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Old 08-16-2014, 11:53 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,601,942 times
Reputation: 33956

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Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45 View Post
Have not read all the postings; so this may have already been brought up. When the OP was dating her now husband, was there any indication that weekends would be 'family' weekends? I realize the bell has rung, but being forewarned is being forearmed.

Anyhoo, if the OP refuses to attend the ongoing weekend get togethers, either she will be viewed as not liking one of the outlaws, or tying to break up the family. I've even heard MILs claim that the DIL is trying to keep 'her precious son' all to herself.

Sounds like one of those loser-loser situations unless hubby is willing to respect the fact that his wife may prefer to spend the time with other people (i.e., her relatives/friends), or have free time to do something with him or ??

Yes, the OP knew exactly what she was getting into. She sounds like a nice person, but come on dear.

You're in NY and you're dealing with a close knit Italian American family, I'm just going to say it since I grew up around them in NY, they're very easily "put out" if you don't go with the flow.

Don't get me wrong, they can be very loving people. But as a group you can offend them easily if you say or do the wrong thing. The TV show "The Sopranos" hit the nail on the head in regards to the pettiness and grudges held over minor issues. I'm not referring to the mob violence on the show, but the daily interactions. It was often amusing because it was so spot on.

But the time to discuss "are we going over to your parents every weekend" should have occurred a long time ago.

I guess the only way out of it do as you have been, drive yourself over later and start dropping more hints about having to get up early for work on Monday, and be honest with your husband about cutting back.
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Old 08-17-2014, 12:58 AM
 
Location: Ohio
5,626 posts, read 5,033,330 times
Reputation: 6765
Id get in counseling.
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Old 08-17-2014, 07:04 AM
 
3,492 posts, read 4,935,380 times
Reputation: 5377
Move. Neither of you wanted to be there. Look for good jobs in a different state. When you happen to find them, something that will happen if you select 3 or 4 major metro markets and apply to every job that fits your qualifications there, you'll have a very valid reason to move and a source of income in the new city. Problem solved. It isn't an easy solution, but it is one that LASTS.
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Old 08-17-2014, 07:41 AM
 
37,898 posts, read 14,764,101 times
Reputation: 24224
Quote from an earlier post from the original poster:
"An update: My husband and I got into a fight over this. We have not spoken in 3 days. He is giving me the silent treatment, and this morning took his wedding ring off. I haven't been able to sleep in days, and he has been sleeping downstairs for the past 3 nights. "


Oh, good grief. Call a good divorce attorney. The first appt. is often free. See where you stand.

Who wants to spend a lifetime with a man who pouts, refuses to talk about things, and takes his wedding band off every time you have a disagreement? What a bunch of nonsense.

Get out while the gettings good. Definitely before there are any children involved.

This fellow does not sound like a keeper. Throw him back him in the pond. Let his Mama take of him if that's what he wants. You need to find an adult to share your life with.

Good luck.
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Old 08-17-2014, 07:42 AM
 
37,898 posts, read 14,764,101 times
Reputation: 24224
Quote:
Originally Posted by lurtsman View Post
Move. Neither of you wanted to be there. Look for good jobs in a different state. When you happen to find them, something that will happen if you select 3 or 4 major metro markets and apply to every job that fits your qualifications there, you'll have a very valid reason to move and a source of income in the new city. Problem solved. It isn't an easy solution, but it is one that LASTS.
Good idea, but donuts to dollars this Mama's boy isn't going for that one.
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Old 08-17-2014, 10:26 AM
 
4,728 posts, read 4,457,726 times
Reputation: 9038
I agree with the poster that stated you will probably have to get used to having family dinner with his family. However, I do not think it should be all day, and there should be SOME Sundays when it okay to miss dinner. I would show up just for dinner, eat, visit, and leave after a decent amount of time. If that is not good enough, too bad. Your mother-in-law obviously has things she has to get done on Sunday, so why can't you? Even if it is just chilling out, you should have the right to do that on weekends. Good luck.
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Old 08-17-2014, 11:25 AM
 
5,839 posts, read 5,676,432 times
Reputation: 5171
Thats terrible. the husband chooses the mother over the wife.

There is a word for that which i cannot say on City Data Forum.
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Old 08-17-2014, 12:53 PM
 
4,644 posts, read 6,455,118 times
Reputation: 5388
Have him speak with his Priest. Even though you both married you are seperate people and that's something that has to be worked out. How would he explain a divorce to his family?

Because you didn't want to spend all day at his parents house? Why not get with your family and give him the same treatment. When I worked third shift people used to call me and for by during my sleep time no matter what I said. Well I gave it back to them knocking on their door after work and calling in the early am.

They got it real quick. Your hubby just needs to see your side. There's no need to break up just adjust to each other.
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Old 08-17-2014, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,899 posts, read 17,209,728 times
Reputation: 40830
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
Have him speak with his Priest. Even though you both married you are seperate people and that's something that has to be worked out. How would he explain a divorce to his family?

Because you didn't want to spend all day at his parents house? Why not get with your family and give him the same treatment. When I worked third shift people used to call me and for by during my sleep time no matter what I said. Well I gave it back to them knocking on their door after work and calling in the early am.

They got it real quick. Your hubby just needs to see your side. There's no need to break up just adjust to each other.
Frankly, I suspect that the Priest in the parish where the husband grew up, possibly where his parents and aunts and uncles grew up, possibly in a very ethnic neighborhood where every Sunday, all day Sunday with your family is expected, may very well tell the husband that not only is he right, but that his wife should be spending even more time with his family.

I suggest that marriage counseling with an objective person would be better than his Priest, who may not be objective about a wife needing to spend every weekend with her husband's family.
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Old 08-17-2014, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Chicago
3,275 posts, read 4,748,029 times
Reputation: 4036
Wow, OP, I am really sorry you are having to deal with this. I think what GotHereQuickAsICould said summarize how I would probably react in this situation, but it is very easy to say that when I don't know or love your husband.

I think you should try and talk to your husband one more time and see if he will agree to counseling with a neutral third party as suggested by another poster. If he won't agree with that then I would meet with an attorney. Refusing to communicate you isn't going to magically change unless he puts in some effort and so far it doesn't sound like he is willing to change anything. That really stinks. I guess, ultimately, he'd rather be with his mother than his wife. That seems extremely immature to me, but I know people like that. I could never put up with it myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
Quote from an earlier post from the original poster:
"An update: My husband and I got into a fight over this. We have not spoken in 3 days. He is giving me the silent treatment, and this morning took his wedding ring off. I haven't been able to sleep in days, and he has been sleeping downstairs for the past 3 nights. "


Oh, good grief. Call a good divorce attorney. The first appt. is often free. See where you stand.

Who wants to spend a lifetime with a man who pouts, refuses to talk about things, and takes his wedding band off every time you have a disagreement? What a bunch of nonsense.

Get out while the gettings good. Definitely before there are any children involved.

This fellow does not sound like a keeper. Throw him back him in the pond. Let his Mama take of him if that's what he wants. You need to find an adult to share your life with.

Good luck.
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