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I have a whole 'nother group of friends but they all work a lot and don't live in my neighborhood so I generally just see them during the weekend. This one doesn't work and lives at her mom's house so she can chill on a Wednesday night...weekends are usually filled with family activities for her with mother, stepsisters, etc.
I hang out with her because we have been friends since we were teenagers and have been together through a lot of crazy ups and downs.
I do expect someone to have a conversation with me that isn't one sided and I don't like when people come over and are always negative. Its okay to have a bad day but for her everyday is a bad day.
First of all, is there anything about her you like besides the fact she is available during the week?
I was having issues with a very close friend of 20+ years, she would answer my questions to her, but barely asked anything back, it was constant whenever we got together.
So we decided before ending the friendship to TALK, we met over a bottle of wine and each spoke our minds. She apologized for not taking more of an interest but was exhausted (family, parent issues, work), she now realizes it wasn't fair to me.
On the other side she asked me if I had things to tell her, why didn't I just tell her? I said, that I assumed if she didn't ask, she didn't care. She said that's not it at all, just exhaustion.
We agreed that if she was that tired she would reschedule, but if I had things to tell her, that I would say what I had to say. That was about 7 years ago, we are still very good friends and the problem hasn't returned.
If she is really your bff, and you want to salvage the friendship, turn off the tv, get some snacks and lay your cards on the table.
Neither of us were angry or upset, there is nothing wrong with clearing the air.
The toilet was a coincidence and not something you could blame her for since it clogged when you used it.
Now, I want to know why the toilet and her snobbish behavior are the biggest complaints. I would have told her to kick rocks the minute she began dating drug dealers and criminals.
Well...I was living in Miami when she dated coke dealer/drunkard guy but she didn't tell me thats what he did until I moved back to Boston. Back then all she shared was that he cheated on her and she would go back to him.
The second guy...the pot dealer who lives at his mothers house...she didn't tell me he sold pot until 6 months into their relationship. He worked part-time plowing snow and moved away long distance. After maybe a year or so she also told me he sells oxycontin...yet he lives at his mothers house. I guess I forgive her because I think she is just a sucker w/low self esteem. It really does make me judge her though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito
When it comes to people who talk a lot, sometimes you just have to cut in and say something that relates to the conversation. You can't always wait for them to ask about you. Some people just can't shut up. It doesn't make them bad people, it's just who they are. They would ask about you if they could just stop talking like they've got mouth diarrhea.
She DOESN't talk a lot its just that the only things she does talk about are herself and her boyfriend. She can sit in silence for a while....just a horrible conversationalist.
Well...I was living in Miami when she dated coke dealer/drunkard guy but she didn't tell me thats what he did until I moved back to Boston. Back then all she shared was that he cheated on her and she would go back to him.
The second guy...the pot dealer who lives at his mothers house...she didn't tell me he sold pot until 6 months into their relationship. He worked part-time plowing snow and moved away long distance. After maybe a year or so she also told me he sells oxycontin...yet he lives at his mothers house. I guess I forgive her because I think she is just a sucker w/low self esteem. It really does make me judge her though.
She DOESN't talk a lot its just that the only things she does talk about are herself and her boyfriend. She can sit in silence for a while....just a horrible conversationalist.
Or maybe she is just dumb. I know that sounds mean, but I have some friends who are dumb. Good people, but there's no conversation beyond their current romantic interest, or their shoes. You got to either accept them for that, and find fun things to do that aren't conversational, or you need to realize life is sometimes too short for dumb people.
Let it go. This falls into the category of letting someone save face. If she did clog your bowl, she was probably really embarrassed. Have some compassion.
I unclogged the toilet but I'm still annoyed at her even if she didn't clog it. I'm not sure if its her anti-depressants but her affect is flat sometimes and she hasn't matured as I have. She comes over and I try to be a good host. I'm positive, ask her questions about her recent trip, look at her cell phone pictures for over 30 minutes, ask how her jerk off boyfriend is doing, offer food, etc....and she gives nothing.
I just moved to a new apartment and moved in with my boyfriend. She asks no questions about my life, the move, my boyfriend....In fact the only topics she brings up are:
1. Her boyfriend...any decent thing he does she divulges "he drew a heart for meee in graffiti"
2. Herself...mainly clothing she wants, the argan oil shampoo she bought, or the haircut she needs
3. She was born and raised in the US but her mother is French and she always likes to bring up how the US should be more like France...how much less annoying French people are than Bostonians/Cambridge people, how the poor people there aren't as ugly because the clothes are better....just super elitist for no reason. She complains about our city constantly which has its downfalls but she is so negative and has nothing nice to say. When I say "Well, those long vacations are nice but at least people here can get jobs out of college" she almost gets pissed at me.
Is this level of selfishness normal? She is my closest and longest friendship but every time we hang out I feel like she becomes more insufferable. We are both 25.
Wow. You sound like my 14 year-old complaining about a friend of hers The girl likes to one up everyone. I actually called her in here to read this. She walked away realizing how silly she sounds when she complains like you have.
You haven't matured as much as you would like to think. Renting an apartment and sharing a bed with someone doesn't make you mature.
If your friend is on anti-depressants and you feign interest in her while making fun of her here (see your point #1) , what kind of friend are you? Not a very good one. It seems to tick you off that she doesn't acknowledge how wonderful you perceive your life to be. Did it ever occur to you -- for a split second -- that seeing you move on with your life might further depress her as her illness holds her back? I didn't think so. Depression/mental illness, doesn't go away by popping a pill. Medication helps, but not always.
OP - you said you moved in with your boyfriend. Where is he while all this TV watching/peeing/toilet clogging is going on? It sounds like you sit around watching TV for hours.
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