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Old 08-16-2014, 06:28 PM
 
37,633 posts, read 14,614,309 times
Reputation: 23877

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
I'm from an Italian family & although "Sunday family day" is very common in no way would anyone expect you to stay the entire day! That's ridiculous. People come & go all day here, no problem & if they have something else to do also not a big deal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC View Post
Trust me, if the MIL is anything like the Italians moms/nonnas I know...they LOVE it & someone may be harmed cooking the meal without her.

To make everyone happy:

1. Try to guesstimate what time dinner will be (perfectly ok to arrive then even if your husband has been there all day lol)...

2. Show up little before with some Italian cookies/pastries (get them at a bakery)

3. Eat, offer to help with dishes (VERY IMPORTANT here ha) & leave. Problem solved.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Tell them you want to start a family and then both leave earlier. After all, Italians love family!

^^^This^^^
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Old 08-16-2014, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,468,376 times
Reputation: 29030
Quote:
Originally Posted by LemonZinger321 View Post
... An update: My husband and I got into a fight over this. We have not spoken in 3 days. He is giving me the silent treatment, and this morning took his wedding ring off. I haven't been able to sleep in days, and he has been sleeping downstairs for the past 3 nights.

Also, he does not listen when I try to bring this up. If I mention ANY kind of criticism...not sure if that is the right word in this situation...but if I say anything 'against' his family or their 'ways' he immediately shuts down and says I do not like them. But that is just it, I DO like them...I just want some space. I am feeling smothered by them. He doesn't listen to anything I say, he just says over and over again that I have a problem with his family...when in reality I don't! I just want them to respect that the family dynamic where he is concerned has changed...it is him and I as a family unit now and they are not getting that. I am not saying to NEVER see them, I just want some space! ...
You are desperately in need of couples counseling. You have serious communication issues that are not going to get any better. It's imperative you get this cleared up before you have children.
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Old 08-16-2014, 07:10 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,878,716 times
Reputation: 62014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
OP, I hope you and your husband will go to therapy together to discuss this before you split up. I guarantee you the therapist will suggest some kind of compromise. If that isn't good enough for you both, then maybe splitting is for the best. Please try first, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I agree that going to therapy before jumping right into divorce is a good plan.

One word of caution, please select a neutral marriage counselor (not someone that his family recommends or his family priest or his cousin) so that you are reasonably sure of unbiased opinions and suggestions.

It is almost certain that the counselor will suggest some type of compromise. If your husband will not consider changing anything at all to help keep you together then staying married might not be best in the long run. Or if he completely refuses to see a marriage counselor with you, that tells you something as well.

Good luck.


I think the moment he took off his wedding rings is the moment that Marriage Counseling is too late.
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Old 08-16-2014, 07:15 PM
 
1,728 posts, read 1,321,340 times
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I have a friend in a similar situation. She married a guy who is very close to his family, which she thought was great because she is close to hers. Well his family is always coming over to her (and her husband's house), and her husband expects her to spend time with his family every weekend. She loves his family and she was so happy in the beginning that they were so nice and welcoming to her, but she tells me she can't take it anymore and I can see how she has changed (she does not seem as happy anymore). She has kids with this guy so I am not sure what she is going to do, but I feel bad for her. I don't see her husband ever changing.

You really need to decide if you can live like this because I doubt your husband will change, and really, you knew he was like this before you married him, so you shouldn't expect him to change.

I should also add that even though I personally would not want to be with a man who wanted me to be with his family all the time, I don't think it is a horrible thing. I think it is great if that is what both people want. So many women complain about their husbands not being family men and going out drinking with the buddies, so I think there are worse things a guy can do then spend time with family.
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Old 08-16-2014, 09:38 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,919,895 times
Reputation: 32382
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I think the moment he took off his wedding rings is the moment that Marriage Counseling is too late.
I think they need to try. I take my wedding ring off every night when I get home.
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Old 08-16-2014, 09:43 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,878,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I think they need to try. I take my wedding ring off every night when I get home.
Very different than taking it off in the midst of 3 days of not speaking to her as the result of an argument about his family as well as him sleeping on the couch.

Quote from an earlier post from the original poster:
"An update: My husband and I got into a fight over this. We have not spoken in 3 days. He is giving me the silent treatment, and this morning took his wedding ring off. I haven't been able to sleep in days, and he has been sleeping downstairs for the past 3 nights. "


My Husband is not wearing his at all right now and has not had it on since May 21, 2014, he broke his arm and we almost had to have his ring cut off he was swelled so much.
I always took my good rings off before cleaning the house or doing any chores.
All very different intentions when removing those rings.
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Old 08-16-2014, 10:01 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,919,895 times
Reputation: 32382
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Very different than taking it off in the midst of 3 days of not speaking to her as the result of an argument about his family as well as him sleeping on the couch.

Quote from an earlier post from the original poster:
"An update: My husband and I got into a fight over this. We have not spoken in 3 days. He is giving me the silent treatment, and this morning took his wedding ring off. I haven't been able to sleep in days, and he has been sleeping downstairs for the past 3 nights. "


My Husband is not wearing his at all right now and has not had it on since May 21, 2014, he broke his arm and we almost had to have his ring cut off he was swelled so much.
I always took my good rings off before cleaning the house or doing any chores.
All very different intentions when removing those rings.
you're right. it is different, but i still think they should try counseling before giving up.
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Old 08-16-2014, 10:08 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,830 posts, read 17,126,345 times
Reputation: 40522
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I think the moment he took off his wedding rings is the moment that Marriage Counseling is too late.
That is not necessary true. I've heard of couples doing that every time that they have a fight, but they stay married. Just like some couples throw things at each or yell at each other during a fight. It can be a "big dramatic" thing to do but not necessarily a permanent thing to remove your wedding ring.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Very different than taking it off in the midst of 3 days of not speaking to her as the result of an argument about his family as well as him sleeping on the couch.

Quote from an earlier post from the original poster:
"An update: My husband and I got into a fight over this. We have not spoken in 3 days. He is giving me the silent treatment, and this morning took his wedding ring off. I haven't been able to sleep in days, and he has been sleeping downstairs for the past 3 nights. "
If the husband was really, really serious about it being the end of his marriage, I suspect that he would have gone home to Mama & Daddy or moved in with one of the many relatives that he spends so much time with.

IMHO, if he is still in the apartment, there is still hope and the OP should suggest marriage counseling.
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Old 08-16-2014, 10:11 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,878,716 times
Reputation: 62014
Obviously it is their choice in regards to their lives and their marriage.
Personally I would not tolerate such childish behavior but I would not have been going to the in laws every weekend all weekend long throughout the entire marriage either.
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Old 08-16-2014, 11:06 PM
 
Location: Oceania
8,623 posts, read 6,205,924 times
Reputation: 8318
Time to sit down with Marie and Ray to set things straight.
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