a long line of what I have jokingly referred to as "butt-less wonders." When I found out about donor dad, a lot became clear.

I think your wife is right that having that medical history knowledge could be very comforting or useful as you are starting a family. There's a ton of stuff I wish I knew about the man I call "the Dixie-cup Dad." You've got a chance to figure that out, and I would encourage you to do so if you are even a little bit curious.
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