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Old 09-24-2014, 09:40 AM
 
13,695 posts, read 13,628,165 times
Reputation: 39929

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I posted on FB about the fact that my cat was dying. I just wanted to let everyone know en masse and not have to explain over and over again what was going on. The cat is quite old - I'm not devastated, just a bit sad and hoping I can keep her happy in her final days. I got a lot of very sweet condolences, many of which involved emoticons, like sad faces or crying faces. This did not bother me in the least.

But a close friend this morning posted on her FB page (in a separate post from mine, but one that appeared to be a reaction to how others had responded to my post) that she would never put anything painful on FB because she wouldn't be able to bear all the emoticons and whatnot that people use to express their condolences. She sees them as flippant or disrespectful to grief.

I dunno - I don't use such things myself when I'm trying to convey sympathy over a death or illness of a pet or human, but I don't see the point in taking offense over it. People do the best they can in times like that, the way I see it. They should be given credit for acknowledging another's grief - too many times people don't even offer a nod.

I get paid to write, and have been for the past 20 years. It's fairly easy for me to convey my feelings in written words. I'm in high demand for eulogies among my elderly friends and relatives, actually. (My grandmother reserved me for her funeral several years in advance.) But it's not that easy for a lot of people, I don't think. If an emoticon makes it easier for someone to convey their feelings, I don't think that's a terrible thing.

I'm curious what others think though.
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Old 09-24-2014, 09:48 AM
 
5,956 posts, read 5,445,995 times
Reputation: 10600
I think your friend needs a Facebook time out. She's taking it wwwwaaaaayyyy too seriously.

As a rule though, I think this is one of those instances where the intent should be kept in focus, not so much the delivery. Folks were tryting to be nice and should be cut some slack, not held to phantom Facebook protocalls.
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Old 09-24-2014, 09:53 AM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,546,070 times
Reputation: 28901
It's probably a good thing that she doesn't share anything if she's going to get bent over a few characters. I think it's poor form for her to actually tell you all of this, too. On a good day, it's not supportive, on a bad it's like she's trying to sow seeds of discord by implying that you should be offended, too.

In your shoes, I would say, "I appreciate the love and sympathy people express, no matter what the form." If she has any social awareness of all, she'll be mortified by her own audacity.
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Old 09-24-2014, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
2,722 posts, read 4,800,481 times
Reputation: 2216
I think they would be rude if the emoticons were smiley party faces.
Your friend has too much time on her hands.
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Old 09-24-2014, 10:25 AM
 
5,574 posts, read 5,845,077 times
Reputation: 16494
If your friend is going to get that bent about some emoticons, she needs to step away from the Facebook!

I'm very sorry to hear about your cat. I hope that her passing is as painless as possible for the both of you. It's lucky kitty who has a human concerned with keeping her final days happy.

And I will resist the urge to insert a sad face here.
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Old 09-24-2014, 10:39 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,886,810 times
Reputation: 31549
Sorry about the cat.

Ignore that poster.
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Old 09-24-2014, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,460 posts, read 42,009,843 times
Reputation: 83521
I also am sorry about your cat.

People "take" things differently. I don't mind emoticons, and in this case the only insensitive one I can imagine would be a smiley face. ???

Countdown till the typical "That's why I don't use Facebook..." chastisement appears in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ....
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Old 09-24-2014, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,190 posts, read 10,397,918 times
Reputation: 33254
I don't know why everyone is thinking the friend is all bent out of shape. The OP only said this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
she would never put anything painful on FB because she wouldn't be able to bear all the emoticons and what not that people use to express their condolences.
I took it much differently than most of you. I took it as she would have a hard time dealing with the emoticons because it would be emotional. I could be wrong of course. Only the friend knows what her intent was.
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Old 09-24-2014, 11:22 AM
 
3,946 posts, read 4,149,037 times
Reputation: 4711
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
I posted on FB about the fact that my cat was dying. I just wanted to let everyone know en masse and not have to explain over and over again what was going on. The cat is quite old - I'm not devastated, just a bit sad and hoping I can keep her happy in her final days. I got a lot of very sweet condolences, many of which involved emoticons, like sad faces or crying faces. This did not bother me in the least.

But a close friend this morning posted on her FB page (in a separate post from mine, but one that appeared to be a reaction to how others had responded to my post) that she would never put anything painful on FB because she wouldn't be able to bear all the emoticons and whatnot that people use to express their condolences. She sees them as flippant or disrespectful to grief.

I dunno - I don't use such things myself when I'm trying to convey sympathy over a death or illness of a pet or human, but I don't see the point in taking offense over it. People do the best they can in times like that, the way I see it. They should be given credit for acknowledging another's grief - too many times people don't even offer a nod.

I get paid to write, and have been for the past 20 years. It's fairly easy for me to convey my feelings in written words. I'm in high demand for eulogies among my elderly friends and relatives, actually. (My grandmother reserved me for her funeral several years in advance.) But it's not that easy for a lot of people, I don't think. If an emoticon makes it easier for someone to convey their feelings, I don't think that's a terrible thing.

I'm curious what others think though.
I think you're right. As an ESL person who wasn't raised to speak English as my primary language, a language in which non-verbal expressions were more emphasized than words... emoticons for me, at least feels more like a cultural thing because non-verbals are highly emphasized and contextual rather than words, alone.

Writing doesn't come easy to a lot of folks, too, especially when it's not their gift.

I can see how you friend finds those emoticons disingenuous, but they're also meant to supplement writing via text that don't convey emotions so well.

Some people are verbally writing inept.
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Old 09-24-2014, 11:39 AM
 
Location: El Dorado County, Ca
33 posts, read 27,985 times
Reputation: 103
I find emoticons helpful because I have difficulty expressing what I would like to say. They are also helpful in determining whether a poster is being serious or sarcastic.
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