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Old 08-19-2014, 12:53 PM
 
325 posts, read 237,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
It's just "grown pains" and every family, every relationship, goes through them. Different issues maybe, but stuff still comes up because nobody is perfect. Give it a little time and things will smooth out or at least you will be accustomed to it and learn to not let it bother you. Then something will happen, probably you guys getting married and having kids, that will change the dynamic again. You'll be amazed at how your thoughts about this stuff go in circles over the years.

I was a little like your mom when my kids were becoming adults because I'd been a SAHM and the empty nest thing is very real. Over time things changed but I remember a funny thing with my eldest, she'd been trying to reach me and wanted to talk but I wasn't home when she called. I still hear her saying "where were you? you're supposed to be home!"...hahaha.
Thanks. My mother gets very, very worried if she can't contact me after two calls. I think that may have something to do with the fact that she raised us both on her own.
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Old 08-19-2014, 12:54 PM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,710,842 times
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That's tough. My mother's the same way. I still can't seem to remind her that I'm an adult with my own life, job and interests. It's not fair the way I keep remembering how much she sacrificed to raise me and my brother alone. I feel like I owe her endlessly for that even though I know that's not rational thinking.

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Originally Posted by TitanWarrior View Post
I said many women, not most or all women.
We'll see more of that with dads as dads become more involved with their kids and/or raising them alone.
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Old 08-19-2014, 02:22 PM
 
13,675 posts, read 13,477,979 times
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It was a common attitude for women who were unhappy in their marriages, not for women of her generation. Now that she's divorced, she may branch out and develop a richer life. Plan to move out (because you're, you know, 23) and in the meantime encourage her to go to mixers for people her age and join meetup groups and get active outside the house. If she's a teacher (as my mother was) she should have a ton of divorced female friends that like going out.

My mother was out with a lot of her coworkers and even the mothers of some of her former students. She began to go to festivals and street fairs and art shows and free concerts and whatnot.
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Old 08-19-2014, 02:47 PM
 
325 posts, read 237,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
That's tough. My mother's the same way. I still can't seem to remind her that I'm an adult with my own life, job and interests. It's not fair the way I keep remembering how much she sacrificed to raise me and my brother alone. I feel like I owe her endlessly for that even though I know that's not rational thinking.
I know I owe her and I always will. I'm grateful for what she did for us but eventually she has to step back a little bit. But I think in her head she feels like we're cutting her off our lives, which is nonsense.
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Old 08-19-2014, 02:53 PM
 
325 posts, read 237,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
It was a common attitude for women who were unhappy in their marriages, not for women of her generation. Now that she's divorced, she may branch out and develop a richer life. Plan to move out (because you're, you know, 23) and in the meantime encourage her to go to mixers for people her age and join meetup groups and get active outside the house. If she's a teacher (as my mother was) she should have a ton of divorced female friends that like going out.

My mother was out with a lot of her coworkers and even the mothers of some of her former students. She began to go to festivals and street fairs and art shows and free concerts and whatnot.
Hard to at the moment. Live in a major city where rents are very high and I'm only moving out to live on my own, I can't stand housemates. Besides, uni is reached by a 15 minute metro ride.

Yes, she has many divorced colleagues but she doesn't socialise outside of school.
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Old 08-19-2014, 02:54 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,464,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TitanWarrior View Post
She's not intrusive to the point of interfering or wanting to know eveything. If she starts asking too many questions about where I'm going or who I'm going with, I tell her to stop and she will.
So... not intrusive, not interfering, not wanting to know everything.
And when asked to pull back, she does.
I fail to see a problem!


Quote:
Originally Posted by TitanWarrior View Post
However, I know she gets all offended on the inside over that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TitanWarrior View Post
But I think in her head she feels like we're cutting her off our lives, which is nonsense.
That is YOUR spin on things. She may not feel that way at all.
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Old 08-19-2014, 02:57 PM
 
325 posts, read 237,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
So... not intrusive, not interfering, not wanting to know everything.
She doesn't get to that point because none of us would allow it. But she'll sometimes come across as the most badly treated mother in the world just because we don't tell her everything. Even if she doesn't interfere, her personal life is our personal life at least as a spectator.
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Old 08-19-2014, 03:39 PM
 
1,640 posts, read 3,283,451 times
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Aw.....someday when you have kids, you'll understand! My children are my whole world, and I love them to pieces. I would do anything for them, take a bullet for them, anything. There is no one in the world mothers love more than their children. To experience pregnancy, breastfeeding, watching your first steps, watching you grow, etc. It is a 24-7, 365 day a year job.

You should consider yourself lucky that your mom loves you so much and wants to be involved in your life.

On the flip side, I do understand how it can feel suffocating to an adult child. Just remember, it's hard to go from seeing your child, who was once 100% dependent on you for everything, go into the world and be 100% independent. The person upthread who called it "growing pains" hit the nail on the head. The shift is gradual, and mistakes will be made along the way. I think it's fine to sit your mom down and tell her how you feel, maybe introduce some "boundaries". But know that she is always going to love you madly, deeply, because that is what moms do. Someday when you have babies of your own, you'll understand.
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Old 08-19-2014, 04:56 PM
 
Location: sumter
8,489 posts, read 5,311,038 times
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But you will miss that one day op, trust me on that one. There will be days that you will be longing hear her voice like crazy and you wont be able to. Enjoy and appreciate your mothers love for you and your brother .
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Old 08-19-2014, 06:50 PM
 
128 posts, read 168,154 times
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they expect to have grandkids already , and want to take care of the babies. that what would keep them busy
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