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Old 09-01-2014, 09:37 AM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,843,540 times
Reputation: 4290

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My sister is about to have a baby she is due in a few weeks. She married one of the biggest low lifes i ever met. Honestly I hate even looking at the guy after all that has happened over the years.

To make a long story short I'm not sure what to do on my part when the baby arrives. Do you think it's wrong for me to stay away and not go when the baby is born?

Here is a little summary on the guy. He is 33 i think and my sister is 34 and I'm a 36 year old man. He hasn't worked in years, has a criminal history, smokes weed and drinks a lot at times. My sister has a great career and while she is working he is bumming at home smoking and spending her money. Years ago our family found out he physically abused her and he also assaulted me in a drunken rage years ago.

The assault on me happened about 12 years ago I'd say. After that I was going to press charges on him and he begged me not to because he would go to jail because of previous issues he had. I told him i wont press charges if he stayed away from my sister and he said fine. Fast forward about 5 years later and they got married alone in Hawaii then my sister bought a house. She makes close to 6 figures a year or more i'm sure and he makes a big whopping goose egg. He isn't disabled or anything.

Anyway i am just thinking now she is only weeks away from giving birth and I do NOT want to congratulate him at all even though I already gave him a fake congratulations 9 months ago on the announcement...I can't do it again.

I love my sister ofcorse but I really despise this guy. He is the last person on earth I would ever think would be a "father".

Our family can't even go over to the house without my sister asking him first. We have been over there 1 time in about 9 years and she lives a half hour away. She always comes to us. We always want to come over but my sister always says "let me talk it over with justin and see" She paid for that house and he provides nothing so she has to ask him?

Honestly my sister is very smart has a college degree and works in commercial banking but I don't know where her brain was choosing this guy...

I don't know what to do he makes me sick but I love my sister and don't want her to be upset. She also witnessed him assaulting me that day and ended up marrying him. That is also in the back of my mind. How could you marry a guy that beat up your brother? And no I didn't do anything to make him do that she knows she was there.

Crazy situation and I don't know what to do. I do know I'm 95% sure I want to just stay away and not be involved unless she brings the baby to visit me.
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Old 09-01-2014, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Columbus, OH
381 posts, read 509,452 times
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It sounds like she is an enabler. I would just stay away. Maybe call her and offer moral support if she ever needs it.

I feel bad for the child. This could be a very bad situation.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:07 AM
 
6,475 posts, read 9,921,802 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eddie1278 View Post

Crazy situation and I don't know what to do. I do know I'm 95% sure I want to just stay away and not be involved unless she brings the baby to visit me.
You're 100% right.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:14 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,077,467 times
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It is your sisters family if they are happy together that is it, he assault you but not your sister I hope. yeah nothing can do is more pain.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:22 AM
 
2,838 posts, read 4,153,930 times
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Sadly, your sister is as sick as he is. She knows the guy is a deadbeat yet she is bringing a child into this.

If she married the guy and you love your sister the best you can do is be supportive of your sister. Let her know you are there if she needs you but otherwise keep your distance.

Last edited by Charlotteborn; 09-01-2014 at 11:38 AM..
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:35 AM
 
14 posts, read 13,631 times
Reputation: 34
Default Blood is thicker than water.

But, when two people, regardless of their differences in personality, status, etc, do not need a relative judging them. There is nothing you can do to change a grown person's mind, especially if there is a strong chemistry bond between them. You have no legal rights or responsibility over your sister. You probably need to step back and take care of yourself and find somebody you would love to spend time with. If it is your ego that is driving your thoughts, then, step back. If it is genuine care for the welfare of your sister, then let her know that even though you do not agree with her choice in a man, you love her and will be there, when she needs emotional support. As far as the baby is concerned, she will bring it to you. Don't go looking for a fight with her husband.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:39 AM
 
4,787 posts, read 9,290,646 times
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This sounds like a situation you may not have to worry about. You said your sister has invited you to her home once in nine years. Then she's not likely to invite you to her home to see the baby.

Call her at the hospital when she has the baby to congratulate her and her alone. Then wait for her to bring the baby to your family. Otherwise I'd stay far away from her & her hubby.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:46 AM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,843,540 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
This sounds like a situation you may not have to worry about. You said your sister has invited you to her home once in nine years. Then she's not likely to invite you to her home to see the baby.

Call her at the hospital when she has the baby to congratulate her and her alone. Then wait for her to bring the baby to your family. Otherwise I'd stay far away from her & her hubby.
Not only me but all of my family need to ask to go over. It's always a hassle and "i have to see what we are doing" "let me ask justin" She never asks any of us over. But now the baby is soon to arrive she wants my mom and us to come over and help her. Wants my mother to stay a few days.

Its justin that is controlling and not allowing people over im sure.

she is expecting me to be at the hospital with everyone at the birth.
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Old 09-01-2014, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
4,826 posts, read 7,268,682 times
Reputation: 7662
Unfortunately, your sister is now tied to this piece of crap for the next 21 years. If she ever wakes up and divorces him, she will be paying him spousal support since she is the one making an income and he's a bum.

Your sister knows that what's happening is wrong. She certainly knows bringing a baby into this mess is wrong. She obviously has some brain matter if she is working in banking and making a 6 figure income (sadly, the sperm donor has brains enough to stay with her). She's allowing this to happen.

Question: What's going to happen when the baby arrives?? Is she going to leave it home with this druggie/drunk and risk the baby being neglected or, even worse, abused???

Your sister needs to wake the frig up. Unfortunately, like anything else, she will only realize the insanity of the situation when she finally hits "rock bottom" (and, sadly, it may involve the baby being hurt before she wakes up)
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Old 09-01-2014, 12:00 PM
 
2,746 posts, read 3,843,540 times
Reputation: 4290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amisi View Post
Unfortunately, your sister is now tied to this piece of crap for the next 21 years. If she ever wakes up and divorces him, she will be paying him spousal support since she is the one making an income and he's a bum.

Your sister knows that what's happening is wrong. She certainly knows bringing a baby into this mess is wrong. She obviously has some brain matter if she is working in banking and making a 6 figure income (sadly, the sperm donor has brains enough to stay with her). She's allowing this to happen.

Question: What's going to happen when the baby arrives?? Is she going to leave it home with this druggie/drunk and risk the baby being neglected or, even worse, abused???

Your sister needs to wake the frig up. Unfortunately, like anything else, she will only realize the insanity of the situation when she finally hits "rock bottom" (and, sadly, it may involve the baby being hurt before she wakes up)
i agree mostly but she would never let her child be harmed thats for sure. she just picked a bad boy loser like a lot of women do.
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