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Old 09-05-2014, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,127 posts, read 3,475,226 times
Reputation: 9792

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Quote:
Originally Posted by amylewis View Post
Well whether a car or a place to live is more important depends quite heavily on one's situation, and whether the car is purchased for cash outright. Making car payments under such circumstances can become impossible.

A used car in good condition paid for in cash can be quite an asset. I know one woman who ended up living out of her car. Personally I would prefer a van, with more sleeping room.

If you have access to public mass transit, a car becomes less important, if you don't, well a car may be just as vital as a place to live, and may well become your house. Certainly a much less than idea situation, but if it comes to that at least you have shelter for the nights, and if you still have a job you have gas money. It all really depends on how bad things get for you.
This pretty much sums up my thoughts.

Last edited by HappyDogToday; 09-05-2014 at 08:33 PM..
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Old 09-05-2014, 08:40 PM
 
16,988 posts, read 20,556,164 times
Reputation: 33950
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScoopSeeker View Post
"No, you came off as "superior" because you turned in your car to the bank and you felt she should have done the same."

I never said that I expected her to turn anything in. It's none of my business whatsoever how long she keeps it, as long as I'm not expected to finance her decision.

"Not sure that I believe you that you got the car detailed before turning it in(washed maybe, detailed no), I mean why would someone be doing that, in fact if you go to the trouble to get it detailed you would do that if you were trying to sell the car, not turn it back in."

I called the bank ahead of time and they instructed me on the proper procedure for "surrendering" a vehicle that was purchased brand new. I followed it to the letter. The processes wasn't as bad as I thought, because I was cooperative and I did what they told me to do. They could have sued me if they wanted to. Taking the car back clean is a small price to pay in comparison.

Things never got nasty, because I didn't ignore them. I was actually able to walk away with most of my dignity in tact. Did they still put a "repo" on my credit? You bet. But I earned that buy making a huge financial decision without thinking it through.

"And be honest, you only turned the car back into the bank because they were coming for it anyway."

Why would I take it back if I wasn't having problems making the payments? Yes. Had I ignored them, they most certainly would have come and gotten it.

"How old is this woman and how is her health?"

Nobody in my family is sick. In fact, I've got them all beat when it comes to hospital visits in the past 10 years.


I do appreciate your detailed reply.

I notice you didn't answer the question when I asked how old she was. Are we talking a senior citizen who may have a hard time getting around or can't stand for long waiting for buses? That's why they won't give up the car, not because they think they're too good for mass transit.

And unless you have access to someone's medical records you don't know whether they're sick or not.

Not everyone goes around sharing how many times they have been in the hospital or if they're seriously ill.

How many family/ friends are shocked to find out someone who passed had terminal cancer and never said a word, so to say no one in your family is sick is quite flippant.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
I was thinking the same thing. It must be hard to be the sister to someone so perfect. Give some thought to developing empathy and compassion. And, call me stupid, but no family member of mine will ever be on the street as long as I have a couch.......I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I hope things turn out...sister's are priceless.....
I agree, while it is frustrating to see someone making bad choices, unless they're a sociopath and/or dangerous I would have hard time sleeping at night knowing a family member is homeless.
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Old 09-05-2014, 08:48 PM
 
114 posts, read 108,579 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
I was thinking the same thing. It must be hard to be the sister to someone so perfect. Give some thought to developing empathy and compassion. And, call me stupid, but no family member of mine will ever be on the street as long as I have a couch.......I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I hope things turn out...sister's are priceless.....
Thank you so much for your reply, although I don't recall mentioning a sister in any of my posts.

Perhaps we define empathy and compassion differently and you are certainly entitled to what that word means to you. Choosing not to allow a family member to move in with me who can have a roof over their head the second they decide to let one material item go, does not show a lack of compassion.

I have been very transparent about my own financial missteps in my post. So being perfect isn't something that I ever claimed to be. I learned a lot about myself when I had to let my car go. The most important of which is that life goes on. Having a car or not having a car isn't going to stop me from doing anything that I want in this life. Nor would it stop them.

Although, I am the youngest in my family, I can count on one hand how many times I have received any assistance from them, yet many more resources have come out of my household in their direction than the other way around.... and some of these family members have 4-year degrees and I only have a high school diploma.

So yes, I'll do what I can, when I can. But I draw the line at them moving in with me. Not when they are not willing to use public transportation TEMPORARILY while they get their finances straightened out.

Thank you for your response and have a nice evening.
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Old 09-05-2014, 08:57 PM
 
16,022 posts, read 19,521,297 times
Reputation: 26175
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScoopSeeker View Post
Thank you for your reply.

I think "superiority" is feeling as if you are too good use public transportation. I've used it plenty of times and will do it again if I have to.

If my family members are too good to ride the bus (when I have done it the majority of my adult life), then who's the one acting superior?

I'm the youngest in my family and I'm a woman. I've waited for buses well after dark for years on end. And I'm the one being superior, because I won't allow a family member to move in with me who chooses to pay for a car instead of a place to live, because riding the bus inconvenient?

Um, okay. I do appreciate your reply.
Here's the post where you identify her as a family member, process of elimination.....I gave you my opinion....take it or leave it....But, you wouldn't be posting about it if you didn't have some doubts about your choice....If you can live with it, I certainly can Good luck to you.
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:19 PM
 
114 posts, read 108,579 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
I notice you didn't answer the question when I asked how old she was. Are we talking a senior citizen who may have a hard time getting around or can't stand for long waiting for buses? That's why they won't give up the car, not because they think they're too good for mass transit.

And unless you have access to someone's medical records you don't know whether they're sick or not.

Not everyone goes around sharing how many times they have been in the hospital or if they're seriously ill.

How many family/ friends are shocked to find out someone who passed had terminal cancer and never said a word, so to say no one in your family is sick is quite flippant.


I agree, while it is frustrating to see someone making bad choices, unless they're a sociopath and/or dangerous I would have hard time sleeping at night knowing a family member is homeless.

Thank you for your response.

I never said that it was an easy decision. This is a situation that has gone on for quite some time and unfortunately I can't be the one to come to the rescue. (They did find a place.)

What if I said that the family member was 25? How about 55? How about 75? How about 105? Is it going to make a deference to anybody here who thinks I should let them move in with me? Probably not.

This reminds we of a conversation that I had with a friend who was working in the U.S. on a visa. Somewhere I mentioned in the conversation how I'd like to win the lottery. He looked at me and said, "You've already won the lottery. You were born in the U.S.". I've never forgotten that. This guy wasn't from some third world country and even he envied how good we have it here. He often laughed about some of the things that we think we can't live without.

Stress kills more people than anything else. So even if this person were sick, desperately trying to hold on to something that she can't afford can't be any worse than riding the bus the few times a week that she goes out. Years ago, I used public transportation while being sick.... and one of my doctors was a cardiologist. Being able to cut my hours back was a blessing. If I had a car note and car insurance to pay, I might not have been able to do that. I rented a car for a day or two if I felt like I just had to have one.

And where I live, almost all of our bus stops have enclosed benches. Are buses a little less convenient? Yes. But by buying (or holding onto) a car that you can't afford, you're just swapping a one problem for another.

Well, thanks for responding. Have a good evening.

Last edited by ScoopSeeker; 09-05-2014 at 10:11 PM..
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:26 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,895,889 times
Reputation: 62014
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScoopSeeker View Post
Thank you for the encouragement. Just like when some married people are better when they separate. I think that I'll have a better relationship with my family from a distance. I've gotten way too comfortable in my home town. And you can rarely grow when you're comfortable.

Thanks again.
The one thing I have learned throughout my 53 years on this astral plane is that sometimes even a 5 hour drive is too close but then there are those times that the same 5 hour drive isn't close enough to family.

Keep that in mind at some point, it may come in handy to think about from time to time.
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:32 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,895,889 times
Reputation: 62014
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
I was thinking the same thing. It must be hard to be the sister to someone so perfect. Give some thought to developing empathy and compassion. And, call me stupid, but no family member of mine will ever be on the street as long as I have a couch.......I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I hope things turn out...sister's are priceless.....


I thought the very same thing for a long time but at some point when your alcoholic drug dependent Brother sells everything he has just to get a drink and a toke it changes one's perspective a lot.

I can and have turned him away and told him no and I do not regret my decision to do so.


If you want to allow yourself to be taken advantage of, stolen from, lied to and treated like yesterday's trash you go right ahead but I will not allow that in our home, I don't care who you are or why you are homeless.
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:37 PM
 
16,022 posts, read 19,521,297 times
Reputation: 26175
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I thought the very same thing for a long time but at some point when your alcoholic drug dependent Brother sells everything he has just to get a drink and a toke it changes one's perspective a lot.

I can and have turned him away and told him no and I do not regret my decision to do so.


If you want to allow yourself to be taken advantage of, stolen from, lied to and treated like yesterday's trash you go right ahead but I will not allow that in our home, I don't care who you are or why you are homeless.
I agree with you about your brother. I certainly wouldn't volunteer for that. But, I was responding to the OP, and no where did she say her female relative was like you describe. Sounds like she is in a living space, so it is a mute point
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:42 PM
 
114 posts, read 108,579 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I thought the very same thing for a long time but at some point when your alcoholic drug dependent Brother sells everything he has just to get a drink and a toke it changes one's perspective a lot.

I can and have turned him away and told him no and I do not regret my decision to do so.


If you want to allow yourself to be taken advantage of, stolen from, lied to and treated like yesterday's trash you go right ahead but I will not allow that in our home, I don't care who you are or why you are homeless.
Tell us how you really feel, why don't you!

Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do for somebody is to say no. I know that's not a popular opinion, but I think it's true. I've grown more as person from the no's in my life than the yes's. It's made me into a more resourceful person. And it's also forced me to rethink my need for what I was asking for in the first place. I've dodged a lot of bullets by people saying "no" to me.

Thanks for your post.
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:44 PM
 
114 posts, read 108,579 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
The one thing I have learned throughout my 53 years on this astral plane is that sometimes even a 5 hour drive is too close but then there are those times that the same 5 hour drive isn't close enough to family.

Keep that in mind at some point, it may come in handy to think about from time to time.
I will, CD. Thanks.
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