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Old 08-17-2014, 10:51 PM
 
421 posts, read 655,587 times
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I am an unmarried single man. I work in an office with a lot of young 20ish year old office assistants, all females. Most know I'm single. (I wouldn't ever date anyone from work; and I wouldn't date a lady still in her 20s.)

Therefore I don't initiate a conversation with them for fear they will think I am trying to hit on them. No "How was your weekend?" or social chit chat because I don't want them getting creeped out that I may hit on them.

When you're a guy a serious relationship (especially married), is it easier to interact with other ladies without them thinking there's hidden intentions? Does a guy in a relationship become less threatening to ladies?
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Old 08-18-2014, 05:30 AM
 
20,296 posts, read 16,464,754 times
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I don't think women feel as "threatened" by men talking to us as you appear to be afraid of. No one is going to think you're hitting on them just by normal social interaction.
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Old 08-18-2014, 05:35 AM
 
1,638 posts, read 2,591,559 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MerriMAC View Post
I am an unmarried single man. I work in an office with a lot of young 20ish year old office assistants, all females. Most know I'm single. (I wouldn't ever date anyone from work; and I wouldn't date a lady still in her 20s.)

Therefore I don't initiate a conversation with them for fear they will think I am trying to hit on them. No "How was your weekend?" or social chit chat because I don't want them getting creeped out that I may hit on them.

When you're a guy a serious relationship (especially married), is it easier to interact with other ladies without them thinking there's hidden intentions? Does a guy in a relationship become less threatening to ladies?
Unless a woman has SERIOUS social issues, I don't think you have anything to worry about, and this thought process is a bit over the top. I work in a primarily male industry, and as a younger female, I DO get "hit on" a lot. However, it's much more pressing than "how was your day/weekend?"

FWIW, relationship status (married/unmarried, coupled up any way or not) has never stopped a man from hitting on me in or out of the office, so I don't think that matters too much either.

Just be polite, keep your hands to yourself, and nothing to worry about. We aren't all male fearing.
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Old 08-18-2014, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,039 posts, read 8,283,809 times
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You should be able to have regular conversations with your coworkers regardless of gender, age or relationship status. Surely you know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate conversations?
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Old 08-18-2014, 09:31 AM
 
421 posts, read 655,587 times
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When I'm in a relationship I don't talk about it at work. Relationships have come and gone without them knowing. OTOH, I observe other male co-workers brag + show off their dating/relationship partners (pics on desk, calls, gifts, in-office visits, openly talking about their weekend together). I do think this makes these men less threatening to single females at work. I notice that I have had a stronger professional & personal rapport with married women vs. single women at work throughout the last decade.
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Old 08-18-2014, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,930 posts, read 6,463,695 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MerriMAC View Post
I am an unmarried single man. I work in an office with a lot of young 20ish year old office assistants, all females. Most know I'm single. (I wouldn't ever date anyone from work; and I wouldn't date a lady still in her 20s.)

Therefore I don't initiate a conversation with them for fear they will think I am trying to hit on them. No "How was your weekend?" or social chit chat because I don't want them getting creeped out that I may hit on them.

When you're a guy a serious relationship (especially married), is it easier to interact with other ladies without them thinking there's hidden intentions? Does a guy in a relationship become less threatening to ladies?
It doesn't appear you are cut out for an office job.

I have been in office cube world the last 23 years and this is no to act toward your co-workers. From what you wrote you come off to me as standoffish.

In that time span I have been both married and single (current).
Can't say I ever had a problem with this type of scenario. It would be much worse to me acting like you are. Turning the tables if a young woman did to me what you are doing to them her lack of social skills would not speak well of them.

My suggestion is be yourself, if you are putting up a front to be a snob. You are worrying way too much about nothing.
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Old 08-18-2014, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,930 posts, read 6,463,695 times
Reputation: 44187
Quote:
Originally Posted by MerriMAC View Post
When I'm in a relationship I don't talk about it at work. Relationships have come and gone without them knowing. OTOH, I observe other male co-workers brag + show off their dating/relationship partners (pics on desk, calls, gifts, in-office visits, openly talking about their weekend together). I do think this makes these men less threatening to single females at work. I notice that I have had a stronger professional & personal rapport with married women vs. single women at work throughout the last decade.
It's amazing to me you have been at this for 10 years and can't figure out how to treat single women as a co-worker. As I said I do not think you are cut out for this type of work. Not everyone can do it but in order to have a career in this type of environment one must try to make the effort to work together with everyone.

This is on you due to your mindset, not the single women that you can't seem to get along with.
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Old 08-18-2014, 07:02 PM
 
6,758 posts, read 8,268,623 times
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Are you on the autism spectrum?

You referred to the young women's perspective as 'threatened', even after two people here told you that was a misintepretation. You referred to your male colleagues as bragging and showing off when they are doing things that, as you describe them, are just ordinary, non-secretive behaviour.

In just two posts, you have multiple examples of misinterpreting people's behaviour, and both in a negative way.

I wonder if this pattern, rather than your single-ness, is why the young women in the office don't talk to you.
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Old 08-18-2014, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Lebanon, OH
5,859 posts, read 6,281,878 times
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It should not make a bit of difference whether you are single or married as long as you keep appropriate in your conversations, there are a lot of guys in your situation that get by just fine and a lot of married guys that are creepy toward female co workers.
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Old 08-18-2014, 09:56 PM
 
421 posts, read 655,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by woxyroxme View Post
It should not make a bit of difference whether you are single or married as long as you keep appropriate in your conversations, there are a lot of guys in your situation that get by just fine and a lot of married guys that are creepy toward female co workers.
That sounds about right. Thank you for your reply.
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