relationship with my father (wife, children, issues, money)
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fyi, he had 2 stents put in. So medical could be a big one, but he is going to doctors. However he is changing so fast I don't even know the guy anymore.
Well he was a huge caregiver to my mother forever. Maybe he feels like he never lived life?? I don't know. I think he thinks he has done his parenting duties, that I am fine and don't need him anymore? You see he took care of my mother and sister who were both sick. Once they died, he had lost his caregiving role and now want all this fun and games. But cant he balance it a bit???
My question is: Why do you need him to "balance it a bit"? What are you seeking from him? What's stopping you from stepping back and letting him engage with you when and as he wants to?
nothing is wrong with it. Its just he has totally dumped me. I was there for 47 years and now Im the devil! I did not do anything wrong. Its a total change of personality.
You can't force someone to have a relationship with you if they don't want one. I know it hurts, but that's the reality.
For now, give him the space he appears to want. Cut personal visits to a minimum and see if he is more receptive to a telephone relationship.
This is just a guess but, assuming no medical issue, I suspect that he has resented you for some reason for a very long time. Perhaps he felt that you and the rest of the family could have been more helpful when he was caregiver to your mother and sister? It's a mentally and physically exhausting task.
Stevemorse! Hug! I saw the title of this thread and immediately thought of you.
So he spent years caring for your mother, and he met the new neighbors & likes them, and he had stents put in recently...
These all sound like (unfair to you) possible triggers for his personality to change. Sounds like he's escaping from everything that's been familiar to him his whole life, and going after new people, new things. 83 years old my goodness he still has quite a bit of spark in him. Maybe some early indications of dementia, judging by the way he gets angry and resistant over your suggestion to see a doctor, etc.
I really really don't know what to say or what to suggest, and it frustrates me because I know this is a huge heartache for you. Not that it helps anything, but I do completely sympathize because I went through this exact same thing with BOTH of my parents emotionally abandoning me as a child/teen. It hurts like hell then there's just numbness left forevermore and we have to soothe the numbness with other things...HEALTHY things
HUG, HUG, HUG!!
Last edited by Zelpha; 08-13-2014 at 04:49 PM..
Reason: Took out a redundant line
And keep showering him with love. Love always wins. It will make you feel better. And he'll like it too even if he doesn't admit it.
Bet his Dad knows and understands. Probably why he called back and acted like there wasn't an issue. I agree and would be less critical and more loving. Great post, Zelpha!
Wow, this is sad. How well do you know these neighbors, stevemorse? If this were my father, I would have asked the neighbors a long time ago, "Is he bothering you?" assuming a young couple wouldn't want to adopt this old guy who just happens to live near them. Does he have money they think they could get? IS he paying for stuff for them?
That story about him not telling you your aunt died and them taking him to the funeral is just plain weird. Do you you suppose THEY think you've dumped Dad and they are being nice to him thinking he doesn't have anybody else? Have you communicated with them privately at all?
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