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One of my best friends is about 23 years older than me. He is just a terrific guy and I think the world of him.
But any number of my friends are more than half my age and are female. I really enjoy the young perspective they offer to my life and I suppose my advice might be something they value. Showing them new places in the city is great fun and I really enjoy my time with them. I do not in any way imagine anything more than friendship with these people.
If one of them decided they no longer wanted to hang out because I was so much older I'd be pretty hurt. Its hard enough finding people who are worth the effort of friendship.
One of my best friends is about 23 years older than me. He is just a terrific guy and I think the world of him.
But any number of my friends are more than half my age and are female. I really enjoy the young perspective they offer to my life and I suppose my advice might be something they value. Showing them new places in the city is great fun and I really enjoy my time with them. I do not in any way imagine anything more than friendship with these people.
If one of them decided they no longer wanted to hang out because I was so much older I'd be pretty hurt. Its hard enough finding people who are worth the effort of friendship.
Outstanding post. The last line is especially right on the mark. But in our throwaway society many do not feel that way. Age does matter.
Bolded: Sadly I have experienced this, but maybe in a slightly different way...
Nothing wrong with it. I have friends of all ages. I consider many of my older male coworkers like mentors to me, and many of them are.
I belonged to a book club with elderly women (I was 22!) and it was some of the best times of my life. Those women looked out for me and told some of the best stories.
There is nothing wrong with friendships with large age differences, but for reasons completely unrelated to the age difference, I don't think that your relationship is a healthy one.
I don't think it's odd at all. In fact I used to work with a guy when I was about 23-24 years old that became a friendship, and he was in his 50's. I ended up moving to another state, but we still keep in touch.
There is nothing wrong with friendships with large age differences, but for reasons completely unrelated to the age difference, I don't think that your relationship is a healthy one.
There's nothing wrong with seeking comfort from someone who fulfills a need that only that person can fill. I have friends in all age groups and consider myself a surrogate mother to a couple of them. I love them as if they were my own as well. If you're looking for something romantic from this person I would say go into it with your eyes wide open and with your future in mind. I've known some happy unions with a vast age difference but quite a few as well that didn't go well. I agree with the other posters that are telling you to slow down, but I see nothing wrong with being friends with someone older and wiser.
Honestly, I can't really describe what type of love I feel for him. Sometimes it feels like fatherly, mentor love. Other times it's kind of a puppy love. Other times it's obsessive and an infatuation. I certainly don't wish to enter into a romantic relationship with him, but other times that type of love feeling pops up too. Maybe it's more strange to have such strong emotions toward a friend (especially one who's older)? And, I don't have this strong of a feeling of love for any of my other friends. I just liken it to love is a very powerful and complicated emotion and maybe I just love all aspects of him. I don't think he's just trying to be "nice and offer support." He certainly does that, but after 4 years of constantly talking and supporting each other in our hobbies and jobs; going out of each other's way to make the other happy? That doesn't really sound like just being nice. Besides, I'm also very stubborn and get very emotional and we've had our share of fights, but we've always made up and remained friends. He also speaks very highly of me when I'm not around (another friend of mine told me how he was going on and on beaming about me accomplishing something recently). So, it's weird that I can't really pin down what type of love I feel for him. All of them at once I suppose.
You make no mention of a father, just your mom and your sister. He sounds like a friend/father figure for you, nothing wrong with that.
I would tell your sister when she makes comments about having friends your own age, that it was your older friend who gave you the support you needed dealing with your mother's health issues, not your twenty something friends. That should shut her up.
There is nothing wrong with having older friends, one of the benefits is they have more life experience and can offer some really good advice on various situations.
I went back and read all posts including all of the OP's, and my feelings have changed. It is not the age that gives me a bad feeling, but the way you seem to be obsessing about this friend. That is not healthy or normal no matter the age.
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