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Old 09-01-2014, 12:53 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 9,195,025 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MPowering1 View Post
When people are unaware they can take control, they often try to steamroll the steamroller, or the person being empowered. I believe that's what we're seeing.
The thing is I went into the meeting assured she was an assistant but they didn't treat her like that. They ordered another book for her, which they never did for assistants. She started trying to not only take over the class but the whole department with her ideas. Then on top of it the director told me how wonderful she is with technology. That rubbed me the wrong way since I have a degree in technology and work in it. Part of my job requires me to learn new software programs and new technology.

 
Old 09-01-2014, 12:57 PM
 
2,762 posts, read 2,000,030 times
Reputation: 2647
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
whenever i start finding myself saying you you you and them them them
i know i got stuff i need to work on
i am powerless over others
hobbies and art and gardening and taking care of a cat has helped me far more than my volunteer work
too often my volunteer work has a hidden agenda.
self examination is critical
A hidden agenda is like an ulterior motive; you or someone else may do something or act a certain way in supposed benevolence, but the real reason you or they actually did that was also for personal gain; not to just help out.

And that should not be the case in any volunteer job.
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:01 PM
 
2,762 posts, read 2,000,030 times
Reputation: 2647
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
The thing is I went into the meeting assured she was an assistant but they didn't treat her like that. They ordered another book for her, which they never did for assistants. She started trying to not only take over the class but the whole department with her ideas. Then on top of it the director told me how wonderful she is with technology. That rubbed me the wrong way since I have a degree in technology and work in it. Part of my job requires me to learn new software programs and new technology.
God needs to be involved in the entire situation.

Leave everything in his hands.
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:08 PM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,585,256 times
Reputation: 33951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
If I'm asked to leave I will leave the church and quit all involvement, including cantoring. They are already short cantors so giving me a hard time only hurt them.
You have a HUGE EGO. It may "hurt them" short term, but they will find someone to replace you.

Are you serious? There have been Hollywood actors who think also thought they were "irreplaceable" when demanding more money(usually on a TV show), only to find out they were replaceable.

Just remember you work for the church(whether you're paid or you're a volunteer), they don't work for you.

You don't like the way things are changing, than as was suggested several pages back talk to the director in a reasonable and unemotional tone(judging from your posts you better practice first) OR as the British say "Press On" and go somewhere else.

But don't think for one minute you leaving is going to bring down the church or cause major disruptions.
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:18 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 66,993,147 times
Reputation: 22369
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
If I'm asked to leave I will leave the church and quit all involvement, including cantoring. They are already short cantors so giving me a hard time only hurt them.
I don't think anyone is going to have to ASK you to leave, lolololol. Looks like management has figured out a way to help you make that decision without their having to say a word.
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:19 PM
 
Location: The #1 sunshine state, Arizona.
12,172 posts, read 15,409,253 times
Reputation: 64029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
The thing is I went into the meeting assured she was an assistant but they didn't treat her like that. They ordered another book for her, which they never did for assistants. She started trying to not only take over the class but the whole department with her ideas. Then on top of it the director told me how wonderful she is with technology. That rubbed me the wrong way since I have a degree in technology and work in it. Part of my job requires me to learn new software programs and new technology.
So you think it is possible that this woman might make positive contributuions to the class? Perhaps she can see things in a new light, and actually become an asset to you?
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,233 posts, read 7,851,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
If I'm asked to leave I will leave the church and quit all involvement, including cantoring. They are already short cantors so giving me a hard time only hurt them.

Yep I'd definitely pick up my marbles and go home.
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,866 posts, read 17,179,158 times
Reputation: 40698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
That's it. I am very kind, otherwise I wouldn't be teaching. I'm not doing it for anything except I enjoy it. I have had assistants in the past and enjoy having them. This situation is NOT like that. It's a mom who has never volunteered for anything before coming in because she wants to (she's being selfish, not me)and take over my class. She obviously has no interest in actually teaching otherwise she would already be doing it. Rather, her interest is hovering over her child. But now I have to co teach with someone who has no business even being there.

I don't get why many aren't getting it. It doesn't have to do with me being a diva or on an ego trip. It has to do with someone butting in only because of their child and disrupting everything. Next year she'll either be gone or will move up with her kid. My assistants have always worked with me and I gave them responsibilities. I doubt she'll accept these.
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I think this mother needs a good dose of reality and this is not going to help her daughter at all if anything it is going to teach her daughter that she can run to mommy everytime something does not come easy to her and this mother is doing her a child disservice she needs a good parenting class not a church position . I m sorry but I also have dealt with mothers like this and there is one word for them helicopter moms ...they hover and never give their children time to develop on their own .
I strongly suspect that this new mother is planning, either consciously or unconsciously, to remake the class and the curriculum so that her child is the main focus, or that they are only doing things that her daughter enjoys doing. Perhaps, her daughter does not enjoy singing. As co-teacher she may insist that the usual time that spend singing a religious hymn or two is spent doing something else. Perhaps, her shy daughter does not like to answer questions or "share" in class. Mom may insist that they now stop doing that during class. I suspect that the routines and curriculum that has worked very successfully for several years, with a wide variety of children, may end up being scrapped so that every child in the class now will get to do what her child wants to do.

I have seen this happen again and again in situations where parents volunteer in schools. I will give an example that happened in my school for a party where a kindergarten room mother "assisted". For at least 15 years the kindergarten teachers had certain aspects of the parties in the same way. One thing was that they had parents sign up to send in different types of food, for example, cheese, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables and dip, or something sweet like cookies or cupcakes. This room mother decided that since her son disliked some of those foods, all 24 other kindergarten students must dislike those foods as well. So she told the other parents to only send cookies, brownies, cupcakes and candy for the party (which was actually in violation of district policy). The room mother's son also disliked games so instead of planning games for the party the room mother decided that all of the kindergarten children would enjoy reading books and doing "book reports" (drawings) as their sole "fun" party activity.

This happened so often, where one parent would totally take over and plan the activity with only their child in mind rather than the whole class that our school totally eliminated "room mothers" or parents assisting with classroom parties (unless the party was totally planned and organized by the teacher and the parents just helped that day).

Now, if this parent had volunteered in the past for the church, it may be different. But, it is a huge Red Flag that the very first time that the mom volunteers is when her daughter starts classes and the mom insists that not only is she allowed to assist in that same class but she wants to be the co-pilot/co-teach the class. And at the very first meeting, the mom demands a teacher's manual, wants to change well established routines, and basically demands to be in charge.

Perhaps, the OP is overreacting a little, but I can picture disaster ahead, not just for the OP, but for the other children in the class.

I don't know what I would do if I was in the OP's shoes. I might continue as co-teacher and try to stem the upcoming disaster or try to "ride it out" (perhaps, the other mom will quit after a few weeks) or perhaps it won't be as bad as looks right now. Perhaps, it is time for the OP to take a few months or a year off from volunteering for the church and focus on other hobbies and volunteer activities.

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-01-2014 at 01:55 PM..
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:47 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 9,195,025 times
Reputation: 5893
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElizaTeal View Post
So you think it is possible that this woman might make positive contributuions to the class? Perhaps she can see things in a new light, and actually become an asset to you?
I doubt it. She's not coming into class because she is involved with church (a point many are missing)but because she doesn't want her daughter to be away from her.
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:53 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 9,195,025 times
Reputation: 5893
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I suspect that this new mother is planning, either consciously or unconsciously, to remake the class and the curriculum so that her child is the main focus, or that they are only doing things that her daughter enjoys doing. Perhaps, her daughter does not enjoy singing. As co-teacher she may insist that the usual time that spend singing a religious hymn or two is spent doing something else. Perhaps, her shy daughter does not like to answer questions or "share" in class. Mom may insist that they now stop doing that during class. I suspect that the routines and curriculum that has worked very successfully for several years, with a wide variety of children, may end up being scrapped so that every child in the class now will get to do what her child wants to do.

I have seen this happen again and again in situations where parents volunteer in schools. I will give an example that happened in my school for a party where a kindergarten room mother "assisted". For at least 15 years the kindergarten teachers had certain aspects of the parties in the same way. One thing was that they had parents sign up to send in different types of food, for example, cheese, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables and dip, or something sweet like cookies or cupcakes. This room mother decided that since her son disliked some of those foods, all 24 other kindergarten students must dislike those foods as well. So she told the other parents to only send cookies, brownies, cupcakes and candy for the party. The room mother's son also disliked games so instead of planning games for the party the room mother decided that all of the kindergarten children would enjoy reading books and doing "book reports" (drawings) as their sole "fun" party activity. This happened so often, where one parent would totally take over and plan the activity with only their child in mind rather than the whole class that our school totally eliminated "room mothers" or parents assisting with classroom parties (unless the party was totally planned and organized by the teacher and the parents just helped that day).

Now, if this parent had volunteered in the past for the church, it may be different. But, it is a huge Red Flag that the very first time that the mom volunteers is when her daughter starts classes and the mom insists that not only is she allowed to assist in that same class but she wants to be the co-pilot/co-teach the class. And at the very first meeting, the mom demands a teacher's manual, wants to change well established routines, and basically demands to be in charge.

Perhaps, the OP is overreacting a little, but I can picture disaster ahead, not just for the OP, but for the other children in the class.
Great post and yes this is something I did wonder about. I feel it will be catered to her daughter just like what happened to another class. There are other parents who volunteer but the others volunteered regardless of their kids. For example the official sub teacher has two kids in the classes, (and his son was in my class last year). Not once did he try to take over my class, in fact he requested he sub in other classes because of implied favoritism. Last year the two 2nd grade teachers were both moms of 2nd graders but both had been teachers before their kids were in class. This mom has not only never volunteered but never volunteered for anything at the church. In fact before now I had never met her and I do everything for the church, including being a chair person for several events. If she was just okay with being an assistant she wouldn't be coming in and telling the church how to change.

What happened last time is the teacher was pushed aside and the mom took over. She didn't teach what she was supposed to, mostly had them watch movies she brought from home. This mom didn't even take the required 6 hours of classes either. She also quit the following year. The kids went to the next year not knowing what they should and the next teacher had to teach what the other mom should have.
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