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Old 09-01-2014, 05:25 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 3,755,140 times
Reputation: 4103

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I left my home town for grad school to the other side of the country, but part of the reason was because I felt like my friends didn't treat me that well. Over the years, one by one, they've dropped me for whatever reason. I don't know what it is, but people have told me that I'm only good to talk to when no one else is around. It's not like I'm a doormat either. I tell people no, people tell me I'm fun, but then they're gone the next minute. Well, what really kills me is a friend of mine who I've been friends with for 14 years. We went to middle school together and practically f***ing grew up together. We were best friends. I went to this high school that I actually liked and she was at a different school that she hated. I wanted to be with her so we transferred to the same high school. That was probably the biggest mistake of my life. On my own, I was really friendly and open to people. But she was very closed off and selective and I became that way when I was around her. I almost felt like I was being a hypocrite because I wasn't really like that, but her aura rubbed off on me.

Well, fast forward to a couple years ago. I knew this friend from my other high school and I introduced them together. They got along really well and hung out a lot. Then my friend met a guy through that girl and she fell in love with him. But he was really bad for her. Everybody tried telling her that, even him. He didn't want to be with her but she kept pushing. The girl that she met through me ended up back stabbing her and slept with her bf behind her back. I felt horrible for that as they met through me. But I try to get through the day so I tell myself she's an adult, and she made her own choices by choosing to be with that guy despite what everybody said. But during her deepest and darkest moments, I was always there for her even though she has ditched her friends for this guy before and I found it very annoying.

Fast forward to a couple months later. She's pregnant with his kid. She doesn't know what to do. I give her options. I tell her that if she wants an abortion, she's welcome to stay at my place so that her mom doesn't know. But whatever she decides, I will support her and be there for her. All her friends stop hanging out with her as much because in her words, they just see her as this "pregnant girl". I know she wasn't working and had a kid to support, so I pay for some of her food, I buy her kid some toys, etc. She even made me the kid's godmother and said that I was the most supportive out of everyone.

Fast forward to almost a year later when I'm out here on my own, I don't know anybody, I would kill to have a friend, and when I try to talk to her, she is distant. She has blocked me on FB and barely responds to my texts. I ask another mutual friend if she is still on FB because I felt like she has blocked me. The friend says she is still on FB and knows that she was cutting out people who were related to hurtful situations in her past. I'm thinking, that's full of BS. I was there for her the entire time, and she waits until I leave to cut me off. It seems like some kind of lame excuse.

At this point, I barely want to go back home, only to visit my family. How the F do you get over someone being hurtful to you over and over when all you've been in supportive? When you thought you were friends but they've only treated you like the dirt under their shoes.

I'm starting to think of situations where it's just been so unfair to me, such as when I show up late, she says she was going to leave if our other friend wasn't there. I say you're late all the time. And she says but that's your choice to wait for me. She's pretty much saying **** you, I don't give a **** about you.

I'm pretty much done with this person. I'm not going to stoop down and start cursing her and wishing bad things on her and her baby. Her baby is wonderful and that's probably the worse thing to leave me, but how people can be so cruel is just beyond me. This really makes me have no faith in human kind if this closest friend that I have had for the longest can do this to me.
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Old 09-01-2014, 06:29 PM
 
3,424 posts, read 3,328,706 times
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I hate to say this, but seemed as this so-called "friend" took your kindness as a sign of weakness.
I would forget about her, and move on. She is a hypocrite and a user, and now she has a kid by some guy who (it seems) doesn't give a damn about her - where's the kid's father, in all of this? Paying for her food, buying toys, etc is NOT your job!
Are you still in grad school? Finish out the semester, and maybe you can transfer to a school back home and complete your degree. As far as your other friends who "dropped" you, F them - do YOU! 'cause they're only gonna pull you backward. You need to move forward! You sound sincere, and I'm sure that before you realize, you'll have a new circle of friends!
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Old 09-01-2014, 07:55 PM
 
Location: 89052 & 75206
8,103 posts, read 8,284,205 times
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You are getting a higher education and have a bright future.

This other person is stuck with a baby.

You win.
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Old 09-01-2014, 08:16 PM
 
13,979 posts, read 25,889,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
You are getting a higher education and have a bright future.

This other person is stuck with a baby.

You win.
LOL! And perfectly put.
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Old 09-01-2014, 08:25 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 3,755,140 times
Reputation: 4103
Thanks, guys. I spoke with probably my only friend left in my home town and he said that she's probably just still mad at the guy and is taking it out on people she can actually hurt since she can't hurt him b/c he doesn't care about her. She does still sound angry about the whole thing and she sued him for child support and is thinking of ways to get him in jail and make him mad. I think that kind of thinking is beneath me. I will not be like her and try to hurt someone else just to make me feel better. I'm glad I can see light of this.

Now, not sure if I should send her an email telling her to not contact me again in case she needs a shoulder to cry on again, I don't want be a chump. Or if I should just ignore her next time she tries to contact me. I do forget and forgive easily.
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Old 09-01-2014, 08:41 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,367 posts, read 6,244,607 times
Reputation: 9889
Sorry this happened to you.

I had a similar situation where I was "dumped" by multiple bff of over 2 decades AND im the kid's godmother.

Your "friend" sounds stuck and immature. (Perhaps this is somewhat appropriate for her age? Idk) Making new friends is not easy!! But you sound intelligent and have enough "EQ" to make friends of your own caliber who will not hurt you.

If you haven't already, you will meet so many new people in grad school!
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Old 09-01-2014, 09:38 PM
 
4,043 posts, read 3,755,140 times
Reputation: 4103
Wow, I thought I had it bad! I feel like people like that eventually come crawling back in the cracks of darkness when you've already moved on and found your own way to be happy. I have always had a hard time making friends, I don't know why. It has always been easy for her to make friends so maybe that's why I'm the one treasuring our friendship while she takes me for granted.
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Old 09-01-2014, 10:04 PM
 
Location: California
37,097 posts, read 42,098,467 times
Reputation: 34962
Look forward, childhood friends aren't the best and most of us don't even have them. Yes, SOME PEOPLE DO and I get that, but the majority of people move on because they were really just friends because they didn't have many other choices as kids.

You are in grad school so focus on that and forget childish things with childish people. She would only drag you down and bring drama to your life anyway. And she probably will come crawling back at some point in the future. Work on you, work on getting better with people and friend making. It's a good skill to have.
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Old 09-02-2014, 09:16 AM
 
820 posts, read 1,206,971 times
Reputation: 1180
Sometimes you need to be a friend to yourself, and just focus on what's important. Cutting out all negativity is necessary for advancement.
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Old 09-02-2014, 09:43 AM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,574,545 times
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Sorry, but you sound very immature for someone who is now in grad school. Your post sounds like it is written by someone still in high school.

I know times have changed, I went to college in the 80s also on the other side of the country and had no problems making friends.

Sounds like you spend a lot of time on FB and texting vs. actual human contact.

I know this is unheard of these days, but how about striking up a conversation with someone in one of your classes, at the student union, join a study group, etc.

You're now in a different part of the country, start to make friends there.

As Ceece said most of us don't have childhood friends and they were your friends due to living in close proximity, now you have the opportunity to meet other people from all over the country and the world who are right on campus with you.

But again that means interacting with people in person.

Good luck.
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