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Old 09-07-2014, 01:03 PM
 
5,702 posts, read 16,145,817 times
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Yes, I think this happens and I have seen it but only in within female relationships. Many years ago I worked for a non profit organization (all female workers) and they hired a lovely and beautiful young woman. No one liked her. I couldn't figure out why except that she was attractive. She was very down to earth and I am sure she realized she was not ugly but I don't think she really felt she was beautiful. I stopped by her house one time to drop off some paperwork. She was in the mist of painting her home. She had on a ripped t-shirt and paint splattered clothes. We could trade outfits and I would look homeless in her attire but she remained beautiful. She asked me once why no one seemed to like her and I told her flat out because she was beautiful. She was shocked and laughed, then looked kind of sad about it. She truly didnt feel she was better than anyone else. It didnt help when she married her boyfriend who was equally gorgeous. She later left for a better position somewhere else. She was beautiful, elegant, intelligent and had a excellent education. I wished her well.

I am of average looks and intelligence. No one has treated me differently except when it comes to thinking I have a perfect marriage. I am shocked at how many have said to this me (only women). I don't have a perfect marriage by any means. A happy one yes, but not perfect. My brother's ex wife never liked me. I could tell by the way she treated me or would purposely exclude me from things. One night after too much to drink, she made a nasty comment and I asked her why she didnt like me. She confessed it was tough being around me because I have a perfect marriage and hers is not. I advised her that my marriage was by no means perfect. I actually found it comical. She started saying how my husband surprised me with gifts and other things. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. It was all in her head. So that is pretty much how I view situations like this. It has nothing to do with the person being pushed as an outcast. It has to do with the insecurities of the those doing the pushing.
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Old 09-07-2014, 03:45 PM
 
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
2,767 posts, read 2,295,048 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post

I am of average looks and intelligence. No one has treated me differently except when it comes to thinking I have a perfect marriage. I am shocked at how many have said to this me (only women). I don't have a perfect marriage by any means. A happy one yes, but not perfect. My brother's ex wife never liked me. I could tell by the way she treated me or would purposely exclude me from things. One night after too much to drink, she made a nasty comment and I asked her why she didnt like me. She confessed it was tough being around me because I have a perfect marriage and hers is not. I advised her that my marriage was by no means perfect. I actually found it comical. She started saying how my husband surprised me with gifts and other things. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. It was all in her head. So that is pretty much how I view situations like this. It has nothing to do with the person being pushed as an outcast. It has to do with the insecurities of the those doing the pushing.
I find it revealing when you tell people you have a crummy life they warm up to you. Just complain about your life. It's the best way to make friends no matter what you look like. Just don't complain about something you have an obvious advantage in.
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Old 09-07-2014, 03:55 PM
 
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
2,767 posts, read 2,295,048 times
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Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Oh my! You're smart and good-looking so life is HARDER for you? If that were the case then smart and attractive wouldn't be POSITIVE terms in the English language, would they? Perhaps your personality is lacking?
You can never have enough information on a stranger to make that determination.

Some people have disadvantages that can't be readily observed.
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Old 09-07-2014, 04:54 PM
 
148 posts, read 170,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shankapotomus View Post
Can attractive people ever be victims of a social double whammy where they are too attractive to be approached when liked by someone and too attractive to be liked or befriended by other people who struggle with being overshadowed in any way by someone else?
No, sometimes it can be their behavior or simply body odor.
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Old 09-07-2014, 04:56 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,162 posts, read 70,090,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shankapotomus View Post
Some people have disadvantages that can't be readily observed.
This. Some people are carrying around unresolved baggage from when they were kids that causes them to react in strange ways, or causes them to think everyone's out to put them down, or whatever. It's a mine field out there, to some extent.
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Old 09-07-2014, 05:00 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,162 posts, read 70,090,509 times
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Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy View Post
I state for the record that I would rather be with someone who has a 100 IQ but uses all of it to the best of her ability, than to be with someone who has an IQ far exceeding mine but acts like a moron. (I've known both types of people. It really is true that stupid is as stupid does.) I did actually once date a woman whose IQ was a mere one point beneath mine and she was one of the most conniving and subversive ladies I've ever met. I don't know my wife's IQ and I probably never will... but I don't care. As long as she uses what she has to the best of her ability, and defers to me on anything requiring more brain power than what she can put forth, we'll do fine. She probably isn't as "smart" as I am but she has magical powers... especially in the kitchen... and when it comes to brains, I have never met someone with as good a memory as she has. If I have her beat in "intelligence quotient", she certainly blows me away in "memory quotient". I sure do defer to her memory on a regular basis... so it all balances out.
Memory is an important component of intelligence! And, of course, just because someone's highly intelligent doesn't mean they're a nice person, or that they're emotionally stable. So it's wise to consider other priorities.

P.S. You can Google the Meyers-Briggs test, and take a shorter version online for free.
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Old 09-07-2014, 05:04 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 2,833,712 times
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Originally Posted by Shankapotomus View Post
Does anyone ever get the sense people, whether strangers or siblings, are denying you help and/or attention and support because they think you don't need or deserve it based on your looks or intelligence, even though you've never seen yourself that way?

Have any of your siblings (or even parents) tried to sabotage your life or just been an unhelpful family member because they were struggling with jealousy toward you and fears of being "eclipsed" by you?

Do strangers seem to have a perceptibly difficult and unexplainable hard time processing your presence when first meeting you and you could never figure out why until someone suggested to you it's because you're attractive or because you sound intelligent?

Can attractive people ever be victims of a social double whammy where they are too attractive to be approached when liked by someone and too attractive to be liked or befriended by other people who struggle with being overshadowed in any way by someone else?

Interested in reading people's experiences.
Sounds like the problem can be found with the common denominator. Guess what that is?

YOU.
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Old 09-07-2014, 07:00 PM
 
5 posts, read 15,310 times
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Discounting sexual harassment issues, I can pinpoint one instance where I was adversely affected professionally due to being "attractive", but quite a few instances where it worked in my favor. Everybody has their own set of challenges, both real and internal struggles. If I were you I wouldn't be too quick to internalize some idea that you're discriminated against because you are "better."

As far as having fewer friends based on intelligence, yeah, maybe that's the case, but 1) why would you want to be friends with people considerably dumber than you (and why would they want to hang around you talking gibberish at them) 2) you might want to try using your superior intellect to create a more approachable persona. I'm quite serious.
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Old 09-09-2014, 08:53 PM
 
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A person who thinks they are hated because they are smarter or more attractive than others is most likely hated because they are a self-absorbed jerk.
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Old 09-11-2014, 04:22 PM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,729,384 times
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Originally Posted by yellowbelle View Post
A person who thinks they are hated because they are smarter or more attractive than others is most likely hated because they are a self-absorbed jerk.
Actually people are hated or at least ostracized for these reasons all the time. It's a good idea to take a hard look at oneself before coming to that conclusion though.
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