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Old 09-01-2014, 02:03 PM
 
Location: S.E. Louisiana
120 posts, read 89,431 times
Reputation: 153

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Quote:
Originally Posted by eddie1278 View Post
Not only me but all of my family need to ask to go over. It's always a hassle and "i have to see what we are doing" "let me ask justin" She never asks any of us over. But now the baby is soon to arrive she wants my mom and us to come over and help her. Wants my mother to stay a few days.

Its justin that is controlling and not allowing people over im sure.

she is expecting me to be at the hospital with everyone at the birth.
It seems like things will be fine through the time of the birth and the "few days" your mother will be at your sister's home.

The big question is who will take care of the newborn when your sister's maternity leave ends (how long is her maternity leave?) and she has to return to work? Justin? Probably a bad idea even if for some reason he says he will. How available is your mother to babysit her grandchild when your sister returns to work? That would be ideal in that, primarily, the child is safe and well taken care of, and secondarily, you all get to see the child on a regular basis.

If not your mother, your sister may have to pay for daycare.

Of course it'll be your sister's call but it seems like she's making the right decisions now to have you and your family involved in the birth and the days after. Maybe she's figured out a way to lessen Justin's negative influence on her and all your lives. Is that possible do you think?
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Old 09-01-2014, 02:27 PM
 
Location: S.E. Louisiana
120 posts, read 89,431 times
Reputation: 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddie1278 View Post
I think this thread is getting a tad off track thinking this is about me trying to tell her how to live. We are about 12 years too late for that. She has lived in her house with him for 10 years and the dated well before that.

This thread is mainly about what I SHOULD do on the day of the birth and after the baby is born.

Should i go to the hospital on the day of the birth? How do i react towards him at the hospital after the baby is born?
Yes, go to the hospital. Act civil to the guy and no more.

If you can, try to convince your sister it would be best for everyone if she allows her family to see the baby often, even if it's at someplace other than her house with Justin. Maybe she'll be more willing to "push back" once she has the child but who knows with a controlling and abusive spouse.

I keep trying to think of a clever way for you and your family to "isolate" Justin (meaning Justin at his house while your sister and the baby are visiting at someone else's house), which could be easy since it seems he doesn't come over anyway and is happy being at his own house. But I keep coming back to the possibility of him not liking it or feeling manipulated and taking it out on your sister and baby. So, probably not a good idea.

It's too late to do anything about his assault on you BUT if you suspect Justin committing domestic violence on your sister, or God forbid, on the child..........DO NOT hesitate, call the law, right away. And consider some "backyard justice", starting by pounding him on the back of the head.
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Old 09-01-2014, 02:37 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,476 posts, read 3,314,870 times
Reputation: 13767
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddie1278 View Post
Not only me but all of my family need to ask to go over. It's always a hassle and "i have to see what we are doing" "let me ask justin" She never asks any of us over.
Even besides the scummy husband, there are plenty of people who just don't enjoy having visitors over. Is there some reason you need to invite yourself to her house to see her and the baby? Can you not ask her out to lunch or something? Or ask her to your house?
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Old 09-01-2014, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,940 posts, read 5,297,242 times
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It sounds like they have been together for quite awhile. Maybe they like their relationship. Though not common there are marriages where the woman is the only one to work.

I knew people that cleaned up their act after having kids. He may turn out to be a great dad.

Go to the hospital. Congratulate the dad. If he ever abuses the kid or your sister break his knees.
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Old 09-01-2014, 02:46 PM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,846,570 times
Reputation: 4290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
Even besides the scummy husband, there are plenty of people who just don't enjoy having visitors over. Is there some reason you need to invite yourself to her house to see her and the baby? Can you not ask her out to lunch or something? Or ask her to your house?
That's all we ever do is meet in public or where I live or my mothers house. She isn't the one not wanting us over it's him I guarantee it.

My mother wanted to drop off a bag of baby stuff on her door step while she was at work and she said "i dont want anyone dropping stuff off!!" because of justin im sure.
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Old 09-01-2014, 02:48 PM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,846,570 times
Reputation: 4290
Quote:
Originally Posted by NavyMustang View Post
Yes, go to the hospital. Act civil to the guy and no more.

If you can, try to convince your sister it would be best for everyone if she allows her family to see the baby often, even if it's at someplace other than her house with Justin. Maybe she'll be more willing to "push back" once she has the child but who knows with a controlling and abusive spouse.

I keep trying to think of a clever way for you and your family to "isolate" Justin (meaning Justin at his house while your sister and the baby are visiting at someone else's house), which could be easy since it seems he doesn't come over anyway and is happy being at his own house. But I keep coming back to the possibility of him not liking it or feeling manipulated and taking it out on your sister and baby. So, probably not a good idea.

It's too late to do anything about his assault on you BUT if you suspect Justin committing domestic violence on your sister, or God forbid, on the child..........DO NOT hesitate, call the law, right away. And consider some "backyard justice", starting by pounding him on the back of the head.
I think you gave the best advice so far. Act civil and NO MORE. I'm not shaking his hand and still thinking about saying congratulations.

but... the problem is i already shook his hand and congratulated him when they announced the baby. Damn i wish i could take that back!
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Old 09-01-2014, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,506,027 times
Reputation: 9889
I'd proceed as if everything is ''normal'' for her and for the baby's sake.

Ignore the creepy husband, but keep inviting her over and visit when she invites you.

Some day she may ''wake up'' and need her family to be there more than ever.

Don't risk not having a relationship with the child either. It's not their fault dad is a loser.

Be a great uncle or aunt. They will need you.
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Old 09-01-2014, 03:03 PM
 
Location: S.E. Louisiana
120 posts, read 89,431 times
Reputation: 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddie1278 View Post
I think you gave the best advice so far. Act civil and NO MORE. I'm not shaking his hand and still thinking about saying congratulations.

but... the problem is i already shook his hand and congratulated him when they announced the baby. Damn i wish i could take that back!
Don't sweat it or let it eat you up, man, ya can't take it back. That handshake was being civil and assertive and not letting him change your, I'm sure, usual courteous behavior.

Thanks for the complement about the best advice, but ummmmmm, I did mean for you to shake his hand and say congratulations at the hospital and "no more". bwahahahahahahaha. Go ahead, take back the complement, eddie.

And don't let him ruin the great event. You're going to be an UNCLE!
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Old 09-01-2014, 03:12 PM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,846,570 times
Reputation: 4290
Quote:
Originally Posted by NavyMustang View Post
Don't sweat it or let it eat you up, man, ya can't take it back. That handshake was being civil and assertive and not letting him change your, I'm sure, usual courteous behavior.

Thanks for the complement about the best advice, but ummmmmm, I did mean for you to shake his hand and say congratulations at the hospital and "no more". bwahahahahahahaha. Go ahead, take back the complement, eddie.

And don't let him ruin the great event. You're going to be an UNCLE!
ha! I'll just wing it and go with how I'll feel at that time. It's not about me anyway that day hopefully he will be so happy he forgets i'm in the room
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Old 09-01-2014, 03:18 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,476 posts, read 3,314,870 times
Reputation: 13767
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddie1278 View Post
That's all we ever do is meet in public or where I live or my mothers house. She isn't the one not wanting us over it's him I guarantee it.

My mother wanted to drop off a bag of baby stuff on her door step while she was at work and she said "i dont want anyone dropping stuff off!!" because of justin im sure.
If you're seeing plenty of her at places other than her house, why are you concerned about going over to her house? It could be that he has some dastardly reason for not wanting her family over, sure. It could also be that one or both of them just dislikes the hassles associated with company and with relatives feeling free to drop by whenever. Of all the issues going on here, this is not the one to fixate on, IMO.
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