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Old 09-23-2014, 04:16 AM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,765,000 times
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How do you feel when an old friend tells you all their miseries after not being in touch for awhile?


Like an emotional tampon.
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Old 09-23-2014, 05:41 AM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,083,076 times
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I have known (notice...past tense) people like this. Sounds like he might be interested in you if he was all obsessed where your ex is. He will emotionally bleed you dry if you do not protect yourself. This is going to just go on and on if you will listen to him.
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Old 09-23-2014, 07:05 AM
 
10,604 posts, read 14,199,749 times
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Girlfriend gone - can't drive = replacement.

Epilepsy or not people, are basically the same LOL.

Besides you didn't say how long ago high school was but some people stay friends and others don't.

My kid stayed friends with his childhood buddies from first grade all the way through adulthood at age 33. But they did EVERYTHING together. And it's kind of unusual. AND they're all SINGLE LOL.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
I have known (notice...past tense) people like this. Sounds like he might be interested in you if he was all obsessed where your ex is. He will emotionally bleed you dry if you do not protect yourself. This is going to just go on and on if you will listen to him.
She said he was grilling her about HIS ex not HERS.
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Old 09-23-2014, 07:20 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,080,206 times
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If I were you I will support him in his difficult time, moral support also a big support we can give to a person who is down mentally and physically too. Does not matter he spoken to you once or twice just be there for for him and be a friend. We don't need to change who we are because of other people being paranoid.
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Old 09-23-2014, 10:22 AM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,460,711 times
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How would I feel ???

Glad I could encourage someone when life has kicked them around...
Heck I would do that for a perfect stanger..

But then again I realize it's not always all about ME..

Grow up....
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Old 09-23-2014, 11:09 AM
 
Location: California
4,554 posts, read 5,470,015 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
I texted him back yesterday and he seemed to be obsessed with asking about the whereabouts/status of his ex. He wouldn't even talk about himself, other than to say he wasn't doing so well.
It seems your friend has bigger problems so it might be useful to encourage him to talk to a professional. I'm glad you texted him back as you might just be a real life line to him. Help him to get to a better place and disconnect if you must, as being a doormat isn't good for you, but true character is to offer a helping hand.

What would you want him to do if the situation were reversed? Often when you reach out to others, it enriches them and you!
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Old 09-23-2014, 11:10 AM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,525,148 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
I texted him back yesterday and he seemed to be obsessed with asking about the whereabouts/status of his ex. He wouldn't even talk about himself, other than to say he wasn't doing so well.
See, now in that situation I would just call the guy and talk to him. Even if he seems obsessed, you can be the friend who gives him a little shake and helps him get some perspective, or, as Heidi said, encourages him to get some help.

And for the eleventy billionth time: Texting is garbage communication. It's for stuff like, "Will be 15 minutes late," or "At the grocery, do we need anything for tonight?" NOT heart-to-heart talks with a friend in crisis.

Honestly, it's crap like this that comes back to haunt friends. Someone does something drastic and then everyone stands around saying, "I should have seen the warning signs."
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Old 09-23-2014, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
352 posts, read 249,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emigrations View Post
I was good friends with a guy from my neighborhood from high school up until just a year or so ago. I moved to another state in 2012 and hadn't talked to him much since then. I moved back to my home state last in 2013, but maybe met up with him twice, if that. It wasn't that there were any real problems - we just talked less and less.

He called this weekend out of the blue, and while I was glad to hear from him, all he could talk about were his life problems. His health has declined (became epileptic), and now his driving and ability to work has been restricted. He was returning into college, but his health has kind of put the kibosh on that. He also broke up with his fairly long term girlfriend. He's had a rough go of it.

Even though I can sympathize as I've been through a lot of the same things over the last year or so myself (minus the decline in health), it felt as if I was a person of last resort to talk to now since things aren't going so well.
I feel guilty. And it happens pretty often. Sometimes I feel like I could have done something to help, sometimes I just feel sad that I have it so much better than someone who held some importance to me.

In my mind, someone is always my friend unless they do something to wrong me. We may have extended periods of being out of touch, but once we regain contact we can easily pick up where we left off. If I can help them when they're struggling (not financially, but emotionally), I do so with great pleasure.
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Old 09-23-2014, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
352 posts, read 249,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
And for the eleventy billionth time: Texting is garbage communication. It's for stuff like, "Will be 15 minutes late," or "At the grocery, do we need anything for tonight?" NOT heart-to-heart talks with a friend in crisis.
Why not?

I can be far more sincere and able to say what I need to say when it's written/typed out. Talking on the phone there are many distractions, but writing something to someone removes those distractions.

Plus, not everyone likes talking on the phone. And frankly, when I'm scheduling things or planning things I find text messages to be far superior because there's no confusion about what's said (aside from auto-correct) and there's a written record of everything. That's also why I always try to use email for every business communication, it leaves far less room for error and eliminates the "but you said X" when you said Y.
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Old 09-23-2014, 11:40 AM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,525,148 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HedgeYourInvestments View Post
Why not?

I can be far more sincere and able to say what I need to say when it's written/typed out. Talking on the phone there are many distractions, but writing something to someone removes those distractions.

Plus, not everyone likes talking on the phone. And frankly, when I'm scheduling things or planning things I find text messages to be far superior because there's no confusion about what's said (aside from auto-correct) and there's a written record of everything. That's also why I always try to use email for every business communication, it leaves far less room for error and eliminates the "but you said X" when you said Y.
Oh, come on. A friend in crisis is not the same as a business transaction. A friend needs to hear a voice, get feedback in real-time, and be able to say what he or she needs to without fumbling with his or her thumbs.

Moreover, there is PLENTY of room for miscommunication via text because you don't have the benefit of hearing a voice, tone, inflection, etc. AND someone in bad shape is going to be inclined to misinterpret things for the worst, not the best.

If you really can't concentrate on a phone call with a friend who is in bad shape because you have "distractions," you really are not a friend to that person at all. Either that or you need Ritalin.

Good grief.
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