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Old 09-12-2014, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Kaliforneea
1,234 posts, read 937,573 times
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honesty is very much a part of trusting and liking someone. Once you identify someone likes to lie about little things, you have to ask yourself, if they lie about big things. I once had a boss that believed it was necessary to frequently lie to his own immediate staff, and that taught me a series of lessons in how to listen carefully, cross-check, evaluate, and investigate other people's claims thru third parties. Am I older, wiser, more paranoid and cynical? Perhaps.

Your relative may merely be "wishy-washy" or "flaky" and that's a reduced importance in my opinion. I have a wider tolerance for that.

Realize that whatever the case, they ain't never gonna change, so you have to decide how much you embrace or distance yourself from this person.
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Old 09-12-2014, 01:54 PM
 
1,190 posts, read 1,417,871 times
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Noreastah,
I'm definitely going to decide how much reserve I have to give from now on. Thank you for the advice.

Ozgal,

I appreciate your advice as well. I've tried the thought provoking question approach. It doesn't work...lol. That's why I'm asking for thoughts on the matter.

Supbud,

That's the realization I reached as well. Since I can't reasonably expect a change, I'm going to have to try to mitigate the damage done in the family to the extent possible. And leave the rest.
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Old 09-12-2014, 01:56 PM
 
1,190 posts, read 1,417,871 times
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I understand that without specifics, it's difficult to give advice. I didn't want to get bogged down in examples. I really appreciate everyone's help.
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Old 09-12-2014, 02:13 PM
 
16,025 posts, read 19,575,589 times
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I think I understand what you are saying. I like consistency myself. It is hard to trust someone who flips back and forth, and is so seemingly indecisive. I think that is a big red flag in any relationship.

IMO It usually means they are not confident in their own decisions, likely insecure, maybe even putting on a facade .... and change their minds depending upon who they are around. Your pointing it out is calling them out.....They cannot deal with it.

If it is someone that you don't have to be around a lot, I'd withdraw from the friendship as much as you are comfortable doing. Otherwise, if it is family, or someone you have to be around, say at work etc....I would involve myself as little as possible in any of their drama....Just make yourself less available

Last edited by JanND; 09-12-2014 at 02:14 PM.. Reason: edit text
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Old 09-12-2014, 02:25 PM
 
1,190 posts, read 1,417,871 times
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JanND,

Thank you for understanding. I, too, think it is a trust issue. I think insecurity is part of the problem. Manipulation is another part. I definitely can make myself less available (especially emotionally). So I'm going to try that route for a while. Try to get some relief here.
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