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Old 09-09-2014, 03:49 AM
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,495,349 times
Reputation: 29030


Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I have been to many funerals. Never saw any ex in-laws.

You really don't have a connection through your daughter. I don't know why people always say that. Your daughter is the only one with a connection. Even if she asked you to attend I would explain to the daughter why it wouldn't be appropriate.
I have.

I know exes (more than one couple) who go on vacation together. I have divorced friends who drove across three huge western states together last weekend to take their son to college. And they even have a rather acrimonious divorce. But they set their differences aside to help their son with his big move.

I have no doubt all of these people would attend their ex-inlaw's funerals. One of my relatives phoned his ex-wife with a condolence call when he heard the dog they had bought together 15 years before died.

People can be very nice in times of sorrow.
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Old 09-09-2014, 04:22 AM
Location: South Carolina
13,779 posts, read 18,681,251 times
Reputation: 24334
I am also in the just send a card camp it is better that way since you really don't have a relationship with these people anymore it Is just better to send a card .
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Old 09-09-2014, 05:12 AM
Location: Places you dream of
20,061 posts, read 12,033,509 times
Reputation: 8696
I went stayed in the back of the church, spoke to all and supported my kids
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Old 09-09-2014, 05:21 AM
Status: "Things change. Can I?" (set 20 days ago)
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,563,617 times
Reputation: 3810
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33 View Post
I just found out that my first husband's father has cancer, a fairly bad type and is undergoing treatment but the outlook is not good and I don't know if he will live out the year.

I have no real relationship with my ex in-laws, and my ex-husband and I do not communicate with any regularity. Our daughter is an adult now so there really isn't anything to communicate about, plus we have been divorced for 15 years. There's no animosity, just no relationship at all. I like my former sister's in law well enough and we are friends on FB, but they both live far away so it is not as though we get together.

I guess I don't know my place here, if I should go to the wake at least. I would go and support my daughter, of course, but she will have all of her other family there. I just wonder if I should put in an appearance to pay my respects.

What would you do? What have you done when the situation has come up?
No question absolutely.
People need support at these times.
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Old 09-09-2014, 11:19 AM
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
15,690 posts, read 26,659,739 times
Reputation: 20257
I would not go. I don't see the point.
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Old 09-09-2014, 01:01 PM
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,066 posts, read 8,324,253 times
Reputation: 11535
If your daughter wants you to go then I think you should. Otherwise you're just going to have to follow your heart. I was VERY close to my former in-laws. They were like second parents to me and they were disappointed with their son that things didn't work out, but he's their son and they love him as they should. We kept in touch for awhile, but it was painful for me and we all needed to move on. He's now married to the woman who is the reason things didn't work out so great...and it would be awkward for me to go and see them there as I'm sure it would be awkward to them as well. I would likely send card and flowers to the family in that situation. But we don't have kids together, so if we did that might change my response.
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Old 09-10-2014, 09:42 AM
Location: Tennessee
23,307 posts, read 17,347,832 times
Reputation: 27220
If you had a relationship with him, I would. If not, I would not go.
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Old 09-10-2014, 10:02 AM
Location: Simmering in DFW
6,948 posts, read 19,386,044 times
Reputation: 7202
I loved my former in-laws and the feeling was returned for the 15+ years following the divorce until they each died. When each passed away, my child -- their gkid -- lived far from them. I paid for his airline tickets to attend the memorial services and I sent flowers. I believe my presence would have been a distraction for my former husband (and his wife) who deserved to mourn his parents without me there. As a young adult, it was certainly appropriate that my kid should sustain relationships with the paternal side of his family without my involvement. Now, another 15+ years has passed and my son has a very interactive relationship with cousins and his aunt that was rooted in his going on his own as a young man to mourn and celebrate these wonderful grandparents with them.
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Old 09-10-2014, 10:05 AM
Location: Las Vegas, NV
2,761 posts, read 2,358,246 times
Reputation: 4809
My ex-girlfriend who was my most serious relationship before I met my eventual wife reached out to me when her father passed away to invite me to the funeral. I did not think it was appropriate to show up, as much as I would have liked to have paid my respects. Sending a card/flowers and condolences was more than enough.
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Old 09-10-2014, 10:45 AM
Location: Posting from my space yacht.
7,950 posts, read 3,107,821 times
Reputation: 14382
I can only offer an example from my own life where an uncle of mine died and the ex husband of one of his daughters(my cousin, obviously) came to the funeral and just sat in the back. I don't know if he ever said anything to anyone or just quietly came and left but I do know a couple of people mentioned that they saw him there and they thought it was big of him to pay his last respects to a man that used to be a big part of his life.
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