U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-01-2014, 12:27 PM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,380,904 times
Reputation: 20439

Advertisements

Pray for a miracle?

It could happen even if the chance is infinitesimally small... sometimes a child forces a person to grow up.

I've seen it happen once...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:27 PM
 
4,649 posts, read 6,493,188 times
Reputation: 5395
Live your life and let your sister live hers. Just keep in the back of your mind her husband is the father of the child so don't expect to see little eggbert all that much. You can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Alaska
4,977 posts, read 4,526,634 times
Reputation: 7169
Sounds like something taken from a Soap Opera.

Let your Sister know exactly how you feel. She is an adult and will have to deal with the consequences for her actions/inactions. Unfortunately, in this case so will the child.

Once you have been firmly honest with her, hopefully, an adult dialogue will begin between the 2 of you. I believe that you want what is best for her but sometimes stepping back is the wisest decision after other options have been explored.

Hopefully, she will make better decisions in the future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Alaska
4,977 posts, read 4,526,634 times
Reputation: 7169
Another suggestion: after enough Thoughtful, Sympathetic and Empathetic replies have been posted to this Thread, share them with your Sister. You can cut and paste them into a Word document. Surely, sincere and objective responses will assist you when you and her talk.

Best wishes!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,441 posts, read 7,948,543 times
Reputation: 53584
I understand your feelings completely. I've driven myself crazy trying to understand my husbands family dynamic in our early years together and it was all for nothing. It was better for me to take 100 giant steps backwards and leave the family drama for him to deal with. He is far better equipped to handle it then I will ever be. You may need to do this with your sister. When we love someone we have a tendency to interject our belief system as to how they should live and breath. We often lack the insight into what their real needs are no matter how dysfunctional they become. There is nothing you can do about your sister's situation. You can only control your life and how you want to be treated. I am cordial to my husbands family but they remain light years out of my life. You can do this with your brother-in-law even if you're in the same room together. Teach him to respect your boundaries by keeping him light years out of your life as well. There are ways to work around the dysfunction. You just need to find the right formula.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:46 PM
 
3,765 posts, read 3,510,469 times
Reputation: 8938
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddie1278 View Post
After that I was going to press charges on him and he begged me not to because he would go to jail because of previous issues he had.
You should have pressed charges.

But on the other hand, this is on your sister. She made her bed, so let her sleep in it.

I have a sister who's become estranged from the family because of horrible choices she made in the kind of people she associated with. Worse than what your sister has done, much worse. There's nothing you can do for someone who has created some kind of bubble to live in. They won't hear criticism, they will go their own way regardless of what you say.

The best thing you can do is live your life well, and maybe put aside a college education fund for that poor kid who's going to grow up in an abusive and sad environment. Sorry all this happened to you and a loved one, but you have to put aside your feelings of responsibility and desire to fix her life, and move on with your own life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:46 PM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,864,475 times
Reputation: 4290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturen View Post
Sounds like something taken from a Soap Opera.

Let your Sister know exactly how you feel. She is an adult and will have to deal with the consequences for her actions/inactions. Unfortunately, in this case so will the child.

Once you have been firmly honest with her, hopefully, an adult dialogue will begin between the 2 of you. I believe that you want what is best for her but sometimes stepping back is the wisest decision after other options have been explored.

Hopefully, she will make better decisions in the future.
I have stepped back a long time ago over a decade ago after the assault. I only recently seen him at the lunch party about 9 months ago to celebrate the baby. I gave him a fake handshake and a fake congratulations I only did it so my sister wouldn't be upset. Also I would be the only one not there if I didn't show up.

Now that we are roughly weeks away from the baby being born and I'm thinking about all of this. Like i said she expects me and everyone else to be at the hospital during the birth. I do not want to go and see that guy at all buy I am thinking i will fake it one more time just so i dont stress my sister out that day with me being the only one not there.

After the birth that's it i am not going to be around that "father". Now he can post pictures on facebook of how is a new "father" and brag while i'm laughing in my mind that he is a deadbeat that can't even work to support his child.

I wouldn't feel like a man not working while my wife works and especially with a new child.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:50 PM
 
470 posts, read 701,650 times
Reputation: 547
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddie1278 View Post
I have stepped back a long time ago over a decade ago after the assault. I only recently seen him at the lunch party about 9 months ago to celebrate the baby. I gave him a fake handshake and a fake congratulations I only did it so my sister wouldn't be upset. Also I would be the only one not there if I didn't show up.

Now that we are roughly weeks away from the baby being born and I'm thinking about all of this. Like i said she expects me and everyone else to be at the hospital during the birth. I do not want to go and see that guy at all buy I am thinking i will fake it one more time just so i dont stress my sister out that day with me being the only one not there.

After the birth that's it i am not going to be around that "father". Now he can post pictures on facebook of how is a new "father" and brag while i'm laughing in my mind that he is a deadbeat that can't even work to support his child.

I wouldn't feel like a man not working while my wife works and especially with a new child.
You worry too much about what others think. If you don't want to be there, don't go. If your sister cares enough to ask why, you can tell her.
And why would you shake this #@$#%'s hand after he beat you up?

I would tell her exactly how I fell about this guy and why. If she can't accept that, then so be it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:52 PM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,864,475 times
Reputation: 4290
I think this thread is getting a tad off track thinking this is about me trying to tell her how to live. We are about 12 years too late for that. She has lived in her house with him for 10 years and the dated well before that.

This thread is mainly about what I SHOULD do on the day of the birth and after the baby is born.

Should i go to the hospital on the day of the birth? How do i react towards him at the hospital after the baby is born?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-01-2014, 01:58 PM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,864,475 times
Reputation: 4290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toto7SC View Post
You worry too much about what others think. If you don't want to be there, don't go. If your sister cares enough to ask why, you can tell her.
And why would you shake this #@$#%'s hand after he beat you up?

I would tell her exactly how I fell about this guy and why. If she can't accept that, then so be it.
I know i used the words beat me up but he didn't literally beat me up just punched me like 6 times in the back of the head. During the scuffle he dropped a switchblade on the floor. After i got up i busted out the front door and ran after him. He ran around his truck in circles afraid of me. I turned into the incredible hulk. You may get your hits in but watch out after i get up.

Anyway... you are right why would i shake his hand but like i said i did it once to make my sister happy. But you know what I'm human too i shouldn't have to change my thoughts to make someone else happy.

I told her years ago about him and she married him anyway.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top