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So, I have a friend who has invited me to more than a few of his parties he has and events his building has. Just to be clear, I am a woman and my friend is a guy. Well, he invited me to a housewarming party a couple of months ago and I went. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend! But I was very cordial and made sure to ask her questions, etc.
Now, the housewarming party wasn't a good turnout. I invited two friends and then it was him and his girlfriend. My friend and I work together and we would often talk about things that happen in the office. I noticed her staring weirdly at me a couple of times to the point where it made me extremely uncomfortable. My friend is a cool guy and I have no romantic interest in him at all! But he's a cool hang out buddy.
The thing is, he has been inviting me to quite a few events recently, and I always say that I'll try to make it - but never actually show up. I just don't feel comfortable and don't want to be grilled by his girlfriend anymore. He's even mentioned the fact that I haven't hung out with him and no longer extends these offers.
Should I bring this up with my friend? Or, if not, what is the best way to handle this?
The fact that you work together and call him a friend, but didn't know he has a GF, either means you aren't THAT good a friends OR he is hiding the fact that he has a GF from you.
It sounds like this problem will resolve itself since he no longer invites you as often. That might make things in the office awkward, but telling him about your unease with his GF might make things even MORE awkward.
The fact that you work together and call him a friend, but didn't know he has a GF, either means you aren't THAT good a friends OR he is hiding the fact that he has a GF from you.
It sounds like this problem will resolve itself since he no longer invites you as often. That might make things in the office awkward, but telling him about your unease with his GF might make things even MORE awkward.
I don't think not talking about one's personal life at work is "hiding" anything.
No one that I worked with knew I was pregnant until I started showing, it is none of their concern what is going on in my social life. Most of them didn't even know I had gotten married a year earlier because it was very low key, on a weekend a no real honeymoon.
Original Poster: If you are uncomfortable just don't go unless you know that the girlfriend is not going to be there but I would ask him if she knows that you have been invited.
She may think you are after her man (which so many do without reason) and it may be causing issues between them that you do not know about.
I would not turn down a group gathering but perhaps take a date with you when you go?
That may ease the issues if there are any with the girlfriend.
I am a woman who has only had male friends my entire life. This has happened to me 87659 times. Girlfriends are ALWAYS jealous of female friends (at least in the beginning of their relationship). It doesn't matter that you don't "like him like that" she is very insecure and suspicious of you. You can play it two ways 1.) completely dodge him until he dumps her (usually won't take long if she's that insecure) 2.) go to every single thing he invites you to and ignore him and hang out with her making an enormous effort to be nonthreatening hoping to get in her good graces.
You'll know it's going wrong if/when she starts putting you down to him and causing conflict in your relationship, urging him to get a different job, etc.
Now that you know he has a girlfriend, respect that, say nothing to him about her, give them their space and stay as much out of the picture as you can.
So, I have a friend who has invited me to more than a few of his parties he has and events his building has. Just to be clear, I am a woman and my friend is a guy. Well, he invited me to a housewarming party a couple of months ago and I went. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend! But I was very cordial and made sure to ask her questions, etc.
Should I bring this up with my friend? Or, if not, what is the best way to handle this?
There is no way to handle it. Keep doing what you're doing. That's a sticky one.
Others will have different views, but I personally can't really hang around with married women. Or women in relationships with guys, or even steadily dating guys. Not the same as the inverse, like OP's situation: women associating with attached guys. Fairly close, however: doesn't really work, not even if they're just good work-friends or whatnot.
I've been pals, at the office, with married women or women who are attached. Women I enjoy on a personal and business level. After all, we spend 40/hrs week at our jobs; might as well try and make friends while we're there. That's there, however: I won't be doing things with them socially outside the office. Three's just a crowd. It is always awkward, as in every....single....time. So I just quit doing it. I had to puzzle this out in my 20s. Some things you've just got to learn the hard way.
Reason is that some guys will mercilessly scam friends and everyone else to score with attached women: I've known guys like that, so have most of us. Conquerors, dominants, whatever you want to call the personality type. I am not wired that way, being a firm believer in "boundaries" and never, ever, losing my head over a piece of tail. But at a primal level, both men and women "assume" single guys might be the kind who pick up married or attached women. People get killed over stuff like that, throughout history. Rightly, wrongly, morally, immorally, doesn't matter. Happens all the time. Name your example: there are many, in both literature and real-life.
For domestic harmony purposes, I submit OP is doing the right thing by spending less time with the attached male friend. The girlfriend want OP to just go away, at-minimum. Women fight mercilessly among themselves over guys, too. If he's ever single again, the rules change and they can work out the dynamic some other way.
Until then, that's just how it is.
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