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Old 09-08-2014, 04:53 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,194 times
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Hi everybody. I will say that I lurk these forums quite often and really appreciate the feedback from a lot of you on this site about issues that I have been able to connect to. I have finally decided to put one of my stories up here hoping for some feedback and advice as well. I apologize and also thank you all in advance, this story may be rather long but it has been one of the most significant life changers in my life and it's hard to keep it simple. Anyways, here it goes.

I had a best friend since the age of 5. Met in kindergarten, from then we quickly grew to be best friends. All throughout our school days we hung out, had the same interests, etc. By the time we were in 6th grade, we were inseparable and our friendship got even closer. Lets call her Katie. Katie was closer than any of my siblings to me. She was that friend that you could literally tell anything to. You could call her up and tell her the most random things at the most random time of the day and it was not just totally normal, it was expected to be completely random. We remained the closest pair of friends anybody in the school knew, all into high school even. She came to every single family event that she could and made herself apart of my family. All of my sisters and my parents considered her like family, got her gifts for holidays/occasions, celebrated her birthday, she even babysat my nieces and nephews if I couldn't babysit them. She would become butt-hurt if she couldn't go to a family party of mine if she had to work or something of the like. She was there when I met my boyfriend in high school who I am still happily with today. She was there to listen to my woes or my insecurities and really helped me in times of need when me and my boyfriend were having an argument and I needed someone to vent to about it, she helped me so much. We went to college in high school together through a program called running start, where as juniors in high school we attended a community college for high school and college credits. Those were some of the best years of my life. She and I hung out constantly during our college days as we had many classes together..Outside of class we would hang out studying, going on fast food runs/quick shopping trips and goof off to procrastinate studying, etc. There wasn't a day that went by that we weren't blue in the face from laughing so hard about something. We always had fun together. Honestly, we did have our fights here and there but when you have a friend that is close like a sibling, you kinda act like siblings in that regard anyways. I was convinced we would be best friends our whole life. In fact, it was weird to not talk for a day. If we didn't talk all day we would have so much to talk about that night. I remember conversations that entailed us talking about how prideful we were of our friendship and that we will always be friends because we grew together. We would laugh about how girls in high school who call themselves "BFFs" only to never speak again to each other after high school. We knew that would never be us because we grew together. We would often talk about how excited we were for us to establish our careers and for her to meet guys ( i was committed, haha), go on double dates, and how our kids will be friends too. I felt like the luckiest girl to be blessed with not only a sweet boyfriend, but the best friendship anybody could ever ask for. Little did I know everything would change.

Shortly after graduating high school together/accomplishing our first two years of college together, her grades started to go downhill fast. I was extremely passionate about the career path I chose and kept my grades up in the 3.7-4.0 range in hopes of making into the radiology tech program. She, on the other hand, was starting to get F's and D's on her transcripts. She started to lose motivation and during our study sessions she would watch tv the entire time while I studied. She would say how she is burnt out and doesnt care. I didn't think much of it since my courses naturally required more study hours than most courses (Anatomy, chemistry, and algebra), while she was taking communication classes/math classes. We still continued to hang out all of the time. I eventually made it into my program when I was 19 (radiology tech,very competitive at this college) and my friend couldn't be happier for me. I remember she was the first person I called when I got the letter of acceptance, and we both freaked out. She was so supportive and was always there to listen to me vent about how discouraged I was about tests, about whether or not I will get in the program, she was my rock. I attribute so much of my success to her in my college days.

After I got into the program, I was extremely busy with school work as it is an intensive 2 year course of study. We still managed to hang out all the time. She worked with my sister, who she was also very close with, during college at a fast food restaurant. She started to seem a little more withdrawn and eventually my sister found out that she was dating their coworker (who was a drug dealer), for a whole year and I guess they did sexual things that she was ashamed of since she is a devout mormon. My sister found out from the guy she was dating. He told my sister that my friend Katie told him not to tell anybody that they were dating, especially dont tell my sister. So when my friend broke up with him, he got so angry that he told my sister as revenge I guess? When we found out we were hurt that she never told us as we told her everything, we felt it was weird for her and out of character for her to not tell us a bout her first boyfriend for a whole year. We reassured her though that although we were hurt about it, its her life and she makes her own choices.

So the next day, she told us that she was moving away. Just out of the blue. We were puzzled. She said there is nothing here for her anymore. She said she has always been jealous of me because of my grades. She didnt give much of an explanation except "I just need to move. I will be happier." We supported her decision, still puzzled, I was very hurt and even cried about it in front of her and tried to help her stay as I was afraid she was going through mass depression. I felt guilty as a friend that I couldn't tell that she was sad all this time. She hid it so well, maybe a combination of that and I was so extremely busy with college. She moved in with her brother 7 hours away the following weekend. She promised we would always stay in touch. You can imagine how shocked I still was from all of this, my head was spinning.
As I awaited her phone call to see if she got there safe, the whole day went by without a call. I went on facebook to find a message from her. This is what it said,:

"i think its time to just cut ties amd move on. im really sorry but i just dont see repairing things. you have a lot of support you dont need me so please just accept it and let it happen. dont try to fight it anymore. you are a great person and you dont deserve it so i am sorry. i really do appreciate everything youve done i just need my own life now. i hope everything goes well for you in your life. i know it will though. bye.."

I tried to call her. She changed her phone number. She deleted her facebook. She changed her email address. What did I do wrong. It felt like the death of a dear family member, and I never had any closure to what happened.

Fast forward a year and a half later, I graduated college and am very happy with my career, I am making great money, I am still with my boyfriend that I met in high school and he is my best friend and one of the greatest blessings that I have in life. My family has been very supportive. I have not heard a word from my friend Katie. I am dead to her, for some reason, and I feel like I will never know why.

Just a few months ago, my boyfriend found her on facebook through a mutual friend. She is now married (got married in the mormon temple) and is pregnant. Every single one of her friends one facebook are mormon. Apparently she blocked me on facebook so I could never find her because I cannot search for her, but my boyfriend can on his facebook. So, many people tell me its probably because I am not mormon that she washed her hands of me, not matter how close we were. I dont know if I will ever know.

What would you guys do? I really am genuinely happy for her. She looks so, so happy. I am sad that I never got to be apart of those wonderful moments in her life as we had a friendship of 15 years. We have such a past and so many countless fun memories together. I am sad that she wasnt there for one of the most important moments of my life that she helped me achieve, which was graduate college in my dream career. I wanted her there so bad, I wanted to tell her that I made it through, and I wanted to thank her so bad for all of her support in the early days. I have moved on and love my life but there is always that place in my heart for her, and I miss her a lot from time to time when I constantly see reminders of things we loved to do together, or see something that I would used to call her up about and we would laugh about. Life has changed so much and its amazing how the people you count on and love in your life can turn in an instant. I guess a lot of this was a vent but also I am wondering what an outsider would do. I know she wants nothing to do with me and I want to respect her boundaries but many people in my family tell me to reach out and say congrats and have a good life, since I got cut off and never said a real goodbye to her. I just dont know. I guess I feel such a void in my heart because I told her my deepest thoughts, my dreams, my fears, and I invested so much emotion and trust into this person who I thought would be there for a very long time. I cared so deeply for this person and we saw each other at our worsts and our best moments. I feel like although I have made other friends that I hang out with here and there, that no other friend will ever compare to the friendship that we had and its hard. She was there through it all, even through my darkest moments growing up with an alcoholic father. Anyways, it felt really good to type that all out once and for all. I hope to hear some responses. You all are awesome. Thank you all so much.

Last edited by Umbre21; 09-08-2014 at 05:18 PM..
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Old 09-08-2014, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,052 posts, read 5,980,760 times
Reputation: 9434
I'm sorry to read that, OP. I can see how that would hurt a great deal.

I'm writing from the perspective of being 55 y.o.: I know it hurts a lot right now, but it will hurt a lot less in the coming months. When you find yourself thinking too much about this situation, think of something more pleasant. Before long, those negative thoughts will linger less.

And someday, maybe 20 or 25 years from now, I suspect you'll hear from her again, and she'll explain everything she went through. I suspect guilt over what she may have done has driven her into the church, and she will hide there until the perimenopause years when the past has a way of coming back and bonking women fairly hard. She'll remember your friendship, and that's when you'll probably hear from her.

Try to listen and forgive her, should that happen. It's likely she'll wake up at 2 a.m., and some point and think, "What did I do? My best friend never deserved that . . . !" And she'll stew, and stew, and stew . . .

I've seen stuff like this happen a lot.

In the meantime, think kindly of her and move on with your life. You didn't do anything wrong! You couldn't have helped. She may have been suffering from depression or other problems. She probably thinks she's "fixed" things for the moment, but unresolved stuff has a way of coming back.

You've done well with your life, OP, and you sound like a kind person who truly wants to help. Unfortunately, sometimes the best thing is to leave some situations in the past and focus on your life now.

And I do understand about seeking closure, but I think you might make things worse if you contact her. Let her contact you. In the meantime, know that she is safe, not off in some war zone, trying to make it as a journalist . . .
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Old 09-08-2014, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Southern California
748 posts, read 1,041,974 times
Reputation: 1084
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbre21 View Post
What did I do wrong. It felt like the death of a dear family member, and I never had any closure to what happened.

I just dont know. I guess I feel such a void in my heart because I told her my deepest thoughts, my dreams, my fears, and I invested so much emotion and trust into this person who I thought would be there for a very long time. I cared so deeply for this person and we saw each other at our worsts and our best moments..
Exactly how I am feeling about my sister. Those we trust and invest the most into are the ones who can hurt us like no other.

Life sure can throw a mean curve ball at times.

I consider my sister dead now. My life will never be the same, I will have a difficult time trusting like that again.. I wish I could share some experience to help you.

Time is a powerful thing. As somebody just shared with me, take a step back. Move on past it. So much easier to say, then to actually do.

Hug for ya.
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Old 09-08-2014, 06:00 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,059,012 times
Reputation: 22371
I have seen folks "wipe the slate clean" when they felt like they had made mistakes in their lives. They cut everyone off, moved away, started a new life with new friends and often, big changes in lifestyle, religion, career, etc.

They wanted to start over and not be reminded of the past, for whatever reasons.

I would just accept that this is what your former friend wanted to do at that stage of her life and she is building herself a new world, her way, and without looking back.

I agree with Meemur: life has a way of coming full circle. Send out good intentions for your friend and work at accepting that she does not want you in her life, at this time, for reasons you may not be able to understand and likely have little to do with you, in particular.

There may very well come a day when you will meet again. If not, just catalog her friendship as something integral at one time in your life. Be appreciative of what it was then and the great memories.

Sometimes, letting go is all we can do in order to move forward. I know you would feel much better if you "knew" why you were cut out of your friend's life but in the end, it isn't important. The facts are - she moved on. Just respect that this is what she felt she needed to do and "let it be."
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Old 09-09-2014, 10:35 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,045 posts, read 14,289,332 times
Reputation: 8901
I imagine this was/is very painful for you. I'm so sorry.

Sadly, there aren't always rational explanations for these things. Sometimes people just grow apart. It sounds like more than that to me, based on what you shared. It looks like she had some pent up envy and some shame going on there. Doesn't look like she knew how to face up to these things and it was easier to start over. Maybe, with time and maturity, she will find her way back to you. Just don't count on it. I suggest you cherish the memories, wish her well and keep moving forward as you have been.

There's a gal I know who's friendship I lost a while back. I know now that it was my doing. I wasn't equipped to it any differently. It was all I knew at the time. I have forgiven myself, but I would love the opportunity to be able to own it with her in front of me. I miss her terribly.

*hugs*


Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbre21 View Post
Hi everybody. I will say that I lurk these forums quite often and really appreciate the feedback from a lot of you on this site about issues that I have been able to connect to. I have finally decided to put one of my stories up here hoping for some feedback and advice as well. I apologize and also thank you all in advance, this story may be rather long but it has been one of the most significant life changers in my life and it's hard to keep it simple. Anyways, here it goes.

I had a best friend since the age of 5. Met in kindergarten, from then we quickly grew to be best friends. All throughout our school days we hung out, had the same interests, etc. By the time we were in 6th grade, we were inseparable and our friendship got even closer. Lets call her Katie. Katie was closer than any of my siblings to me. She was that friend that you could literally tell anything to. You could call her up and tell her the most random things at the most random time of the day and it was not just totally normal, it was expected to be completely random. We remained the closest pair of friends anybody in the school knew, all into high school even. She came to every single family event that she could and made herself apart of my family. All of my sisters and my parents considered her like family, got her gifts for holidays/occasions, celebrated her birthday, she even babysat my nieces and nephews if I couldn't babysit them. She would become butt-hurt if she couldn't go to a family party of mine if she had to work or something of the like. She was there when I met my boyfriend in high school who I am still happily with today. She was there to listen to my woes or my insecurities and really helped me in times of need when me and my boyfriend were having an argument and I needed someone to vent to about it, she helped me so much. We went to college in high school together through a program called running start, where as juniors in high school we attended a community college for high school and college credits. Those were some of the best years of my life. She and I hung out constantly during our college days as we had many classes together..Outside of class we would hang out studying, going on fast food runs/quick shopping trips and goof off to procrastinate studying, etc. There wasn't a day that went by that we weren't blue in the face from laughing so hard about something. We always had fun together. Honestly, we did have our fights here and there but when you have a friend that is close like a sibling, you kinda act like siblings in that regard anyways. I was convinced we would be best friends our whole life. In fact, it was weird to not talk for a day. If we didn't talk all day we would have so much to talk about that night. I remember conversations that entailed us talking about how prideful we were of our friendship and that we will always be friends because we grew together. We would laugh about how girls in high school who call themselves "BFFs" only to never speak again to each other after high school. We knew that would never be us because we grew together. We would often talk about how excited we were for us to establish our careers and for her to meet guys ( i was committed, haha), go on double dates, and how our kids will be friends too. I felt like the luckiest girl to be blessed with not only a sweet boyfriend, but the best friendship anybody could ever ask for. Little did I know everything would change.

Shortly after graduating high school together/accomplishing our first two years of college together, her grades started to go downhill fast. I was extremely passionate about the career path I chose and kept my grades up in the 3.7-4.0 range in hopes of making into the radiology tech program. She, on the other hand, was starting to get F's and D's on her transcripts. She started to lose motivation and during our study sessions she would watch tv the entire time while I studied. She would say how she is burnt out and doesnt care. I didn't think much of it since my courses naturally required more study hours than most courses (Anatomy, chemistry, and algebra), while she was taking communication classes/math classes. We still continued to hang out all of the time. I eventually made it into my program when I was 19 (radiology tech,very competitive at this college) and my friend couldn't be happier for me. I remember she was the first person I called when I got the letter of acceptance, and we both freaked out. She was so supportive and was always there to listen to me vent about how discouraged I was about tests, about whether or not I will get in the program, she was my rock. I attribute so much of my success to her in my college days.

After I got into the program, I was extremely busy with school work as it is an intensive 2 year course of study. We still managed to hang out all the time. She worked with my sister, who she was also very close with, during college at a fast food restaurant. She started to seem a little more withdrawn and eventually my sister found out that she was dating their coworker (who was a drug dealer), for a whole year and I guess they did sexual things that she was ashamed of since she is a devout mormon. My sister found out from the guy she was dating. He told my sister that my friend Katie told him not to tell anybody that they were dating, especially dont tell my sister. So when my friend broke up with him, he got so angry that he told my sister as revenge I guess? When we found out we were hurt that she never told us as we told her everything, we felt it was weird for her and out of character for her to not tell us a bout her first boyfriend for a whole year. We reassured her though that although we were hurt about it, its her life and she makes her own choices.

So the next day, she told us that she was moving away. Just out of the blue. We were puzzled. She said there is nothing here for her anymore. She said she has always been jealous of me because of my grades. She didnt give much of an explanation except "I just need to move. I will be happier." We supported her decision, still puzzled, I was very hurt and even cried about it in front of her and tried to help her stay as I was afraid she was going through mass depression. I felt guilty as a friend that I couldn't tell that she was sad all this time. She hid it so well, maybe a combination of that and I was so extremely busy with college. She moved in with her brother 7 hours away the following weekend. She promised we would always stay in touch. You can imagine how shocked I still was from all of this, my head was spinning.
As I awaited her phone call to see if she got there safe, the whole day went by without a call. I went on facebook to find a message from her. This is what it said,:

"i think its time to just cut ties amd move on. im really sorry but i just dont see repairing things. you have a lot of support you dont need me so please just accept it and let it happen. dont try to fight it anymore. you are a great person and you dont deserve it so i am sorry. i really do appreciate everything youve done i just need my own life now. i hope everything goes well for you in your life. i know it will though. bye.."

I tried to call her. She changed her phone number. She deleted her facebook. She changed her email address. What did I do wrong. It felt like the death of a dear family member, and I never had any closure to what happened.

Fast forward a year and a half later, I graduated college and am very happy with my career, I am making great money, I am still with my boyfriend that I met in high school and he is my best friend and one of the greatest blessings that I have in life. My family has been very supportive. I have not heard a word from my friend Katie. I am dead to her, for some reason, and I feel like I will never know why.

Just a few months ago, my boyfriend found her on facebook through a mutual friend. She is now married (got married in the mormon temple) and is pregnant. Every single one of her friends one facebook are mormon. Apparently she blocked me on facebook so I could never find her because I cannot search for her, but my boyfriend can on his facebook. So, many people tell me its probably because I am not mormon that she washed her hands of me, not matter how close we were. I dont know if I will ever know.

What would you guys do? I really am genuinely happy for her. She looks so, so happy. I am sad that I never got to be apart of those wonderful moments in her life as we had a friendship of 15 years. We have such a past and so many countless fun memories together. I am sad that she wasnt there for one of the most important moments of my life that she helped me achieve, which was graduate college in my dream career. I wanted her there so bad, I wanted to tell her that I made it through, and I wanted to thank her so bad for all of her support in the early days. I have moved on and love my life but there is always that place in my heart for her, and I miss her a lot from time to time when I constantly see reminders of things we loved to do together, or see something that I would used to call her up about and we would laugh about. Life has changed so much and its amazing how the people you count on and love in your life can turn in an instant. I guess a lot of this was a vent but also I am wondering what an outsider would do. I know she wants nothing to do with me and I want to respect her boundaries but many people in my family tell me to reach out and say congrats and have a good life, since I got cut off and never said a real goodbye to her. I just dont know. I guess I feel such a void in my heart because I told her my deepest thoughts, my dreams, my fears, and I invested so much emotion and trust into this person who I thought would be there for a very long time. I cared so deeply for this person and we saw each other at our worsts and our best moments. I feel like although I have made other friends that I hang out with here and there, that no other friend will ever compare to the friendship that we had and its hard. She was there through it all, even through my darkest moments growing up with an alcoholic father. Anyways, it felt really good to type that all out once and for all. I hope to hear some responses. You all are awesome. Thank you all so much.
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Old 09-09-2014, 01:18 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,070 posts, read 8,343,395 times
Reputation: 11540
Oh how awful. I am so very sorry! I think all you can do is let her go and try to be happy that she is married and having a baby and didn't go off the wrong path completely and get into drugs or mixed up with a bad guy (we are assuming her husband is a good guy). I agree w/ another poster that it sounds like she was jealous of you or ashamed of her past behavior. Rather than working through it she retreated completely.

She took some pretty drastic steps to remove you from her life and I think you should try to just accept she doesn't want you in her life right now. I bet one day you will hear from her again. I sincerely hope that you do.
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Old 09-09-2014, 06:14 PM
 
10,812 posts, read 8,031,116 times
Reputation: 17006
This story sounds very much like those posted by cynnie1993 back in 2013:

Not sure if this is seriously depression or something else..My best friend of 10 years cut all contact with me abruptly

Abandoned and betrayed by my best friend of 10 years..Advice on how to move on?

Bizarrely, Cynnie's friend gave her *exactly* the same Facebook good-bye as Umbre's:
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynnie1993 View Post
"i think its time to just cut ties amd move on. im really sorry but i just dont see repairing things. you have a lot of support you dont need me so please just accept it and let it happen. dont try to fight it anymore. you are a great person and you dont deserve it so i am sorry. i really do appreciate everything youve done i just need my own life now. i hope everything goes well for you in your life. i know it will though. bye.."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbre21 View Post
"i think its time to just cut ties amd move on. im really sorry but i just dont see repairing things. you have a lot of support you dont need me so please just accept it and let it happen. dont try to fight it anymore. you are a great person and you dont deserve it so i am sorry. i really do appreciate everything youve done i just need my own life now. i hope everything goes well for you in your life. i know it will though. bye.."
edit to add: And here's yet another thread with the same story:
Do you think my friend was a sociopath all along? Is it just me or is this situation bizarre?

OP: You've sought and been given advice about this situation over and over and over again here on C-D. Time to cut ties and move on, just like your former friend asked you to do.

Last edited by biscuitmom; 09-09-2014 at 06:34 PM..
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Old 09-09-2014, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,493,379 times
Reputation: 9868
I read your story and felt your sadness and frustration. I am so, so sorry.

Try not to blame yourself. Whatever she did, she did for herself and felt she had to do it.
You may never understand, never have closure. In a way that was selfish of her, but in another way, maybe she felt shame or whatever and could not face you.

I honestly doubt you will ever know what happened unless there is a reconciliation. Hard to let go, but time to move on, as they say.

I am older and I can tell you that I too have had a few friends just disappear "off the radar" for years.

One married a horrible man and was changed into someone I no longer really want to know.

Another married a controlling woman who did not want her relating to "old friends".

Another turned out to be someone that I did not know even though I thought I did after 34 years.

So ya never know...

Meanwhile face the future. There are people out there to befriend who will want you to be part of their lives and you again can find a good friend who will hopefully be around for the count.
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Old 10-22-2014, 12:55 AM
 
1,780 posts, read 2,160,332 times
Reputation: 5872
Quote:
Originally Posted by SocalPitgal View Post
Exactly how I am feeling about my sister. Those we trust and invest the most into are the ones who can hurt us like no other.

Life sure can throw a mean curve ball at times.

I consider my sister dead now. My life will never be the same, I will have a difficult time trusting like that again.. I wish I could share some experience to help you.

Time is a powerful thing. As somebody just shared with me, take a step back. Move on past it. So much easier to say, then to actually do.

Hug for ya.
Excellent advice.

BTW, does your sister have short brown hair and weigh 30 pounds too much? LOL.

She sounds a LOT like someone that threw *me* under the bus!!!

Abandonment by someone we loved and trusted creates an emotional pain that's worse than a death. You still have all the loss and sadness and misery, but there's a heaping helping of rejection thrown in. Your happy memories are all tainted, and there's no "happy place" you can run to.

It's just raw, personal, secret pain that can take years to heal.
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Old 10-22-2014, 03:48 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,069,523 times
Reputation: 4285
OP dear you are not the only one, I had a good friend too, she also started ignoring me with no reason. As you explain about your friend my friend also were there and I was there for her but she kept secrets, but not me it is hurt and I know that. I was being open with everything but she did not, I learn to keep distance and accept things like no one is open to me as I do. As MeeMur said release her from your head, move on with your life, what ever the reason she treat you like this you don't know and don't even try to find out it is not worth and that bring more hurt to you. what I think big jealousy might attacked her. Mormon or what so ever if some one care a single bit for a friend ship would say open heart this is the reason I am stay away from you. She did not do that. And it also possible that she went through some sort of family drama what you and your family does not know. So give time let her to contact you first. Some day she will. We can say many thing but nothing would ease the pain but time. Big hug for you my dear! Enjoy your life family time. Wish her good luck from your mind. That lighten your soul. But if you find still hard to get away with this feelings I think it is better you go to a therapist.
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