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What I want to understand is how do adults who were very abused as children by their parent(s) reconcile things with them. Do you ever forgive? Do you rebuild a relationship? I can't imagine that with my mother right now but I'm just starting therapy and realizing how not nicely I was treated.
What I want to understand is how do adults who were very abused as children by their parent(s) reconcile things with them. Do you ever forgive? Do you rebuild a relationship? I can't imagine that with my mother right now but I'm just starting therapy and realizing how not nicely I was treated.
Thanks for posting Pear Martini! I have to forgive my parents, not for them but for me to have peace. My father is dead and mother is still alive and still as abusive as when I was a little boy. She is very old and probably near death. Breaks my heart that I can't be near her at the end of her life. But I am responsible and I will take care of this little boy inside the man.
Well, my mother was, we're sure, severely bipolar but there were other mental problems that we've never been able to pin-point. And of us children I was the most challenging for her because I just didn't put up with it, and I knew very early on that she was not "normal." I was in my late-30's when I made her angry enough to cut ties with me, and I accepted it.
It was a very traumatic childhood, and to this day I battle mixed emotions. She's gone now but I grieve for the 'normal upbringing' that I never had. And when I think of the good times I grieve for the loss of those, too, because they were so infrequent. Several years after she passed I enrolled in an anger management class and it helped me come to terms with a lot of things. Mom's estrangement, and the class, did many wonders for me, although I'll never be able to erase all of the resentment.
Those of us in these situations had no choice then, but how we live now is all up to us. And those who hurt us when we had no choice, shouldn't have that opportunity anymore.
This thread is refreshing. Often times you will see people say things like, "get over it, time to move on, you're an adult now" because those types of people do not understand just how much damage can be done to a person in these situations.
OP, first of all, I commend your courage for coming on here to talk about it. That takes guts. It really does.
Second, I want to commend you for being strong enough to get some help. That also takes guts. It would be much, much easier to play the pretend game, which only makes things worse.
Third, I want to commend the responders. You didn't act like ignorant arses...you understood, you validated, and you offered acceptance and guidance. Your posts alone could do wonders for the OP.
This thread is refreshing. Often times you will see people say things like, "get over it, time to move on, you're an adult now" because those types of people do not understand just how much damage can be done to a person in these situations.
OP, first of all, I commend your courage for coming on here to talk about it. That takes guts. It really does.
Second, I want to commend you for being strong enough to get some help. That also takes guts. It would be much, much easier to play the pretend game, which only makes things worse.
Third, I want to commend the responders. You didn't act like ignorant arses...you understood, you validated, and you offered acceptance and guidance. Your posts alone could do wonders for the OP.
Best thread I've read on CD in awhile.
Yes, this post has done wonders for me! Thank you all so much!
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