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Old 09-05-2014, 09:38 AM
 
114 posts, read 109,844 times
Reputation: 110

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I have a family member who is on a fixed income thatincludes a pension and social security. It’s not a lot of money, but they get enough for all of the basics(food, shelter, electricity, cell phone, etc.). This family member purchased a car a few years ago. I thought that itwasn’t the best idea considering how expensive owning a car is. (Monthly carpayments, scheduled maintenance, break-downs, state registration, stateinspections… the list can go on and on).

As expected, this family member found herself in-over-her-headand unfortunately, the car was repo’d. To be honest, I was relieved. Buying the car was a bad idea in the firstplace. I live in a city with transit bus stops every half block. I told herthat the bank did her a favor buy taking the car. Now she has money forsomething that she actually needs, like FOOD.

Well, this family member wrote a multi-page letter to thebank begging and pleading to have the car returned. I was stunned, but they actually gave it backto her on the condition that she make two combined payments immediately.Somehow, she came up with the money and she got the car back.

That’s great, but one year later, she was back in the same situation. This time she opted to pay the car note instead of paying her rent. Which lead to her being without a place to live. She called me asking to move in and I said no. That didn’t go over too well at all,but I stuck to my guns. Plus there are other family members (who have crashed at her place multiple times) that she should have gone to first. But since I live alone in relative peace, I guess my place seemed the most appetizing.


Flash back to 11 years ago……

I was deeply in debt and felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. After wrestling with the decision for months, I decided to wash and detail my car. Then I drove it to the bank and handed them the keys. I used public transportation for the next 2.5 years. I didn’t call anybody asking for money or a place to live in order to keep my car. I didn’t feel right calling other people for money or shelter just so that I could hold on to a luxury item. I was woman enough to buy a car that I really couldn’t afford, so I had to be woman enough to take it back.

There are thousands of people who live quite well without a car, even some people who are well off financially. This family member might think that I’m the spawn of satan for not allowing her to move in with me, but I think that the lesson to be learned here is that you don’t put a car ahead of a roof over your head when there is a bus stop right outside of your front door. It isn’t worth it. I love having a car, but I don’t want to live in it

Am I wrong for this? (This family member has since found a place to stay.)

P.S.

Yes, I have made a previous post about my family members. There is a spirit of mediocrity that has been in my family for many, many years. I’m making a serious effort to get a job out of state. I think that the distance would actually improve my relationship with them, plus it might grow me up a little more being away from my home town after 40+ years of living in oneplace.

Last edited by ScoopSeeker; 09-05-2014 at 09:47 AM..
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Old 09-05-2014, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Cape Coma Florida
1,369 posts, read 1,859,622 times
Reputation: 2929
Well whether a car or a place to live is more important depends quite heavily on one's situation, and whether the car is purchased for cash outright. Making car payments under such circumstances can become impossible.

A used car in good condition paid for in cash can be quite an asset. I know one woman who ended up living out of her car. Personally I would prefer a van, with more sleeping room.

If you have access to public mass transit, a car becomes less important, if you don't, well a car may be just as vital as a place to live, and may well become your house. Certainly a much less than idea situation, but if it comes to that at least you have shelter for the nights, and if you still have a job you have gas money. It all really depends on how bad things get for you.
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Old 09-05-2014, 10:07 AM
 
5,574 posts, read 5,833,230 times
Reputation: 16489
Outside of whether or not you allow this family member to move in to your place, none of this is your concern. She's an adult. She will make her own decisions and deal with the consequences of those decisions.

So you made better choices. So what? Reeking of moral superiority doesn't become anyone.
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Old 09-05-2014, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,374 posts, read 12,124,717 times
Reputation: 16623
Food, shelter and clothing always the most imp.
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Old 09-05-2014, 10:43 AM
 
5,866 posts, read 5,719,488 times
Reputation: 5221
Just don't bail her out of your own hard earned money. let her learn from life's lessons. What? She's your sister? yes, too bad. Do not bail her out or listen to her sob story and give her money (unless its like $30 or something little). maybe not even that.
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Old 09-05-2014, 10:43 AM
 
114 posts, read 109,844 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by amylewis View Post
Well whether a car or a place to live is more important depends quite heavily on one's situation, and whether the car is purchased for cash outright. Making car payments under such circumstances can become impossible.

A used car in good condition paid for in cash can be quite an asset. I know one woman who ended up living out of her car. Personally I would prefer a van, with more sleeping room.

If you have access to public mass transit, a car becomes less important, if you don't, well a car may be just as vital as a place to live, and may well become your house. Certainly a much less than idea situation, but if it comes to that at least you have shelter for the nights, and if you still have a job you have gas money. It all really depends on how bad things get for you.
Thank you for your response. I did state in the post that (a) she is making car payments and (b) there are a multitude of transit stops all over town, every half block, even outside of her front door.

Last edited by ScoopSeeker; 09-05-2014 at 10:55 AM..
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Old 09-05-2014, 10:52 AM
 
114 posts, read 109,844 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by apexgds View Post
Outside of whether or not you allow this family member to move in to your place, none of this is your concern. She's an adult. She will make her own decisions and deal with the consequences of those decisions.

So you made better choices. So what? Reeking of moral superiority doesn't become anyone.
Thank you for your reply.

I think "superiority" is feeling as if you are too good use public transportation. I've used it plenty of times and will do it again if I have to.

If my family members are too good to ride the bus (when I have done it the majority of my adult life), then who's the one acting superior?

I'm the youngest in my family and I'm a woman. I've waited for buses well after dark for years on end. And I'm the one being superior, because I won't allow a family member to move in with me who chooses to pay for a car instead of a place to live, because riding the bus inconvenient?

Um, okay. I do appreciate your reply.

Last edited by ScoopSeeker; 09-05-2014 at 11:05 AM..
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Old 09-05-2014, 10:52 AM
 
537 posts, read 994,581 times
Reputation: 1264
I would have done the same. I sold my car two years ago and am happy with public transportation, but my needs and wants are different than others. If someone feels like a car is what they need and would rather have a car than a place to live, I can only respectfully decline when they ask to move in with me. Some people don't learn from their mistakes, nor do they want to. I'm only wasting my time when I give it any more thought.
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Old 09-05-2014, 11:02 AM
 
114 posts, read 109,844 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by drunkwithwords View Post
I would have done the same. I sold my car two years ago and am happy with public transportation, but my needs and wants are different than others. If someone feels like a car is what they need and would rather have a car than a place to live, I can only respectfully decline when they ask to move in with me. Some people don't learn from their mistakes, nor do they want to. I'm only wasting my time when I give it any more thought.
Good words of wisdom. I probably shouldn't waist my time concerning myself with it. Everybody's priorities are different and I can choose to support someone else's priorities or I can choose not to.

Thanks for that short but sweet reply.
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Old 09-05-2014, 11:08 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,221,218 times
Reputation: 62050
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScoopSeeker View Post
I have a family member who is on a fixed income thatincludes a pension and social security. Itís not a lot of money, but they get enough for all of the basics(food, shelter, electricity, cell phone, etc.). This family member purchased a car a few years ago. I thought that itwasnít the best idea considering how expensive owning a car is. (Monthly carpayments, scheduled maintenance, break-downs, state registration, stateinspectionsÖ the list can go on and on).

As expected, this family member found herself in-over-her-headand unfortunately, the car was repoíd. To be honest, I was relieved. Buying the car was a bad idea in the firstplace. I live in a city with transit bus stops every half block. I told herthat the bank did her a favor buy taking the car. Now she has money forsomething that she actually needs, like FOOD.

Well, this family member wrote a multi-page letter to thebank begging and pleading to have the car returned. I was stunned, but they actually gave it backto her on the condition that she make two combined payments immediately.Somehow, she came up with the money and she got the car back.

Thatís great, but one year later, she was back in the same situation. This time she opted to pay the car note instead of paying her rent. Which lead to her being without a place to live. She called me asking to move in and I said no. That didnít go over too well at all,but I stuck to my guns. Plus there are other family members (who have crashed at her place multiple times) that she should have gone to first. But since I live alone in relative peace, I guess my place seemed the most appetizing.


Flash back to 11 years agoÖÖ

I was deeply in debt and felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. After wrestling with the decision for months, I decided to wash and detail my car. Then I drove it to the bank and handed them the keys. I used public transportation for the next 2.5 years. I didnít call anybody asking for money or a place to live in order to keep my car. I didnít feel right calling other people for money or shelter just so that I could hold on to a luxury item. I was woman enough to buy a car that I really couldnít afford, so I had to be woman enough to take it back.

There are thousands of people who live quite well without a car, even some people who are well off financially. This family member might think that Iím the spawn of satan for not allowing her to move in with me, but I think that the lesson to be learned here is that you donít put a car ahead of a roof over your head when there is a bus stop right outside of your front door. It isnít worth it. I love having a car, but I donít want to live in it

Am I wrong for this? (This family member has since found a place to stay.)

P.S.

Yes, I have made a previous post about my family members. There is a spirit of mediocrity that has been in my family for many, many years. Iím making a serious effort to get a job out of state. I think that the distance would actually improve my relationship with them, plus it might grow me up a little more being away from my home town after 40+ years of living in one place.

Anytime you make a decision that is right for you it is not the wrong decision, no matter what anyone else thinks about it or how upset family members are that you won't allow their bad choices to affect your good judgment.

I wish you luck finding a job out of state and if you had the right qualifications I could put you to work no later than Wednesday of next week.

Good for you for saying no and keeping yourself out of a situation that could have ended much worse than you telling her no.
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