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Old 09-01-2014, 08:31 AM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,892 posts, read 13,496,223 times
Reputation: 15338

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Posting an address on fb is questionable- unless maybe it was a P.O. box..
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Old 09-01-2014, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,133 posts, read 3,482,976 times
Reputation: 9837
I think part of my reaction to this comes out of the daughter asking people to "please bring a card and little gift" a few years ago for her mother, via text message, when she invited people to a previous birthday party.

I had already purchased a gift and card and drove in from out of state to this event.

When I got home I had an email thanking me for my gift and card. While I was visiting there was very little personal interaction as the mother is in a nursing home and the party was focused on staff and their celebration for this birthday.

The rest of us sat on the sidelines and watched the daughter taking photos of her mom and the nurses aids. It all felt rather impersonal considering I've known this woman and her daughter for almost 60 years!

There is another back story to my reaction to this latest "request", but I won't elaborate. It does color my attitude with the daughter. I no longer visit there and have any connection other than superficial with the daughter. I wish the mother well and have no hard feelings toward her.

Anyway, glad you all think it's sweet and appropriate.

Perhaps just seeing this latest "request" has raised up dormant negative emotions for me with the daughter.
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Old 09-01-2014, 09:19 AM
 
6,163 posts, read 4,953,159 times
Reputation: 12467
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelinLow View Post
I think part of my reaction to this comes out of the daughter asking people to "please bring a card and little gift" a few years ago for her mother, via text message, when she invited people to a previous birthday party.

I had already purchased a gift and card and drove in from out of state to this event.

When I got home I had an email thanking me for my gift and card. While I was visiting there was very little personal interaction as the mother is in a nursing home and the party was focused on staff and their celebration for this birthday.

The rest of us sat on the sidelines and watched the daughter taking photos of her mom and the nurses aids. It all felt rather impersonal considering I've known this woman and her daughter for almost 60 years!

There is another back story to my reaction to this latest "request", but I won't elaborate. It does color my attitude with the daughter. I no longer visit there and have any connection other than superficial with the daughter. I wish the mother well and have no hard feelings toward her.

Anyway, glad you all think it's sweet and appropriate.

Perhaps just seeing this latest "request" has raised up dormant negative emotions for me with the daughter.
That was really nice of you to drive in from out of state to the previous party. I wouldn't have done it.

Don't let it eat you up, send the card and let it go. My mom is 90 and loves getting things, even if she forgets what the heck happened after a few seconds.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:23 AM
 
4,750 posts, read 3,477,910 times
Reputation: 4943
That's not safe putting her address out there. Sure, she may trust her friends, but you don't know who else can see it (even if you have your privacy settings set).
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:43 AM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,585,256 times
Reputation: 33951
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelinLow View Post
I think part of my reaction to this comes out of the daughter asking people to "please bring a card and little gift" a few years ago for her mother, via text message, when she invited people to a previous birthday party.

I had already purchased a gift and card and drove in from out of state to this event.

When I got home I had an email thanking me for my gift and card. While I was visiting there was very little personal interaction as the mother is in a nursing home and the party was focused on staff and their celebration for this birthday.

The rest of us sat on the sidelines and watched the daughter taking photos of her mom and the nurses aids. It all felt rather impersonal considering I've known this woman and her daughter for almost 60 years!

There is another back story to my reaction to this latest "request", but I won't elaborate. It does color my attitude with the daughter. I no longer visit there and have any connection other than superficial with the daughter. I wish the mother well and have no hard feelings toward her.

Anyway, glad you all think it's sweet and appropriate.

Perhaps just seeing this latest "request" has raised up dormant negative emotions for me with the daughter.
Why did you sit on the sidelines? What prevented you from going over to the mother and saying "Oh Mrs. Smith you look lovely today, I am so happy that I was invited to your party?".

While it was nice of you to drive from out of state, it sounds like you lack basic social skills. When you're dealing with an elderly person and especially in a NH environment YOU make the first move, you just don't sit there.

If the mother was in a NH a few years back, than is she still at the home(you mentioned the daughter listed her address on FB).

If the mother is at NH putting the address isn't really an issue.

If she lived alone in her own home, than that is foolish and could be dangerous. But it sounds like she would still be in the NH, which are staffed 24/7.

Oh no it's not tacky to ask people to send cards to a 90yr old woman, it's a sweet idea.

You sound like one of these people who is very easily offended over nonsense. Remove the stick.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:43 AM
 
6,163 posts, read 4,953,159 times
Reputation: 12467
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
That's not safe putting her address out there. Sure, she may trust her friends, but you don't know who else can see it (even if you have your privacy settings set).
I think she said she lives in a nursing home, so probably their address.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Dallas
5,599 posts, read 4,901,421 times
Reputation: 16440
90 is a big deal. Most people don't make it that long, and many of the oldsters friends and relatives are long gone. Asking friends to send b'day cards is a nice idea, and I'm sure the mother would be thrilled to get so many cards. However, the "little gift" request a few years back was tacky.
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Old 09-01-2014, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,059 posts, read 11,987,482 times
Reputation: 16526
Quote:
Originally Posted by Classy Sassy View Post
I think it is thoughtful of the daughter.
I agree...it is sweet...at 90 I'd like to have a daughter like that.
It's a card, not a gift.....what a small thing to makes this woman's day...she prob needs it...might
feel unloved or something.
And, it's voluntary.
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Old 09-01-2014, 12:05 PM
 
5,830 posts, read 5,666,292 times
Reputation: 5142
Not tacky, but dangerous, you never post personal info like your mailing address on Facebook. Please tell her that.
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Old 09-01-2014, 12:06 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,173 posts, read 39,722,349 times
Reputation: 41610
It seems a little odd, but I'd say that the persons heart is in the right place. Probably just trying to make the 90th b day special.

But yeah, it does seem a little weird, but nothing to get worked up over.
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