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"Emotional cheating?" And just what is that, exactly? This doesn't even fall in the category of "look but don't touch." The husband sounds like he has problems with insecurity. After all, the guy she's emailing is overseas, so it's not like they can hook up anyway. He's a Facebook friend using email as a substitute, and she's willing to show her husband the emails, so she's not acting like a guilty party.
I don't understand why people assume that just because a person is married they must cease and desist all contact with people of the opposite sex. This is especially true for women. Married women don't automatically become hermits just because they are married. It's bad for a person's emotional health to isolate his/her relationships to one or a very few individuals. Contrary to popular belief, friendships with people of the opposite sex do exist, and they can be very strong bonds indeed. I have had a male friend for 25 years who had been there for me in good times and bad. I'd do anything for him in return.
Unfortunately, married individuals often do isolate in this manner. Friendships with others are an important part of life, and if the husband is threatened by his wife having email correspondence with a guy overseas that she will probably never visit her entire life, I'd say the problem lies with HIM, not her.
its called a "slippery slope" and "opening up pandoras box" have you heard of those phrases?
I do not recommend it, especially if her husband already objects. doesn't matter if you or me don't see what the husband sees, it is that she is forming a bond with this faceless stranger on the internet. it can happen. she is playing with fire and will get burned. You could read about how relationships begin on the internet and it begins innocent, but then turns into something else.
The OP was not asking our advice on whether emailing a guy she and her husband knew from graduate school was putting her marriage at risk. As I recall, she was asking at what point to let email correspondence, however fascinating, fade out.
The posts on how she needs to stop emailing immediately since her husband feels odd about it, how she's not honoring her marriage vows, how she is "emotionally cheating," etc. strike me as bizarre.
Over the years, I've noticed that those who accuse others of stealing stuff are usually thieves themselves, those who accuse others of lying often aren't being totally truthful, and so on.
So I'm wondering. Those who are posting about how the OP is "emotionally cheating," by holding conversations over the internet, do your spouses know you are chatting with strangers on C-D?
Hi - I shared my stories a few posts above. What you said "those who accuse others of stealing stuff are usually thieves themselves, those who accuse others of lying often aren't being totally truthful" does not pertain in my case. More like I've been where she is and while it might not happen of course, this is the path that can very well lead to it. I do not recommend it no matter how innocent it looks. and not just from my experience, but from others who have found themselves in the same situation. so, your theory about "projecting" is not applicable for me.
emotional cheating is where you are giving someone else the attention and emotions and sharing thoughts to someone other than your spouse that your spouse is entitled to receive, when you need to be getting that intimacy with your spouse only, I don't mean in physical health issues, like when seeing a doctor, or even chatting with a best girlfriend (if your a female).. but when a woman is married and she begins such a relationship with another man, this can be the beginning of walking the slippery slope and things happening that you were not aware could happen, but the key is - since the husband objects, there IS a problem already. married women having platonic male friends is something they have to be very careful so that it doesn't lead to actual cheating physically.
the only way I would chat / email a married man, if I were married, were in a public forum like this one where everything is out in the open, and NOT going to a private chat room with them. there may be some of you who are married that I reading my words, but its not going to the private slippery slope level of personal emails/chat rooms.
Even so, you are crossing the boundary where it can still lead to other things, but at least it is safer that people don't try to be secretive in a public forum like this one for example.
Hi - I shared my stories a few posts above. What you said "those who accuse others of stealing stuff are usually thieves themselves, those who accuse others of lying often aren't being totally truthful" does not pertain in my case. More like I've been where she is and while it might not happen of course, this is the path that can very well lead to it. I do not recommend it no matter how innocent it looks. and not just from my experience, but from others who have found themselves in the same situation. so, your theory about "projecting" is not applicable for me.
Though it's certainly wise to listen to voices of experience, pay attention to those who've been there and slid down that "slippery slope," this is not the question the OP asked for help with.
Focus folks.
She is not asking how to continue this exchange, but how to let it gradually fade away as other such brief exchanges have in the past.
Her husband is not announcing that he feels threatened and wants her to quit. He stated that he thought it was odd and she believes that since the other guy is doing something he wants to do but can't figure out how, perhaps he's a little envious.
But in any case, these urgent messages to live up to your marriage vows and forsake emailing all others seems way over the top for an email exchange with an old colleague in another country.
By the way, if a marriage can't withstand an email exchange, I suspect it was on shaky grounds to begin with.
The OP is gushing over her penpal. Even my friends would raise their eyebrows if I said what the OP stated. Nothing wrong with recognizing when the spouse is uncomfortable.
Though it's certainly wise to listen to voices of experience, pay attention to those who've been there and slid down that "slippery slope," this is not the question the OP asked for help with.
Focus folks.
You tell us to "focus" but you have so clearly misstated what was in the original post.
You say:
Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould
She is not asking how to continue this exchange, but how to let it gradually fade away as other such brief exchanges have in the past.
Whereas the OP said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by chrissycs
I don't even really know what my question is. This is very unusual for me though. I often reconnect with people from my past but it just naturally dies out. Thisseems to be the opposite. So I guess I just keep responding? I don't think I can keep it up too much longer. I don't have enough interesting things left toshare!
Then you say:
Quote:
Her husband is not announcing that he feels threatened and wants her to quit. He stated that he thought it was odd ...
But what she really said was:
Quote:
And when I mentioned to my husband that I was corresponding with the guy, his reaction was kind of odd.
It's important to have your facts straight before you start the lecture.
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