Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
yes I have given a big explanation when that person said something to hit my guilt button, and it started coming out of my mouth. I really felt like i had to explain myself so that i wouldn't look bad or else wouldn't hurt the other person's feelings.
Now that I have learned and grown a thicker skin, I am able to choose my battles and not feel i have to explain myself. I usually watch that they dont trip my guilt button. Coz once that is tripped, i cant hold it in.
I think im too honest sometimes, also. I dont need to be. but im getting better.
Hey just like now! i could have said "yes" but you see i am explaining myself but no one guilted me into it, so those times I just like talking about my thoughts. it is cathartic for me.
I don't seek approval from anyone, but I am often placed in the position of having to justify one of my choices: not coloring my hair as a 60 year old woman. To me it's one of the most minor and inconsequential life choices, but women seem to be disturbed by my not following the script that the majority of women do regarding their hair. I get questioned about it and advised that I would look 20 years younger if I did it. My reply: "I'm not interested in looking 40. Been there, done that. What I care about is looking and being a vibrant, fit, happy, healthy, 60 year old!"
It kind of bugs me to have to justify what should be a personal choice. No woman would walk up to someone they barely know and tell them that they need to lose 20 pounds or that their hair style is unflattering. But somehow hair color seems to be fair game. I try to channel the 16 year old me who was hippieish back in the day and didn't mind bucking what I thought were silly societal norms...
I don't seek approval from anyone, but I am often placed in the position of having to justify one of my choices: not coloring my hair as a 60 year old woman. To me it's one of the most minor and inconsequential life choices, but women seem to be disturbed by my not following the script that the majority of women do regarding their hair. I get questioned about it and advised that I would look 20 years younger if I did it. My reply: "I'm not interested in looking 40. Been there, done that. What I care about is looking and being a vibrant, fit, happy, healthy, 60 year old!"
It kind of bugs me to have to justify what should be a personal choice. No woman would walk up to someone they barely know and tell them that they need to lose 20 pounds or that their hair style is unflattering. But somehow hair color seems to be fair game. I try to channel the 16 year old me who was hippieish back in the day and didn't mind bucking what I thought were silly societal norms...
Ooooh, don't get me started on the whole "women's bodies are public property for anyone to comment on and advise about" thing.
Suffice it to say, I agree with you. It's your hair, you're the one wearing it, and if they don't like it, tough noogs!
I thought about this while posting in another thread....
A. did you ever get in a situation, and (I'm sure you have) where someone disagrees with you, and you feel like you have to defend yourself....instead of simply walking away, we stand there and defend ourselves giving that person all the reasons why we are doing something or why we think that way, or even right down to a friend who disagrees with how clean you keep your house?
I mean isn't it ridiculous...once I said, "can we change the subject please, I'm not going to sit here and defend why".
B. or do you look for approval in others....
for instance, you've decided to take an international vacation alone, and it seems no one is happy for you, everyone is saying terrible things and thinking about the awful things that could happen to you...in another country. We're actually looking to others for approval.
I'm slowly learning to say, "Why do you say that?" when someone criticizes me or makes a negative comment. I feel that puts them into the situation of having to explain themselves, not me explaining myself!
I'm slowly learning to say, "Why do you say that?" when someone criticizes me or makes a negative comment. I feel that puts them into the situation of having to explain themselves, not me explaining myself!
I'm slowly learning to say, "Why do you say that?" when someone criticizes me or makes a negative comment. I feel that puts them into the situation of having to explain themselves, not me explaining myself!
ewww, that is a good one, will have to remember that! Thank you
I don't mind explaining myself because I am confident in the decisions I have made. I have done a few things that my peers would not do, so I guess I'm used to questions (including rude ones sometimes). Not all of my decisions have been perfect, but I have enough insight to know I've made mistakes and I might understand why I made them, plus I know what I decide today may be regrettable ten years from now, so I don't get bothered today by others' prodding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Maybe I suck and no one wants to talk to me, but I just don't run into the level of disrespect that many posters on here seem to.
That being said, I think channels should always be open for discussion in the case of curiosity, etc.
Maybe someone wants to know why my curtains face north by northwest because they want to know if there is some benefit to this he doesn't know about (this is an obviously silly made up example) or whatever...then I think conversation should be easy to have an no offense should be taken just bc someone is asking why you do things a certain way.
You might learn something by asking. And you might learn something by answering.
I agree. I think some people get curiosity and criticism confused. As a result we don't discuss the important stuff and really get to know our loved ones.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
i could have said "yes" but you see i am explaining myself but no one guilted me into it, so those times I just like talking about my thoughts. it is cathartic for me.
Responding to Criticism
