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I have (had) an annoying friend too. Contrary to what others may believe I bet you don't want to make her feel bad so you endure her behavior. Just move on...
This is pretty true. I still care about her a lot but its hard to be around her most of the time now. Its a weird situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by coolgato
The longer you are friends with someone, the harder it is to extricate yourself from the relationship. Unless they are totally toxic or you know that they are taking advantage of you and just using you, but if the only reason is that you no longer enjoy the friendship, then maybe just distance yourself but I doubt you can just terminate a friendship, like with a snap of the finger. Think of it as a process where you don't end the friendship so abruptly, but you let it die a natural death by seeing each other less and less, which makes it easier for the other person to adapt to the loss (gradual) of a friend.
Thanks...this is a good idea. I think I will do this. I kind of want to just be straightforward with her and tell her "I don't like your boyfriend and think its dumb for you to move out there to be with him and give your life up here. You are changing the way you go to college and limiting yourself by doing this. I think you are making a lot of bad choices and I think you should find a better psychologist"
I don't think that will go over with her well though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugah Ray
Pear you need to ask yourself why you want to keep this friendship and if the positives outweigh the negatives. We don't know your life or how you feel. You only have those answers
The clogging part is the easy part. Some people just never admit they are wrong, not even to themselves. Maybe that is part of her personality.
The part where she seems self-absorbed it's tough. Like another poster said she probably won't change. I personally might not feel comfortable telling someone that I don't appreciate their lack of interests for my life. I would prefer that interest to come naturally. I don't want to force others to find my life interesting. However you might be OK with bringing that up.
Also let's assume for a minute your friend won't change. Do you want company or do want a BFF to share all your problems with? If you just want company then speaking about your life it's probably not necessary. I think as we get older we tend to keep many things between ourselves and our partners. Actually I wished I would have not shared some information about me in my younger years. I wished I would have spend more time learning about myself, my needs, my cognitive biases than asking others about advice or approval. While I loved the friends I had back then, It really hurt more than it helped.
Thanks for these words of wisdom. I think she is selfish and spoiled at this point. Imagine a spoiled and rebellious teen who never moved out of her moms house and she is now 25. She is exactly the same but even more maladjusted because she resents people like me (who grew up and moved on) and wants to hang out with people that do drugs all day (most of them avoid her).
[quote=Pear Martini;36236698]This is pretty true. I still care about her a lot but its hard to be around her most of the time now. Its a weird situation.
Thanks...this is a good idea. I think I will do this. I kind of want to just be straightforward with her and tell her "I don't like your boyfriend and think its dumb for you to move out there to be with him and give your life up here. You are changing the way you go to college and limiting yourself by doing this. I think you are making a lot of bad choices and I think you should find a better psychologist"
I don't think that will go over with her well though.
You have to kind of rein it in there a bit. She is a grown woman, maybe an immature one, but that is her life and you can't go at her like that, criticizing her life choices. You are right - it will not go over well with her. What you can say is that you've been her friend for so long and you think she really deserves great things in her life, but you are afraid that her choices will not make those great things a reality, then leave it there. Sometimes people, especially in their twenties, have to learn by experience and that means by making mistakes. Sometimes if you push people, they go the other way, and usually the way you did not want them to go. You can't be her parent and she's even too old for her mom and dad to tell her what to do, why would she listen to you?
When it comes to people who talk a lot, sometimes you just have to cut in and say something that relates to the conversation. You can't always wait for them to ask about you. Some people just can't shut up. It doesn't make them bad people, it's just who they are. They would ask about you if they could just stop talking like they've got mouth diarrhea.
So true. I waited nearly 30 yrs for certain people to stop talking about themselves and then finally interrupted and just started talking about myself. Whatever works.
Are you sure your daughter didn't just walk out because no 14 year old wants to read on a forum her mom posts on? So you are like criticizing your 14 year old and me...an internet stranger. I actually became friends with this gal when I was 14...kept her around despite all the bull**** because I care about her but I don't even know who she is anymore. I never said I'm super evolved but I have my **** together compared to a lot of other 25 year olds.
I have only been posting here a few months but in so many threads I see here, the OP gets attacked for just ASKING her Q in the first place! Clearly it is important to her, even if it is a " first world problem."
It feels awful to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open up the inside of your mind only to get attacked about it. Just saying. ...
My best friend of 8 years just came over to my new apartment. She is the only friend I can just sit back and watch TV with for hours but she is so in her own world. The only things she talks about is her boyfriend (who is a dumbass and very immature) or herself.
She was the last person to use the bathroom. She was in there for a bit and came out and said she "only peed". 15 minutes after she went home I go to pee and after I pee I see that there is very little water in the bowl. I flush it and a ton of water fills the toilet and a wad of toilet paper comes out of the toilet into the bowl...the toilet overfilled until it was an inch away from overflowing onto the ground.
After 20 minutes it drained itself. I'm not sure if she clogged my toilet or if this was a problem bound to happen. I'm just really annoyed right now. My toilet drained itself but now the bowl has almost no water. Should I ask her if she flushed anything weird or would that be too much? Their is a possibility that this was a preexisting problem.
I tell you the same thing I tell others when their toilet clogs and I take responsibility for it: It's not my fault your toilet is a dainty thing that chokes on my dookie. Buy a plunger.
I tell you the same thing I tell others when their toilet clogs and I take responsibility for it: It's not my fault your toilet is a dainty thing that chokes on my dookie. Buy a plunger.
Yea man!! $2 at Wal-Mart! I have one handy just in case! That whole scenario could have been avoided with a trip to Wal-Mart after shortly moving in.
Or maybe she is just dumb. I know that sounds mean, but I have some friends who are dumb. Good people, but there's no conversation beyond their current romantic interest, or their shoes. You got to either accept them for that, and find fun things to do that aren't conversational, or you need to realize life is sometimes too short for dumb people.
I like this. Acceptance and adaptation or GTFON
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Sounds as if you've outgrown your friend. It happens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carterstamp
Doesn't sound like you're much of a friend.
And, both of these... *nods head*
I vote you chill on hanging with your pal so much. You're probably driving her just as nuts as she is you... you know? Either that, or straight-up tell her what you think. Here are some direct quotes from your posts: "She is negative, uninteresting, and keeps shady men around her." "she is very elitist and snobby." "I think she is just a sucker w/low self esteem."
OR... you could... do as you actually say, yourself (another direct quote...yes, quotes a bit out of context, intention retained, tho.):
"... I think I will do this. I kind of want to just be straightforward with her and tell her "I don't like your boyfriend and think its dumb for you to move out there to be with him and give your life up here. You are changing the way you go to college and limiting yourself by doing this. I think you are making a lot of bad choices and I think you should find a better psychologist"
We're I this person and my good, good friend, who could hardly stand being around me anymore, said to me... what you want to straightforwardly say to her... I'd certainly take note. I'd hear it. And, one day... perhaps, not today...but, some day, I would be genuinely grateful they'd told me how they felt.
Be honest. Be kind. Do it nicely, with love.
Best wishes for all.
Yea man!! $2 at Wal-Mart! I have one handy just in case! That whole scenario could have been avoided with a trip to Wal-Mart after shortly moving in.
Stay away from the Master Plunger. It works a bit too well. When you push down and then pull back up, the water will suck into it. When you push down again, you'll get blasted with nasty toilet water. I would know from one terrible experience with it.
Stay away from the Master Plunger. It works a bit too well. When you push down and then pull back up, the water will suck into it. When you push down again, you'll get blasted with nasty toilet water. I would know from one terrible experience with it.
is that the one that looks like a weird accordian-like thing? I have one of those which is better than the usual kind of plunger. so far i haven't been hit with toilet water.
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Her Life
