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Not to toot my own horn, but I was very successful in school and life. I did many things no one in my family had ever achieved and I am still treated poorly by my family. Same for my husband and his family. In both our cases, our best was never THE best. Yest any little toe we put out of line, was scolded even it was truly an accident. In my case, I was punished often for my sister's misdeeds. "She's younger, why would you let her do X?" when I had no idea where she was or what she was doing. My sister got a big party for high school graduation and when I got my MA, I actually remember a friend's family toasting me too at her graduation party. Her father looking at me in disbelief when he got that my mom didn't care I was college educated and I wasn't just being dramatic. My mother was physically abused her whole life. When she had children, she wasn't prepared and I think she felt anything that was hitting wasn't abuse.
In some families, there's just favorites. I think the baby or the "lovable loser" is usually mommy or daddy's favorite. They're just like a full grown baby.
I think one shouldn't have children if they're not ready for it emotionally and mentally. As much as I love my children, they're not assets. Children are mainly a loss physically. There's time and money I put in. I feel I have gotten rewarded for it emotionally. If you're looking at them to fill some void you have, it will probably just make things worse. Or if you're looking for money, you will probably never make it back unless your children are millionaires. I've put in tens of thousands of dollars in private child care, a nanny, because I didn't want my children in daycare. My reward is children who are healthier than children who went to daycare as infants. I can see if you didn't think it through, you could think "I put in 20,000 in daycare. Let's see what my retirement home looks like". While I do think this is a wrong outlook and not one I have, I understand. Humans are mostly shallow and selfish. I'd also like, and hope, to think, every generation gets a little better. You know if your family was beating you every day, maybe you hit your kids once a week, and your kids never hit your grandkids and so on. Sorry this is so long. Such a shame you can't pick the people you spend your formative years with...
My maternal mother was much like yours....but even so, like you, I was able to accomplish alot. She was extremely jealous and blamed me for being a single parent.
However, I had a family down the street, that sort of adopted me into their own, and was extremely fortunate, and b/c I didn't have a father, a lot of my friends parents took me everywhere with them....so, honestly, I was extremely fortunate, even with the abuse.
I'm very sorry to a lot of you, who grew up in abusive homes....you don't get to pick who your parents are, but deep down inside, I believe I'm stronger for it....and it prepared me for other life issues.
But, yeah, sad times getting hit all the time....
watching parents fight....I stayed away from home as much as possible....my real mother is a nut case.
I felt sorry for her a lot, and tried and tried, and then bout 3 years ago, I cut her completely out of my life.
so, in all, it weighs itself out, but in memory, I had so many fun times that my childhood memories are happy ones.
My teen years for example, I lived very girly episodes, reading girly magazines with friends, going shopping, sending sms, writting letters, watching sitcoms...
And my childhood, I remember especially Christmas time with my cousins and holidays in he coast.
My teenage years in the 70s were a lot of fun, me and my friends rode our bikes anywhere we wanted to go, we did a lot of camp outs and wandered around town in the middle of the night. Going to Maine every summer and going out on the boat with my great uncle to fish or pick "wrinkles" My friend Becky who happened to be from Calais ME so I had one person from home here in Ohio.
Going to concerts for $7.50 a ticket, seeing Yes, Frank Zappa, etc. partying through high school, running rides at an amusement park as a summer job in the 80s, and finally graduating high school in 1982.
I'm very sorry to a lot of you, who grew up in abusive homes....you don't get to pick who your parents are, but deep down inside, I believe I'm stronger for it....and it prepared me for other life issues.
But, yeah, sad times getting hit all the time....
watching parents fight....I stayed away from home as much as possible....my real mother is a nut case.
I felt sorry for her a lot, and tried and tried, and then bout 3 years ago, I cut her completely out of my life.
so, in all, it weighs itself out, but in memory, I had so many fun times that my childhood memories are happy ones.
Thank you. I think I'm stronger, too. Besides for when my grandmother died, I never thought "What will I do?! How do I get through this?!". Like when I saw my college classmates not know how to cook when money was low or literally cry at not knowing how to do their laundry. I've been able to help people a lot in my life when I see they're at a low point, because I have empathy for them. My only regret is even the good times of my childhood are tainted by the sadness. When I think of my father taking me camping and I wonder if he was already dating Karen or someone else or already thinking of leaving. I think having a bad childhood made me appreciate things more as an adult and roll with the punches. My sister has often admitted to me life as an adult isn't as fun as it was for her as a teen. I feel bad when she tells her children have fun now, because being an adult is no fun.
If my mom was mentally stable and healthy (she has cancer now), I probably would have stopped dealing with her. I just know she'll doing something crazy or foolish. She probably won't make it to 2016. I just try to do the best with her.
I believe this would be a fun thread, filled with nostalgia....
remembering what we did as kids....to maybe compare with today...
this can be about politics, if that is what you remember fondly....or about any thing you did while growing up, community groups, parades, neighborhoods, eating places, it's pretty much an open thread to talk about what brings you fond memories....but....this is not a thread for fighting about politics and I beg any monitor to delete anything that is a direct attack against someone else for their beliefs...
So, what I remember most about my childhood is how free we were at a very young age. I remember being 5 but being so much more mature then kids today.
I work with young mothers that have children who are in Jr. High School and they still can't leave them get on the bus alone? But when I was in school, I walked several blocks to kindergarden, by myself or with my friends or cousin....and rode my bike over to the swimming/wading pool in the park...which was again, several blocks away.
I had to work at 13 years old, had no father, and gave every cent to my mother. Never resented those days...we had such fun. I worked in a bakery where all the neighborhood kids worked, and even though we worked, we had a great time doing so.
I wish our kids today could experience that....and also, growing up, I remember a pureness of heart, an innocence, we loved adults, our teachers, and the Police. We respected the police and adults...
Honestly, it was an awesome childhood....
Snapshots:
Sparklers! Which are now considered 'dangerous' and illegal.
Writing our names in the air with lit punks.
Catching fireflies in a jar.
Playing with praying mantises.
Mom growing gourds in the back yard.
My pet duck making friends with our dog.
Bakery stuff and potato chips were delivered to your door.
A truck came around with some sort of kiddie ride every now and then.
Dressing up to visit grandparents in 'the city.'
The smell of creosote at the beach, and watching fireworks there.
I remember a lot of FEAR, PAIN, SORROW, SADNESS, more FEAR, UNHAPPINESS, DISAPPOINTMENT and a little FUN AND HAPPINESS. Wish I could offer lots of fun and happy memories, they are there but overshadowed by bad stuff. Sorry.(
Same here. Had an abusive, alcoholic policeman for a father. Never allowed to celebrate birthdays, holidays, etc. My most vivid recollection is being chased down the street by my dad while getting whipped with a bamboo switch. I could never play with the other children in the neighborhood. I wasn't allowed to leave our yard alone. Probably the only young person in my neighborhood that actually looked forward to school so I'd have someone to play with.
One of the reasons I became a police officer wasn't to follow in my dad's footsteps. It was to prevent other children from suffering the same fate I faced growing up.
Same here. Had an abusive, alcoholic policeman for a father. Never allowed to celebrate birthdays, holidays, etc. My most vivid recollection is being chased down the street by my dad while getting whipped with a bamboo switch. I could never play with the other children in the neighborhood. I wasn't allowed to leave our yard alone. Probably the only young person in my neighborhood that actually looked forward to school so I'd have someone to play with.
One of the reasons I became a police officer wasn't to follow in my dad's footsteps. It was to prevent other children from suffering the same fate I faced growing up.
I'm so so sorry you were forced to grow up like this....awful thing to do to a child....
I'm thankful you chose such a worthy career, my son is also a police officer....
I don't know how parents can hurt a child, nor do I understand why they are allowed to be parents.
Hugs
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