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Old 09-03-2014, 07:35 AM
 
9,895 posts, read 9,538,790 times
Reputation: 10084

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
I'm going to see both tomorrow and ask them. No, I won't co teach, if anything I'll quit and quit all my volunteering at the church. We'll see what they say. It'll hurt but if that is the case they are lying and I can't handle lying. The other teacher who had this problem ended up quitting.

No, this woman apparently has been at the church for years and had the time to volunteer she just chose not to.

Hi I am here as a person defending you. I somehow think I am right. Can you tell me why you want to have the class exclusively as yours and not have a co-teacher? I say its because you have the way you want to do things and this person is wanting to do it all against what you envision. I don't see anything wrong with that. and I don't think you have a big ego, I think its a judgment call on your part. am I wrong?

 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:08 AM
 
1,939 posts, read 2,154,894 times
Reputation: 5620
I don't feel there is any point to this thread. Several people have given excellent advice, which has not been acknowledged. The OP is only looking for people to jump on her sympathy train. It's too bad because there is a real opportunity here for the OP to grow as a leader.

The positive thing I am taking from this is the sobering reminder of why I do the things I do in the volunteering world. It's not about me. It will never be about me. If it becomes about me I need to quietly hand things off and do a lot of soul searching about where I got off track.
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,056,304 times
Reputation: 51113
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Yes I have my catechist certification. I am working on a teaching one to work in the Diocese or even public schools so that is part of it. The other part is it's something that gives me great job. I have put a lot into this, I planned the whole year this summer, including buying supplies. This woman has NEVER volunteered at the church ever. I've never seen her at any events. I'm at every event and involved in every event.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
She wouldn't know because she never spoke to me. She assumed she was the teacher. The deacon asked me if we were going to do these and I said "guess so". She then started telling him everything and then she told me she was going to change the syllabus.
Put yourself in Idon'tdateyou's shoes, she spend many hours this summer preparing for the year long class, organizing things, buying supplies, fine tuning the curriculum (probably just like all of the other teachers were doing) and then right before classes start someone new, without certification or experience, jumps in and wants to change the curriculum.

From what the OP wrote it was not "Let's include this to help strengthen this point, or let's try presenting this idea in this way" but totally changing a well established curriculum/syllabus of the class.

Look at it this way, picture an experienced, long time employee that had been working on a major presentation at work for months and months and the presentation is totally completed and ready to present to the client. Then the boss, says to a new hire "Hey, you are now an equal to the experienced employee" and the new hire wants to totally change and revamp the entire presentation days before it is to be shown to the clients. I would suspect that the experience person would be concerned that the finished product (in this case the curriculum and classes) would not be the best quality that it could be. That is the way that I pictured it. The OP made it seem like it was all about her, but I think that she is more concerned about the children and the program suffering.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
I feel it will be catered to her daughter just like what happened to another class. (snip) If she was just okay with being an assistant she wouldn't be coming in and telling the church how to change.

What happened last time is the teacher was pushed aside and the mom took over. She didn't teach what she was supposed to, mostly had them watch movies she brought from home. This mom didn't even take the required 6 hours of classes either. She also quit the following year. The kids went to the next year not knowing what they should and the next teacher had to teach what the other mom should have.
It appears the OP is concerned that the children in the class will not receive the appropriate education for that grade level.

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-03-2014 at 08:37 AM..
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:37 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 24,016,792 times
Reputation: 27092
I think this helicopter mom has over stepped her boundary in all of this and someone needs to come forward and set her straight of course the church wont because they want her to put money in the collection plate im sorry but that is what it boils down to ...this mom needs a parenting class to learn how not to hover over a shy child . This child will never develop any kind of personality because mommy is going to be there . I detest mothers who seem to think that their child is the most super great little person that was ever put on this earth and they think they can bulldoze everyone else that gets in their way . I agree with the OP this mommy needs to back off and let the teacher teach and she needs to help the church in another area if she wishes to do so , otherwise I feel that this church will be doing away with an excellent teacher and these days folks those are few and far between .
oh yeah OP ask this mommy dearest if she would like to chip in on the school supplies as well since she seems to want to help so much ...that might just be the trick to do her in ...wink wink

Last edited by phonelady61; 09-03-2014 at 08:39 AM.. Reason: spelling
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:38 AM
 
5,198 posts, read 5,263,657 times
Reputation: 13249
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
I will not step down nor will I co teach. I am the teacher and she is either the assistant or nothing at all. I was there first, it's my class. Not to mention since I have come in many other teachers have come in. Most don't have assistants or if they do they are teens. She only came in because of her daughter and that rubs me the wrong way. I will make it known I am the leader. I've had assistants and I like that but they were assistants and did things like take the kids to the bathroom.
LOL. Goodness, you sound like a child. It's actually the director's class - she is just allowing you to teach it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
I am charitable otherwise I wouldn't TEACH. I do more than most.
There is more to charity than teaching. True charity would be being nice to the woman even though you are insecure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Then she needs to stop butting into my teaching. It's not about HER but people are thinking it is. I was there, I created the curriculum, I've even come into the church to help many times. She never has. By the same token if she is a co teacher they lied to me and they are higher up in the church and we all know lying is a sin. At the meeting she kept bringing up things she wants to teach.

Hate to break it to you, but it's not about YOU either. I have only read the first page of this thread, but you haven't mentioned God once. Putting yourself before him is a sin. Being rude to people is a sin. I see a LOT of me, me, me here.
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:42 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 24,016,792 times
Reputation: 27092
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty View Post
LOL. Goodness, you sound like a child. It's actually the director's class - she is just allowing you to teach it.



There is more to charity than teaching. True charity would be being nice to the woman even though you are insecure.




Hate to break it to you, but it's not about YOU either. I have only read the first page of this thread, but you haven't mentioned God once. Putting yourself before him is a sin. Being rude to people is a sin. I see a LOT of me, me, me here.

Is the church putting God or the children first ? no they are putting this mommy dearest first ...this church should also learn that they have an excellent teacher here and they are doing her very unchristian like .
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,056,304 times
Reputation: 51113
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I think this helicopter mom has over stepped her boundary in all of this and someone needs to come forward and set her straight of course the church wont because they want her to put money in the collection plate im sorry but that is what it boils down to ...this mom needs a parenting class to learn how not to hover over a shy child . This child will never develop any kind of personality because mommy is going to be there . I detest mothers who seem to think that their child is the most super great little person that was ever put on this earth and they think they can bulldoze everyone else that gets in their way . I agree with the OP this mommy needs to back off and let the teacher teach and she needs to help the church in another area if she wishes to do so , otherwise I feel that this church will be doing away with an excellent teacher and these days folks those are few and far between .
oh yeah OP ask this mommy dearest if she would like to chip in on the school supplies as well since she seems to want to help so much ...that might just be the trick to do her in ...wink wink
I agree with phonelady61. I think that some of the posters who are saying "let the mom have input", "let the mom co-teach" have not had to deal with extreme helicopter parents (which, I think this mother is). Luckily, they are a tiny minority but they can wreak havoc on the other children as well as causing long term problems for their own child.



Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
there are many, many parents of "shy" children who "insist" that the rules be bent or totally ignored so that they are with their children. Every year, in the public school where I taught/sub teach there would be problems with a couple of parents.

"I know that the rules say that I can not walk my 1st grader to her classroom every morning, but she is so shy that I need to do that".

"I have to go on the fieldtrip with my child, she would be frightened without me going along."

"I know that parents are not allowed on the playground during lunch recess but my daughter wants me to stand beside while she plays on the equipment."

"I want to volunteer in my daughter's classroom, fulltime." (Yes, a parent wanted to volunteer from Monday to Friday, from the first bell to the end of school each day).

These were things that I remember other teachers telling me from my school just from last year.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I strongly suspect that this new mother is planning, either consciously or unconsciously, to remake the class and the curriculum so that her child is the main focus, or that they are only doing things that her daughter enjoys doing. Perhaps, her daughter does not enjoy singing. As co-teacher she may insist that the usual time that spend singing a religious hymn or two is spent doing something else. Perhaps, her shy daughter does not like to answer questions or "share" in class. Mom may insist that they now stop doing that during class. I suspect that the routines and curriculum that has worked very successfully for several years, with a wide variety of children, may end up being scrapped so that every child in the class now will get to do what her child wants to do.

I have seen this happen again and again in situations where parents volunteer in schools.
(various snips in post)

This happened so often, where one parent would totally take over and plan the activity with only their child in mind rather than the whole class that our school totally eliminated "room mothers" or parents assisting with classroom parties (unless the party was totally planned and organized by the teacher and the parents just helped that day).



Perhaps, the OP is overreacting a little, but I can picture disaster ahead, not just for the OP, but for the other children in the class.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
You're right. Many are getting it wrong and think I'm not open to helping. Not true at all. This issue is bothering me because she only wants to volunteer to be with her daughter and to control the class. (snip).

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-03-2014 at 09:04 AM..
 
Old 09-03-2014, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,399,744 times
Reputation: 41122
I've been following this thread for awhile now. I think the whole thing can be boiled down to the OP threatening to quit not only this but all her volunteering for the church unless she is allowed to continue reigning her little empire. A person volunteering with God in her heart is willing to listen and do what is best for the church and all of it's parishioners not simply what best stokes her own ego and needs.

Somewhere along the way the OP forgot what she is doing and why. Perhaps it is time for a break.
 
Old 09-03-2014, 09:12 AM
 
1,026 posts, read 1,190,034 times
Reputation: 1794
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Put yourself in Idon'tdateyou's shoes, she spend many hours this summer preparing for the year long class, organizing things, buying supplies, fine tuning the curriculum (probably just like all of the other teachers were doing) and then right before classes start someone new, without certification or experience, jumps in and wants to change the curriculum.

From what the OP wrote it was not "Let's include this to help strengthen this point, or let's try presenting this idea in this way" but totally changing a well established curriculum/syllabus of the class.

Look at it this way, picture an experienced, long time employee that had been working on a major presentation at work for months and months and the presentation is totally completed and ready to present to the client. Then the boss, says to a new hire "Hey, you are now an equal to the experienced employee" and the new hire wants to totally change and revamp the entire presentation days before it is to be shown to the clients.
germaine, I see your point. However, IMHO, the director and deacon have led the woman to believe that she is a teacher and her suggestions are not only welcome, but expected. They included her name in the list of teachers, invited her to the teacher's meeting, ordered her a teaching manual, called her a "co-pilot" and asked her for her ideas. They have clearly made it seem as if co-teacher is her role and the OP says she has experience as a working teacher, so I would expect her to have input. The deacon even asked the OP if she was going to make the changes, and she agreed, so she is sending mixed messages.

I think OP needs to clarify her own role with her director. If she is expected to co-teach, and she is still opposed to that, then she should quit. That would be unfortunate because everyone could be missing an opportunity to learn.

I don't agree with having a mother teach her own child, so I think that issue is an important one that should be addressed. Ultimately, that is the decision of the director, not the OP.

I don't understand, however, the OP being so unwelcoming to a new volunteer. Everyone has something to add to a volunteer program, no matter if is their first time or if they have been volunteering for years. To suggest that a person is more worthy because she has been volunteering longer goes against the very idea of donating her time in a selfless manner.

Last edited by raindrop101; 09-03-2014 at 09:34 AM..
 
Old 09-03-2014, 09:15 AM
 
1,166 posts, read 1,376,135 times
Reputation: 2181
The OP has yet to address whether the other woman's ideas for changes are good or not, or whether the problem is just that they're not how the OP has planned the lessons out and wants them to be.

If they're awful ideas, then sure, address the problem ideas and not the person presenting them. If there's a good idea, then talk about how to possibly implement that within the already planned curriculum and without too much disruption to your own plans.

It's obvious the OP has a lot of pride over the work and effort she has put into the position, and that her feelings are hurt, but if she can manage to set aside her pride and hurt feelings to critically and objectively consider the "help," and the ideas being offered, then perhaps something great can come from all this.

Packing up and giving the Church the proverbial finger on your way out the door only hurts you, and the children, at least until a replacement teacher is found. Don't fool yourself, because the church will carry on, and they will find someone to replace you. No one is ever that indispensable.
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