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Old 09-02-2014, 12:41 PM
 
Location: NYC
1,723 posts, read 3,379,754 times
Reputation: 2884

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I have the perfect solution!

Let her move in with you.

She's probably really lonely living so far away.

and as others have said.. his mom, his problem. Stay out of it.
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Old 09-02-2014, 12:41 PM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,223,064 times
Reputation: 17203
You are approaching a very serious life event with her being 78 now. Your boyfriend will be the responsible party in her care and some day it will only INCREASE and your entire life is potentially changing when it does.

I suggest you visit the Caregiving forum and read about it.

It's also possible that she is in early stages of dementia or something but since you didn't disclose ANYTHING other than the "phone call" and complaining/berating we can't guess.

But yeah, you're simply the girlfriend and the mom comes with the package. Emotionally, financially and for many many people - morally.

FIRST RULE of BOYFRIENDS: Stop trying to CHANGE THEM. AND their families.

If he wants your ~help he'll ask for it.
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Old 09-02-2014, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,653 posts, read 1,234,204 times
Reputation: 6066
Ever watched Everyone Loves Raymond? If so then you know how it works. If not, watch it. Mama's boys can be anyone at any age from all walks of life. You will not win this one!
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Old 09-02-2014, 12:50 PM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,086,217 times
Reputation: 4286
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
My boyfriend is 43 years old and a an officer in the Air Force, but, he still needs help with this His 78 year old needy widowed mother of 30 years ago called 5 and to 8 times a day and berates him or complains. She lives 1000 miles, away, but, he takes most of her calls and I'm telling him he needs to limit them since she isn't going to stop calling him as long as he answers and listens quietly on the other end. Is this wrong of me? I think he can at least limit her to one call a day for goodness sakes....
Do you at least have a heart? what does "family" mean to you? What I see is your ugly mind here. He is not even married you. And the mother is 78 year old and your boy friend is her son. Who else she can call when she need a help? How come you name her as needy widowed mother? how do you feel if some one call you the same? Yes I think something very wrong with you. If I were you instead of complaining that poor mother calling and still try to control, I would go there, make some tea for her, talk to her, spend time with her, if she need do the groceries I will do it too,may be some house hold cleaning iron her cloths vacuum her house,as we all do at or house, and be a helping hand. there is a day you come to that age, and you feel alone as your boy friend's mother feel to day at the moment, so learn to love people, family , neighbors, spread kindness, loyalty instead selfish respect less attitude that give you inner peace...Yeah that is me....
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Old 09-02-2014, 12:51 PM
 
Location: between three Great Lakes.
1,761 posts, read 1,950,799 times
Reputation: 5948
Get out of this relationship NOW. Unless, that is, you want to be saddled with an infirm in-law (ha) who will boss until she dies.
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Old 09-02-2014, 12:53 PM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,086,217 times
Reputation: 4286
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
You have to remember here that you are the girlfriend , not the wife and honestly if my spouse ever suggested to me that I need to limit my calls with my family , I would be looking for a new spouse . No one and I mean no one ever butts into my family relationship or anything to do btwn my family and me .If you want to run this fella off the way you are acting is a good way to do it .
agree
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Old 09-02-2014, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,927 posts, read 13,686,621 times
Reputation: 11615
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
My boyfriend is 43 years old and a an officer in the Air Force, but, he still needs help with this His 78 year old needy widowed mother of 30 years ago called 5 and to 8 times a day and berates him or complains. She lives 1000 miles, away, but, he takes most of her calls and I'm telling him he needs to limit them since she isn't going to stop calling him as long as he answers and listens quietly on the other end. Is this wrong of me? I think he can at least limit her to one call a day for goodness sakes....
She sounds lonely. Of course she's needy - she's an 78 yr old widow who lives 1000 miles from her son. Does she have other children or other family nearby? Does she have friends? Sounds unlikely. Have some compassion.
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Old 09-02-2014, 12:54 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,306,147 times
Reputation: 62061
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
My boyfriend is 43 years old and a an officer in the Air Force, but, he still needs help with this His 78 year old needy widowed mother of 30 years ago called 5 and to 8 times a day and berates him or complains. She lives 1000 miles, away, but, he takes most of her calls and I'm telling him he needs to limit them since she isn't going to stop calling him as long as he answers and listens quietly on the other end. Is this wrong of me? I think he can at least limit her to one call a day for goodness sakes....
What you think has no baring on what he thinks and does in regards to His Mother, stay out of it, none of your business.

If you don't like the calls find a new boyfriend.
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Old 09-02-2014, 12:55 PM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,086,217 times
Reputation: 4286
Quote:
Originally Posted by zenstyle View Post
get out of this relationship now. Unless, that is, you want to be saddled with an infirm in-law (ha) who will boss until she dies.
I like your point of view
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Old 09-02-2014, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,609 posts, read 25,051,280 times
Reputation: 20873
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayerdu View Post
Get out while you can. He will not change if he doesn't even see how screwed up this is. If he does see how screwed up this is, it will still be hard to change even after she dies....ever seen the movie psycho or watch the sopranos or everybody loves Raymond? He has a problem. You will not be able to fix it.

exactly .


it is not normal for a grown man to call his mother 5 times a day.
sorry, I would run for the hills.

you will never come first, his mother will.
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