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I have a friend that has nagged me to death about a particular issue..
The issue doesn't matter...
She gets on a roll about it and won't stop even when I say "please stop !!!"
I finally told her that I can't be around that anymore, that she has to stop judging &
harping on this issue..She said she can't.
So I told her I can't be around her then, because it is disrespectful for her to ignore
my asking her to stop..She can't see that it is controlling and says I am being controlling by placing
limitations on the conversation..
How do I explain that its a healthy boundary to not allow myself to be badgered.
I have a friend that has nagged me to death about a particular issue..
The issue doesn't matter...
She gets on a roll about it and won't stop even when I say "please stop !!!"
I finally told her that I can't be around that anymore, that she has to stop judging &
harping on this issue..She said she can't.
So I told her I can't be around her then, because it is disrespectful for her to ignore
my asking her to stop..She can't see that it is controlling and says I am being controlling by placing
limitations on the conversation..
How do I explain that its a healthy boundary to not allow myself to be badgered.
She doesn't get to say that you are being controlling by placing conversational limits when she's the one that's pushing it onto you.
Op, you need to accept that some people simply do not care (or understand) these types of boundaries. There's nothing you can say when you've already explained it. When she pushes/broaches (whatever the subject), just say: "I've already said my piece on that particular subject." ... And just... walk... away.
She doesn't get to say that you are being controlling by placing conversational limits when she's the one that's pushing it onto you.
Op, you need to accept that some people simply do not care (or understand) these types of boundaries. There's nothing you can say when you've already explained it. When she pushes/broaches (whatever the subject), just say: "I've already said my piece on that particular subject." ... And just... walk... away.
It does sort of depend on the what the issue is. If, for example, she wants you to get off drugs or stop drinking, or some other life threatening problem then she is being a real friend. If it's what color to paint your fingernails, then not so much. There is a lot in between there. I don't know you and haven't followed your posts so I can't guess which it is, but you know. So make your decision accordingly.
With out knowing what is the issue hard to say anything. But if she is nagging you to stop drinking or smoking or using drugs then my hat off to your friend. That means she or he is a good friend who is worth to have in life.
What Kayekaye & Zeurch pointed out didn't enter my mind when I replied. They're right. Your friend might be a better friend to you than you are to yourself if that issue you didn't mention is something that's detrimental to yourself.
She doesn't get to say that you are being controlling by placing conversational limits when she's the one that's pushing it onto you.
Op, you need to accept that some people simply do not care (or understand) these types of boundaries. There's nothing you can say when you've already explained it. When she pushes/broaches (whatever the subject), just say: "I've already said my piece on that particular subject." ... And just... walk... away.
It's beyond walking away..We have put the friendship on hold..
I don't think I want a friend that has so little regard for
my simple request to leave that issue up to me.
It does sort of depend on the what the issue is. If, for example, she wants you to get off drugs or stop drinking, or some other life threatening problem then she is being a real friend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeurch
With out knowing what is the issue hard to say anything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3rdGen SFan
Your friend might be a better friend to you than you are to yourself if that issue you didn't mention is something that's detrimental to yourself.
All these points are true, but it isn't like that...
I have not been in church the last few years, trying to find the right place for myself after losing my husband.
It's not even that I don't want to go, it's just I want to figure out when & where for myself..
She cannot accept that and thinks it is her place to count my minutes in prayer, Bible Study & church.
She calls it holding me accountable, I call it controlling...
We have been close, so I hate to end the friendship but she says things that discourage me & put me down.
I am not sure the friendship should continue. I told her I need to just be accepted where I am.
During the most recent browbeating she told me I was being "defensive"
So I am not supposed to ask for her to stop or defend myself ???
Just listen to the lecture like a good little girl ???
All these points are true, but it isn't like that...
I have not been in church the last few years, trying to find the right place for myself after losing my husband.
It's not even that I don't want to go, it's just I want to figure out when & where for myself..
She cannot accept that and thinks it is her place to count my minutes in prayer, Bible Study & church.
She calls it holding me accountable, I call it controlling...
We have been close, so I hate to end the friendship but she says things that discourage me & put me down.
I am not sure the friendship should continue. I told her I need to just be accepted where I am.
Quote:
During the most recent browbeating she told me I was being "defensive"
So I am not supposed to ask for her to stop or defend myself ???
Just listen to the lecture like a good little girl ???
First of all if you have mention the right story on your OP every one might have some positive answers for you. Truly sorry about your husband but I think your friend has a point. Don't see it as a nagging. Yes you lost your husband. There is nothing you can to stop that. If you could, you did it. I think church is a right place to have a relief, release the pain. And If I were you I am truly happy if some one take me to the church. And I am happy if some one try to get me in to the reality. There is nothing to defend or being aggressive towards to a friend who ask you to join the prayers at church and study the bible. Bible explain about death pain and everything. So still my hat off to your friend sorry. She is being a good friend in my view.
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