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I hate seeing "monthly car payments" as part of the cost of owning a car. It is not a cost of owning a car. It is a cost of using debt to finance a car you can't afford.
PS. You were right to refuse to allow her to move in.
Thank you.
Contrary to popular belief, private cars are optional. People say they "need" their own car. But if that car was taken away and they had no way to get another one, they would have to make do with a bike or public transit like thousands of other people do everyday. Technically nobody "needs" their own private car. Regardless of their age or health. Living in a rural area where there is no public transportation is also optional. If you can't afford a car, then don't live some place where there is no public transit.
I have a feeling if it wasn't a car it would be something else she "had to have" that would take precedence over meeting her most basic obligations. If she doesn't have a car it's not likely someone would give her one. But if she's homeless, someone WILL give her a place to stay. So win/win from her perspective. I'm pretty soft-hearted toward people in financial need. I think we have a moral obligation to help each other. But there are limits. An able-bodied person refusing to use available public transportation because she "had to have" a car she can't afford would be one of them. Good for you for protecting your own interests. People who take advantage of others like this do not usually ever change.
Just for the record on the snarky remarks about how old this person is who expected the OP to take her in and support her...
Once you are over age 62 in this country, and if you are of a limited income, you qualify for amazing subsidized housing. She can get housing for only 30% of her income, easily.
No need to take her in and support her while she lives beyond her means.
I have always been the "one" who lives well on practically nothing. I can't tell you how many times my friends or relatives, who make WAY more than me, have hinted or asked outright for me to help them out with their finances.
For one friend, I told her there's nobody to bail me out when I get in trouble (true), and I don't have 2 full-time incomes like she does (true), but I would be happy to help her work out a budget, which I'm very good at. In fact, I think you and your husband should get rid of one of your two car/truck payments and carpool. That alone would fix the problem. Then next you should cut up the credit cards....
At this point, they basically glaze over, and you can see their mind trying to figure out who else they can hit up...
I refuse to be anyone's caregiver. I will be happy to meet them at a restaurant or coffee shop and to help them research their options for cheaper health care, affordable housing, food banks, whatever. But, they will NOT be moving in with me, and they will NOT be getting any money from me.
I have savings because I choose not to have car payments, or to go to movies, or to buy new clothes, or to smoke, or get tattoos, or any of the many number of things people I know do which causes them to be broke and then they look at me!
Hah! No way, Jose. You made that bed, now you lie in it. Even if that bed is now in the park.
Just for the record on the snarky remarks about how old this person is who expected the OP to take her in and support her...
Once you are over age 62 in this country, and if you are of a limited income, you qualify for amazing subsidized housing. She can get housing for only 30% of her income, easily.
No need to take her in and support her while she lives beyond her means.
Thank you NoMoreSnow.
The person's age was irrelevant. It's funny because the person who insisted that I disclose the age, said they needed to know because of "health issues". But when I told them that the person was healthy, they came back and said, "unless you have access to someone's medical records you don't know whether they're sick or not."LOL!!! I wasn't going to win with that person no matter what.
What IS important is this relative is an able-bodied person who is not mentally challenged. She just doesn't want to use public transit. End of story.
I have a family member who is on a fixed income thatincludes a pension and social security. It’s not a lot of money, but they get enough for all of the basics(food, shelter, electricity, cell phone, etc.). This family member purchased a car a few years ago. I thought that itwasn’t the best idea considering how expensive owning a car is. (Monthly carpayments, scheduled maintenance, break-downs, state registration, stateinspections… the list can go on and on).
As expected, this family member found herself in-over-her-headand unfortunately, the car was repo’d. To be honest, I was relieved. Buying the car was a bad idea in the firstplace. I live in a city with transit bus stops every half block. I told herthat the bank did her a favor buy taking the car. Now she has money forsomething that she actually needs, like FOOD.
Well, this family member wrote a multi-page letter to thebank begging and pleading to have the car returned. I was stunned, but they actually gave it backto her on the condition that she make two combined payments immediately.Somehow, she came up with the money and she got the car back.
That’s great, but one year later, she was back in the same situation. This time she opted to pay the car note instead of paying her rent. Which lead to her being without a place to live. She called me asking to move in and I said no. That didn’t go over too well at all,but I stuck to my guns. Plus there are other family members (who have crashed at her place multiple times) that she should have gone to first. But since I live alone in relative peace, I guess my place seemed the most appetizing.
Flash back to 11 years ago……
I was deeply in debt and felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. After wrestling with the decision for months, I decided to wash and detail my car. Then I drove it to the bank and handed them the keys. I used public transportation for the next 2.5 years. I didn’t call anybody asking for money or a place to live in order to keep my car. I didn’t feel right calling other people for money or shelter just so that I could hold on to a luxury item. I was woman enough to buy a car that I really couldn’t afford, so I had to be woman enough to take it back.
There are thousands of people who live quite well without a car, even some people who are well off financially. This family member might think that I’m the spawn of satan for not allowing her to move in with me, but I think that the lesson to be learned here is that you don’t put a car ahead of a roof over your head when there is a bus stop right outside of your front door. It isn’t worth it. I love having a car, but I don’t want to live in it
Am I wrong for this? (This family member has since found a place to stay.)
P.S.
Yes, I have made a previous post about my family members. There is a spirit of mediocrity that has been in my family for many, many years. I’m making a serious effort to get a job out of state. I think that the distance would actually improve my relationship with them, plus it might grow me up a little more being away from my home town after 40+ years of living in oneplace.
That is exactly how my list is set up. I own a car, but I'm not going to make it a priority over shelter, food, lights or medicine (when needed). God gave me two good legs.
That is exactly how my list is set up. I own a car, but I'm not going to make it a priority over shelter, food, lights or medicine (when needed). God gave me two good legs.
I like a roof over my head too much to value a car over a place to live.
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