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Old 09-02-2014, 10:06 AM
 
Location: MA
1,623 posts, read 1,339,480 times
Reputation: 3017

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My boyfriend is 43 years old and a an officer in the Air Force, but, he still needs help with this His 78 year old needy widowed mother of 30 years ago called 5 and to 8 times a day and berates him or complains. She lives 1000 miles, away, but, he takes most of her calls and I'm telling him he needs to limit them since she isn't going to stop calling him as long as he answers and listens quietly on the other end. Is this wrong of me? I think he can at least limit her to one call a day for goodness sakes....
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:09 AM
 
Location: U.S. (East Coast)
1,231 posts, read 1,051,917 times
Reputation: 2627
His life, his mother, his relationship with her and his choice. I'd suggest you stay out of it.

Put up with it or mind your own damn business.
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:09 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,656,752 times
Reputation: 39054
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
Is this wrong of me?
Very much so.
His relationship with his mother is determined by him, not you.
And, at his age, it is not likely to change.

If you cannot handle him taking phone calls, he is not the one for you.
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:11 AM
 
Location: MA
1,623 posts, read 1,339,480 times
Reputation: 3017
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Very much so.
His relationship with his mother is determined by him, not you.
And, at his age, it is not likely to change.

If you cannot handle him taking phone calls, he is not the one for you.

True, although he says he wishes she wouldn't call him so much.
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:13 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,656,752 times
Reputation: 39054
He tells you is what you want to hear.

But he continues to take the calls, and he does not tell her to call less.
Actions speak louder than words...
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,644 posts, read 33,439,851 times
Reputation: 32364
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
True, although he says he wishes she wouldn't call him so much.
He needs to do something about it then. If he won't, you have a decision to make.
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:19 AM
 
Location: MA
1,623 posts, read 1,339,480 times
Reputation: 3017
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
He needs to do something about it then. If he won't, you have a decision to make.

Oh goodness no it isn't a deal breaker I was just trying to help him out! It isn't that big a deal!!!
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,602 posts, read 25,018,574 times
Reputation: 20857
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
Oh goodness no it isn't a deal breaker I was just trying to help him out! It isn't that big a deal!!!

that would def be a deal breaker for me !!!
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:50 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,820 posts, read 18,794,708 times
Reputation: 24495
You have to remember here that you are the girlfriend , not the wife and honestly if my spouse ever suggested to me that I need to limit my calls with my family , I would be looking for a new spouse . No one and I mean no one ever butts into my family relationship or anything to do btwn my family and me .If you want to run this fella off the way you are acting is a good way to do it .
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Old 09-02-2014, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Texas
618 posts, read 517,083 times
Reputation: 1915
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormynh View Post
My boyfriend is 43 years old and a an officer in the Air Force, but, he still needs help with this His 78 year old needy widowed mother of 30 years ago called 5 and to 8 times a day and berates him or complains. She lives 1000 miles, away, but, he takes most of her calls and I'm telling him he needs to limit them since she isn't going to stop calling him as long as he answers and listens quietly on the other end. Is this wrong of me? I think he can at least limit her to one call a day for goodness sakes....
Get out while you can. He will not change if he doesn't even see how screwed up this is. If he does see how screwed up this is, it will still be hard to change even after she dies....ever seen the movie psycho or watch the sopranos or everybody loves Raymond? He has a problem. You will not be able to fix it.
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